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I don't know what to do?

Firstly I feel bad because I have been on here to ask for help a few times before and I neglect the forums and this website in general when I think I'm doing ok. I feel selfish for doing that and for not letting you guys know how I am going, I seem to get caught up in life all the time. 

Anyway I have been really down the last 3 or so days where I have been crying for what seems to be non-stop.For the past year or so I've been caught up in social media and basically living through other peoples lives because I can't deal with my own. It gets to the point where I finally get back to reality and realise that I have an awful lot of issues that I still haven't dealt with. 

The most recent event that has happened is that my ex has gotten in contact with one of my family members. I vowed to not contact them because it always ended in me getting hurt. One example is that when I was in contact with them after we broke up, they pressured me into sex and every time I felt like I had no say, I was manipulated into thinking it was ok and what I wanted but I know that it wasn't the truth. I now feel less of a person and as if I let myself down.

It has brought back a lot of pain that I hoped had gone away, and because of that I stupidly decided to drink. I was sober for a little over a year and I've just gone 100 steps back in a matter of minutes. Something I don't like to mention is that I have self-harmed in the past and today I lashed out on myself. At the time I feel angry and I can't blame anyone but myself. To me I am weak when I self-harm because it doesn't damage permanently. I won't go into details because I don't want to effect anyone reading this. 

I am feeling really hopeless and exhausted by everything that it is affecting my work and study. I have deadlines that I am so scared I won't be able to meet. 

 

Any help would be really appreciated and thankyou for reading this in advance. 

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Re: I don't know what to do?

Hey @KiKi_19 

 

I'm so sorry to hear how difficult things are for you at the moment. It can be horrible to feel like you're doing well and then things come crashing down around you.

 

This has some awesome stuff  on feeling crap. And although "feeling crap" might sound like someone just having a bad day it's way more than that. It's that feeling like you're overwhelmed, knocked over and don't know how to get up, Tips to try and shift you out of this space can be really helpful.

 

This is all about checking to see if you have a drinking problem. It sounds like you're not in any denial around your drinking and have gone through some kind of process to get it under control. And now you've relpased. So you could read through this checklist as a reminder of how things were. Answer it from how things were and how theyy are now. If there's a difference it mens that although you had a lapse, you're not in full blown relapse. Which is a great time to get help. Don't ever make the mistake of thinking you can't ask for help until you hit some kind of rock bottom. It's much better to ask for support now than later when things might be worse.

 

I hope you find those helpful.

Re: I don't know what to do?

@NigioC Thanks so much for your reply. I've had a look at the links you recommended and also the link about coping strategies. I've written down the strategies and I'll be trying them all until I hopefully find one that helps. Even though things have gotten worse for me recently, in the past my head would be racing with thoughts all the time and this time I could actually sit down and take in all of the information on RO. 

P.S. It's not a full relapse and I managed to tell a family member today and they offered to help me, I'm not even sure how I did it!

And as you said I will try to ask for help before I hit rock bottom and I'm definitely going to try and get on here more often and let RO know how I'm going. 

 

KiKi_19 

Re: I don't know what to do?

Hi @KiKi_19 ,

I can relate to what you mean about feeling selfish for not replying to others' posts, but using it when you're feeling low. I too have been feeling better the past few days, but felt really horrible and selfish for neglecting others on ReachOut. But you know what? I have come to realise that in order to help others, you have to be well yourself and, this sounds selfish, I know, but take care of yourself and have time for yourself. We are here to help you and ourselves and we only wish that others are okay, so if it helps you to step away from ReachOut for a while I think, and I think others would agree, that that is totally understandable Smiley Happy

I am really sorry to hear that you have been so unhappy and have harmed yourself. For what it's worth, you sound like a really considerate and empathetic person who cares a lot for people around you which is something a lot of people can't offer and is something to be proud of. I really hope you find help and happiness soon. Please stay strong.

Have you sought professional help for what you're going through? I started to see a psychiatrist 5 years ago and, honestly, it has absolutely changed my life. I can now function and everyday life is much easier than it was before I was medicated. Please remember that depression doesn't last forever because there's always hope. All the best KiKi_19.

Re: I don't know what to do?

First of all, don't feel bad. Life gets really busy sometimes, we understand that Smiley Happy

That sounds really terrible about your ex. I am glad to hear that he is your ex though and good on you for being able recognise that he is not a good person to be in your life. Have you read cutting ties with negative people? (this is a really cool article!!)

Sometimes we have fall backs and thats okay. But you have come here to talk about it which is really great. Have you read tips on stopping self harm?

 

If things get really bad, dont hesitate to call one of these numbers...

Lifeline: 13 11 14
Suicide help line: 1300 65 94 67

 

Please make sure you stay safe and remember that we are here to support and help you. Is there anyone you can talk to at your work or study facility who can give you some time off to get caught up on everything and have some time for you to get in a better head space?

 

Thinking of you, stay strong <3

Re: I don't know what to do?

Thankyou @PeaceDreamer for your reply.

I really appreciate your point on taking time for myself. It's something I struggle with, but I know it's important.

I have been to see someone before I just felt a bit uncomfortable with them and I found it hard to get everything out

because they were on high demand, and I could only get in every now and then. I am considering trying it again with 

someone different and hopefully get some more sessions in frequently. 

 

Thanks again, 

 

KiKi_19

Re: I don't know what to do?

Hey @bessie94 thanks so much for your reply.

I hadn't read the article on letting negative people go, I liked the section that says to be your own best friend and not to feel guilty which I have been feeling as well. 

I looked into it and I can get extensions on my study etc.. hopefully this takes a load off.

 

Thanks again, 

 

KiKi_19

Re: I don't know what to do?

Hey so I thought I would check in and everyone know that things are going quite a bit better for me. 

I read the information relating to what I was going through and it has helped me a lot. I've been taking it one day at a time and trying not to punish myself when I come across setbacks. I had one today where I bumped into someone negative from my past and instead of freaking out I sat in the car and took some breaths and made sure I spoke to a family member about it. 

I wanted to share this and let people know how much of a difference it can make when you make the brave first step of talking to someone. 

Thanks so much to everyone who helped out and commented. 

Re: I don't know what to do?

Yay! Thanks for the status update @KiKi_19 it's so great to hear that reaching out made things easier for you. Keep up the good work and don't forget to drop by some of our other threads and spread the love!