I dont know what is wrong with me
I have been showing symptoms of depression for over a year now. Exhaustion, loss of motivation, loss of confidence, lost interest in favourite hobbies, constantly feeling teary and want to cry, and have had thoughts about taking my own life.
The only reasons I can fathom as to why I have depressive symptoms is accidentally mixing with the wrong people, having toxic friends, people talking crap about me infront of my face, and me realising I am bisexual and my parents are against LGBTQ+.
Today, I worked up the courage to talk to my parents to try to get help, but their reaction was... Something.
They told me that this was all just puberty and moodswings, "normal" teenager stuff. They told me I had no reason to feel this sadness, although, I did have a reason (and all the reasons above) as to why Id want to leave this world. They said some unrealistic stereotypes of depressed people, and then they told me to "just smile." They said to leave all my pain in the past. I am trying, but it haunts me.
Ill admit, I tend to jump to conclusions quickly without thinking. But a trusted friend of mine who I opened up to about my depression claimed that "thoughts of taking your own life aren't just modswings." And I think thats true?
What do I do. Do i try to reason with my parents? Do I contact the schol counsellor? Do I actually have depression or not? Sorry for being so confused, but thank you for your time.
Comments
Hey @Ultramarine 
I'm really sorry to hear you've been feeling this way and that your feelings were invalidated by your parents.
It must have been nerve-wracking to open up about your feelings to your parents, and you deserved to have your feelings validated and to be supported. Despite that, I'm so proud of you for trying to open up and reach out to them. I'm proud of you for posting and sharing your story on these forums too. It takes courage to do that and I can see that strength in you.
I'm glad you have a trusted friend you can talk to. Even just having one person there who understands you and is willing to listen can make all the difference.
It must be really challenging realising that you're bisexual and knowing your parents are against LGBTQ+. Everyone, no matter who they are, deserves to be treated with kindness and respect and deserve to be able to truly be themselves comfortably. Some of the resources the others have already posted on here may be useful for you.
How are you feeling this weekend? đź’™
Aww @Ultramarine I hope that you're able to do something to help you de-stress. Do you find anything tends to help you to de-stress a little?
Hi Ultramarine,
Thanks for reaching out and opening up about your experiences. I'm sorry to hear that you've been experiencing these struggles for over a year now and that they have caused you so much hurt. I want to say that you should be proud of your resilience and self-awareness of what's making you feel this way, and your courage to reach out for help.
You mentioned that you've found some reasons as to why you're feeling down, including mixing with the wrong people and having toxic friends and interactions with people. Could I ask what you mean by the wrong people? How have you been managing these experiences? I'm glad to hear that you have a trusted friend that you can lean on in this time, and have been able to connect with about how you're feeling.
It must have been very upsetting to hear your parents say that what you're experiencing is just puberty and mood swings when you finally worked up the courage to talk to them to get help. It's incredibly invalidating to have your experiences dismissed and be told that you have no reason to be sad. I'm sorry to hear that your parents are against your identity too, I imagine that this would make it more difficult to open up to them. I'm not sure if you've discussed your identity with your parents, but we have a resource here on dealing with homophobia if you're interested.
I think contacting a school counsellor is a great idea. A professional may be able to help you understand what you're experiencing in a safe and supportive space. Do you think you'd feel comfortable arranging that? In the meantime, we have an article here on depression here if you'd like to have a read.
We've also sending you an email to check-in, so keep an eye out for that.
By the wrong people, people who act toxic towards everyone, constantly talking horrible stuff about others and ignoring and excluding people out of activities and groups based on race.
I have been managing these experiences through talking about it with my trusted friend, and have been managing my emotions and feelings about it through journalling my thoughts into a notebook.
And no, I haven't discussed my sexuality with my parents, and I think it's best not to just yet. Also thank you for the check in email, I did receive it and have replied. Thank you for replying.
Hey @Ultramarine I am so sorry that your experiences of opening up about what you're going through have been so invalidating. Your friend is right, thoughts of ending your life are hardly just 'mood swings'. This trusted friend sounds like a very good egg, I'm glad you have them beside you. It really sounds like the people you've had around you have indeed been pretty toxic, so it's no surprise that your mood has reflected that. Same with realising you're bi, and knowing that it wouldn't be received well by your family - that's such a tough spot to be in.
You're not alone in feeling like you can't open up to your parents about your sexuality. I think it's very fair if you're not ready to tell them yet. Coming out is a process, and you get to do it on your terms, no one else's. The article Stormy linked could still very much be helpful, especially if you do decide to tell them some time down the track. If you're ever looking for extra support with that process, or just with sexuality stuff in general, you can always give the folks over at QLife a buzz.
Also love that you've been journalling, and engaging in creative writing with your friend as well! Sounds very wholesome.
You are doing the right thing by talking to folks about what you're experiencing - sometimes it's just about finding the right people who will listen without judgement and help you better understand your experiences.
Hey, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this and that your parents aren't understanding, this must be challenging. It's great that you have a trusted friend, that you can tell these things and they sound really supportive. It is always good to have someone like that around. Do you hang out with this person often?
I think contacting the school counsellor is a really good idea, I struggled with my parents understanding what I was going through and reaching out to my school and teachers and other adult support systems I had helped me get on the right track to figuring out what was going on and getting the help I needed. It also helped my parents understand a little better that this was more serious than they thought and that it was not just a stereotype.
Also, what are some things you have done to help manage this so far?
I hope this helps and keep us updated!
Yes, I hang out with this person very often, and they always make sure to look out for me so that I don't feel excluded (although none of that has happened in my current friend group).
Some things I have done to manage my health and depressive symptoms are journaling. I started journaling a few months ago and it really allows me to put my sad and negative emotions in a safe space, and allow me to reflect on my situation and realise it's not as bad as my mind makes it.
Another strategy that my trusted friend suggested was both of us try to write a story (we both enjoy writing fictional stories.) So sometimes we both do that, and it really helps me get back my motivation. I'll keep you updated, thanks for taking the time to reply :).
Also I have a question (if you are comfortable with answering) how did you manage your emotions and thoughts? And what steps did you take to get support? Thanks
