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I dont know the purpose of living any more....

I just switched to a new schol, i have no friends. i used to play video games alot but suddenly my mom took them away and she wont let me have them back until i complete the school year. i tried coding, coded my first app then it got too hard and i gave up. im bored out of my mind. i come home from school crying every day and i just have no purpose, no thing to do or to look forward to when i get home. i have planned suicide but decided against it. i have a complete lack of entertainment and all the other people at my school do the things i used to do last year and i just feel really bad at school with everyone talking about how i am weird. then i was bored one day and started up coding again and hacked into my school servers. got caught and now i feel horrible about myself. i am never happy anymore and i am on the verge of killing myself, please help me.

Re: I dont know the purpose of living any more....

Hi @idunnowhattocallmyself,

 

Thank you for being so open and honest about how you are feeling right now. It sounds like things have been really painful Heart We can see that you might joining us from outside of Australia. We want to do want we can to link you in with some local services, so keep an eye on your inbox- we are sending an email to you now Heart

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Check out our community activities calendar for October 2019 here

Re: I dont know the purpose of living any more....

Hey @idunnowhattocallmyself, I can see you are new to Reach Out so a massive welcome!

I could really feel your pain radiating through my screen as I read this and I am so, so sorry you have to go through this; no one should. 

 

In my own personal experience, the 1st time I moved schools I didn't have friends for a while. I knew nobody and no one was making any effort to interact with me. I kinda realised that I needed to make that effort because they obviously weren't going to. Before long, I met a group of friends that were super nice and kind to me. Maybe you could give this a try if you haven't already?

 

I'm sorry to hear that your mum took the video games from you and won't give them back till the end of the year; Is there anything you can think of that made her do this?

 

Not having anything to look forward to really drains you and increases those negative thoughts. Maybe you could take up a new hobby or sport? Here are some ideas:

1. Read - If you are into reading, books are a really good escape from the world.

2. Have something to eat - Eating always makes me feel better.

3. Do some coloring - This is a really great way to calm yourself/stay calm in a difficult situation.

4. Going for a swim - It's nearing summer and I find swimming/floating is really relaxing.

5. Watch some YouTube - This is always great, it distracts me a lot.

6. Watch a movie - This takes my mind off everything & I turn my attention fully to the movie.

There's plenty more but these help me a lot and distract me.

 

It's so not OK that those people are talking about you like that - Though it is really tough, try not to let it get to you because as soon as they see they're hurting you they'll keep doing it.

 

Am I correct in saying that you feel guilty about whats happened with the hacking? While I won't encourage that, I know it feels terrible when you get caught doing something you probably shouldn't be doing and if you want to talk about it a bit more, I & RO are here. 

 

You stated that you have planned suicide before and are on the verge of it as well, so I would like to just check in and make sure you are safe at the moment. I'm not to experienced in dealing with this topic so I'll tag a couple of other community members to help you out.

 

@litgym @Jess1-RO @gina-RO @Bee @lokifish @mrmusic @scared01

 

You can also check out some Helplines here which can support you further. Here for you 

Re: I dont know the purpose of living any more....

hey @idunnowhattocallmyself and welcome
i dont have much to add to what the others have already said but here for you anyway
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: I dont know the purpose of living any more....

last year i came to a new school and had no friends and no games or a phone. but lately i have been wanting to connect with different people because i feel that if i put myself out the more i can understand why myself cry and isolate myself when i get home.

Re: I dont know the purpose of living any more....

Hey @cemetarygirl332 Smiley Happy

That must've been really tough to deal with! Smiley Sad If you'd like to make a thread about how you're feeling, you're more than welcome to Heart

I also notice you've been supporting some of our other users already which is great! Smiley Happy
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No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish