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I don't know

I really need to know right now what I actually am.

Am I genderfluid?

Am I gender neutral?

Am I a boy?







I wrote another post and some people really helped me... I need to know now though...


I really don't expect anyone to be able to help... But I'd like to know if anyone else is going through the same thing as me.




Re: I don't know

Hey @Fb0134,


I was going through a similar experience a few months ago when I just had no clue what I identified as so I just took a big step back from the entire LGBT+ community for a while and settled for just being the gender I was born as. I soon realised that this wasn't right for me and that I was feeling incredibly dysphoric about almost everything and deep down I always knew that I was more comfortable and confident as a boy.

So basically, dysphoria sucks but it also allowed me to realise that I was a trans guy otherwise I would have been very unhappy and uncomfortable.

My advice to you would be to see a GP or a psychologist who can diagnose you with gender dysphoria, or even just to try and determine if you experience gender dysphoria towards the gender you were born as. This could be extreme discomfort or distress towards certain aspects of your body that are typically feminine/masculine or the pronouns people use for you and your name- if you find you have a disconnection and discomfort for your birth name.


I hope I could help you figure this out Smiley Happy and remember that it can take time to find a label (if any) that feels right for you Heart


Re: I don't know

Hi @Fb0134, sorry to hear that you're still struggling with your identity, it can be really tough. 


While my experience was with my sexuality rather than gender, I can certainly empathise with that feeling of impatience - like I need my identity to be sorted and clear to me right now. It can be tough hanging around in limbo not knowing who you are.


If you're currently not sure, my Gender Studies professor shared an interesting thing with me - have you ever seen an androgynous person on say a bus or a train, and not tried to figure out what gender they identify with? Have you ever looked at a man or woman, and instead of thinking of them as a man or a woman, thought of them as a red-head, or a young person, or something totally separate from gender? It can be hard, but I found it a useful tool. After all, labels, while helpful and empowering for some, can be limiting for others, particularly when they feel as though they have to find a lane and stay in it. Gender can be fluid, continuous, every-changing, fluctuating and completely individual and unique. If you can't find a label right now, that's okay! Some people don't even use them.


If a label is something you'd like to eventually land on, I would recommend taking some time to explore yourself as an individual. When I first landed on being a lesbian, I would take time to myself to do things that felt 'masculine' and see how it felt. I would test out wearing feminine clothes, and masculine clothes, and eventually worked out what felt right to me. While identifying as a woman, I still do things that are quite masculine and I don't often see my female relatives doing, and that's okay with me, because I have decided to be a woman in my own way. There is no right label, it is whatever you feel most comfortable with, so give yourself the space and time to find out what that is. 


Sending lots of love xx


Re: I don't know

Something else I forgot to mention was that you can always change your label later on if it no longer feels right for you.
You can say now that you are non-binary and later change your mind and say that you are now a boy or you can say now that you are gender neutral and then later change it to gender non conforming

Re: I don't know

Hi @Fb0134
I can understand that it can be really confusing and challenging to know what we are, and give a label to it.
I don't really have any experience or advice on the matter but I wanted to comment and show some support! Did reading the other people's responses to this post help at all?
Here for you Heart

Re: I don't know

Hi again @Fb0134.

I'm not going through the same thing right now, but I have in the past. 

Firstly, like @not-an-otter said, you can change which label you choose if it no longer feels right. There is no wrong answer here, it just depends on how you feel.


If you need a catch-all term right now, I'd suggest going with genderqueer.

All that really says is that your gender doesn't fit into the "normal" ideas of gender.


One thing that I found helpful was to step back from all labels for a moment, and describe my gender as honestly as I could in my own words. I ended up with something like this:

"I'm not a girl. I'm also not a boy. Right now, I'm a different gender that I have no name for. But sometimes I'll feel like a girl. I never feel like a boy though. My experience of gender changes."

From there I was able to find labels that matched what I had said.

•"I'm not a girl. I'm also not a boy" could be non-binary, genderqueer, agender ect.

•"I'm a different gender" okay, so not agender then.

•I'll either feel like a girl or feel like the other gender. "My experience of gender changes" that could mean bigender, genderfluid, genderflux, ect.

Then I chose the labels I felt the most connection with, and ended up with non-binary and genderfluid. 


Re: I don't know

Hi @Fb0134! Welcome to the forums!

Struggling with your identity and not knowing who you are can be really hard. I remember feeling as if I had to try on a lot of masks to discover who the 'real me' was.

I think the advice in this thread has been really great so far. I would just like to add that you shouldn't try to be completely confined by a label, especially if you're feeling so stressed out about assigning one to yourself that it's hard to think of anything else. You are more than your sexuality and gender. You're a son or daughter, a grandchild, possibly a sibling, and could have a lot more roles in society. You are hardworking, talented, intelligent, insightful and resilient. Your gender and sexuality don't change who you are on the inside. Everyone finds out who they are in their own time and at their own pace, whether that involves identifying with a label or not. Heart


Re: I don't know

Hey @Fb0134, how are you going today? I think the others have given such great advice, don't you think? Another thing I might add that you might consider is reaching out to QLife, they're a free LGBTQ+ peer support service that I've found really helpful when I was figuring out my gender identity and sexuality. Maybe you might find them helpful too?

Hope is just around the corner; you think it's not there when you first look straight ahead, but it actually is when you turn around