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I feel as though I care more about my friends than they do

I feel as though I'm the one who always has to make the effort. Maybe it's easy to put myself out here, be socially active at the moment, send messages to people. I don't think I'm even a bad person, I don't think they dislike me or anything.

I don't message them constantly, or everyday, I give people space to breathe, I don't want to appear needy. During depression it's different, I'm less talkative, but they could try if they wanted to. If they really wanted to strengthen the friendship.

I know I have a push and pull state of mind, sometimes I'm so desperate for friends, then especially if I'm depressed I become fearful of rejection and abandonment.

Re: I feel as though I care more about my friends than they do

Maybe should mention I don't necessary see everyone everyday either. I have to initiate with most people in order to start something.

Re: I feel as though I care more about my friends than they do

I know some people are messaging people. But I get absolutely nowhere, even when I see them.

Re: I feel as though I care more about my friends than they do

Hey @Creativegirl12, I totally get where your coming from feeling frustrated by this. I know that when I try to reach out to people and don't get the reply I'd like it can be a bit disheartening.

 

Is there anyone in your group of friends that you would feel comfortable talking to about how you've been feeling about this? Sometimes people can be so involved in their own stuff that they tend to be a little oblivious to someone that needs some more support, so maybe letting someone know might help you out.

 

It might also help to get involved in meeting some new people as well as the friends you have now. Perhaps you could try getting involved in some different activites at uni or in your local community?

Re: I feel as though I care more about my friends than they do

Hey @Creativegirl12
Yeah that one way friendship sucks, I used to be like that, always reaching out and doing things for everyone else and not having anyone do anything for me and honestly I think that is way worse than being alone.

I think you know who your true friends are when they also make the same effort you make or sometimes people just get comfortable with you making the first move that they dont even bother because they know you will make the effort.

Have you spoken to any of your friends about how you feel? Maybe an option could be to just stop making the first move for a while and let them miss you, is that something you have considered ?
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**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: I feel as though I care more about my friends than they do

I don't know how to bring it up with them, I'm not particularly close to most of my uni friends, I don't want to appear clingy at the same time. They already seem to have their groups and friends. Sometimes people don't even reply, even though they've seen it, and you've sent them two-three messages, there no point in going further. Some people do but you're the one who started it. There might be only two uni friends that would actually text me, without me initiating always, on how I'm doing, on meeting up etc.

I've tried giving them long breaks, nothing happens, I'm the one who usually breaks it.

I've tried joining societies, looking on joining.

It's so annoying suppressing my urge to talk, I feel so awfully talkative, I want to be around people, let it all go. My mind just races and races, I could be in a really high euphoric mood then go to a high mood anxiety and/or anger state. I get distracted, and I can't focus. It takes so long to even sleep.

Re: I feel as though I care more about my friends than they do

Uni is such an odd place, all types of people with a few interests in common (the course i suppose) but other than that they are completely different

 

If you feel like you are putting in all the effort and arent getting anything back it might be time to drift away from those friends to find more people who appreciate the time and effort you put into things

 

With my group of pals at uni, we are all so different and I would probably never of got to know them outside of uni but i guess being in the same place all the time gave us a chance to get to know eachother and realise thatwe are all cool

When talking to people at uni, keep an open mind. Have a chat to all kinds of people not just those that are similar to other friends outside uni

 

While its daughnting talking to people you dont know and trying to make friends remember they are probably in the same boat too! Floating around trying to find that right group or few friends

Making conversation with strangers talks about little things that can help get yourself chatting and mabe making some new friends. Compliment people, comment on something around you or that is common to both of you (eg, how about this unit hey? yeah i know right / weather /situation etc), have open an approachable body language, and just go for it!

If they scoff at you for being nice and making an effort then really.. they are the lame one!

 

Also, what do you think about just focussing on those few friends that do initiate things first?

Id personally prefer quality over quantity

How about becomming closer with them?

Re: I feel as though I care more about my friends than they do

heyyy

 

that's EXACTLY what uni was like for me 

i knew people but i wasn't sure if i really really knew them you know ?

like whether you were that close or not

i think it was a little easier because the people in my class didn't change

it was kinda like high school in that sense

joining uni societies helps so much i rkn

it's where i met my good group of friends Smiley Happy

very thankful for that

i just went to a lot of the social events and saw the same ppl and it just kinda clicked

i don't see them all that often now cause i do a totally different course

but it's good to catch up

since then i haven't bothered to check out the other societies but i rkn it would be a good idea to

plenty of interesting ppl around uni

and the social events help out heappps

 

Re: I feel as though I care more about my friends than they do

I'm keep my mind open, thinking of joining societies, if it works then its good, if not, oh well, its not the end of the world.

Re: I feel as though I care more about my friends than they do

Meeting new people is the best free gift about. From the absolute asshole to to the 1 word answer person. I like meeting them all and listening to there view of life and problems.
I even met a 60 year d bushy who's mother nearly had a heart attack when his blow up fell out of his closet.

The stories are endless and a true laugh.