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I don't know what's wrong

I often feel very alone. I have very few friends. I feel like I can't even truly trust them or talk to them. My mum believes poor mental health is a burden and she doesn't understand how someone living a privileged life can feel this way. I am usually very happy and "the funny one of the group" when I'm at school or with my friends. When I'm alone I'm usually very sad. I feel sad but I can't cry. I'm always very tired and can never fall asleep because my mind is always too active. I don't really like my body and truly don't love the person that I am. I don't feel optimistic about the future and I can't really picture what my future will look like. I'm probably gay and I struggle with self expression. I feel like I'll be alone forever. I sometimes wonder if anyone actually likes me and I know that I'm no ones "number one" option/friend. I often as myself 'what's the point' and to be honest I really don't know. I feel like I'm just a very pessimistic person but I struggle to see the good things in my life even though I know I have an amazing life. I'm also always quite angry. I always get angry at my parents and my younger sister. I argue with them constantly and they frustrate me so so much. I usually just stay in my room all day to avoid confrontation and interaction. Who am I? What's the point? Where am I going in life? I really don't know and I'm worried that I'll never truly know. I kind of feel worthless and that if I were to die that no one, other than my family, would truly miss me. The only thing that brings me joy is celebrities usually which sounds quite lame but music especially is my way of escaping. I don't know. Can anyone relate to this? Also can anyone give advice on what I should do because I hate feeling the way I feel? I'm not really in the right situation to see a professional right now so that's why I'm asking here I guess. 

Re: I don't know what's wrong

Hi @anon1, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for bravely sharing your story with us. You have a lot going on at the moment in all areas of your life. It sounds as though this is causing you to feel quite alone and isolated. The feelings you mentioned must be really tough to deal with which might cause you to feel upset and irritable. These feelings are not uncommon but can really suck and further add to how we already feel Smiley Sad For this reason, it is amazing that you have reached out for some support with this post.

 

It is great that you are able to recognise something that brings you joy whilst you are feeling so down. Sometimes the things that bring us joy can seem silly to others but it really doesn't matter as long as it makes us happy. We are all different and have our own little quirks so it makes sense that our interests are different too. I was wondering if you have talked to any family or friends about how you have been feeling? It can be a tough and uncomfortable step to take but it gets easier with practice Heart You mentioned a little bit about nobody missing you and being unsure of what your purpose is.. I am wondering if you are currently having thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life? 

 

With everything that has been going on, we are so happy that you have joined our community. You can search through other threads to read the experiences and stories of other young people. Just so you know, our community is based on peer support and so we are unable to provide counselling. This might mean that we encourage you to access other services to receive the support you need and deserve. For example, eHeadspace has an online service that provides web and phone counselling which can help make things less daunting. You mentioned not being in the right situation to seek professional support - what do you mean by this? I know that we have many members here who can relate to how you are feeling and I am sure they will comment soon! It can be such a reassuring feeling to see that you are not alone - that is a small part of why our community here exists Heart

Re: I don't know what's wrong

im so sorry you're going through all of this I really mean it; cause u dont deserve it one bit. I know this won't help u one bit but while I was reading that massive paragraph it brought to my attention that im going through the same thing as you associating with my family and school things and I totallly get how ur feeling and what your going through. im a overthinker and many have told me not to overthink and stress over the small details of life and its honestly helped me understand the world a bit more; maybe it could be an idea for u too?

music is great escape, I use it all the time but talking about ur emotions is also a better idea as it honestly makes you feel better after ranting about ur problems to someone; I promise. I use eheadspace and beyondblue web chats with professional pychologists and ive had rlly good experiences with them. you could try going to ur school councillor cause that's helped me a lot and honestly made me feel better about my relationships with my friends cause im always overthinking about the small details

Re: I don't know what's wrong

Hi @anon1! Welcome to the forums!

I'm a bit late to this thread but I'm sorry that you're feeling so alone. Smiley Sad
I think it's great that you've identified some things that have helped you. I often listen to music when I'm in a negative headspace too.

Are you feeling any better today? Heart