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Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @StarGirl101 

 

Sometimes it feels like ATAR is the be-all and end-all; but it's always good to remember all the different pathways there are to your course. And it is so good to see you getting stronger!

 

One way i look at life when i feel lost, is that there isnt always one straight path that will lead us to where we want. Sometimes forwards can only happen when we learn a lesson, or when we make a tough decision. But you've been doing so well so far! And it is always good to keep hoping that something will work out! Hold onto your hope!

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Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @sunnygirl606 

 

I think that is an important thing to remember. I was thankful to have somebody with me today. He was a close friend of mine last year..before things started falling apart. And today I was able to be..vulnerable to him I guess. I cried...and it was just what I needed. There is something about having someone there. Even though I found no solution or which way I should turn to next...I still walked away feeling lighter and more like myself again. He gave me a lot of hope - which was surprising. The sad part of my reality is that I often try and find the underlying motive when someone tries to offer me support. But he was genuine, and i finally felt okay for the first time in a few weeks. I hope I get to meet more people like that in the future - that would be everything to me ☺️

 

 

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Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

@StarGirl101  I'm really glad to hear that you were able to have that person with you today, and also that you were able to turn to him and receive that support. I think we can often forget that it also takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable around someone and to make those connections, so I hope you can give yourself a pat on the back for achieving that today, as well Heart

 

I also think that @sunnygirl606 raised a really good point in that with life, there's never just one straight path to get us to where we want to be, and those times when we are feeling lost can sometimes turn out to be opportunities for us to explore and for things to work out in ways we never would have thought of originally. 

 

There's an advice column called Ask Polly that I think gives a really great response to this issue as well:

 

"Stop cringing — at your future, at your failure, at yourself in the mirror — and stand up and look directly at who you are. Not who you should’ve been, but who you are now. Let that person in. Let her be as mediocre and wrong and shameful and sad and miserable and brilliant and hilarious as she wants to be, because she knows exactly what you need to feel good. She has plans for you. She wants to show you what comes next. She wants to take you into the future you’re dreading and say, “See? You never would’ve imagined this.”"

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Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @TOM-RO,

 

This is now my new favourite quote ☺️ I read over the article just then and it was super awesome. It’s very weird when the mind just makes it seem like it’s the end of the world - I wish we weren’t wired to feel that way when something happens to go wrong. I am constantly surrounded by people who prioritise those with higher marks and such over those with lower marks. I had tuition just then, and there are three “smart” guys, who get amazing scores and are predicted to get duxes this year. When I am in that same environment - I don’t know, it’s like I don’t deserve to be there. I feel like the lecturer was teaching for the sake of those students...and specifically not me. 

it was such a strange feeling...and I haven’t felt like this in quite a while. I used to feel it a lot last year...which wasn’t a great place to be at all. They are like Gods essentially, at my school. People are talking about them, teachers fawn over them. I feel like a part of me has moved on sure...but then there is another part of me trying to pull me down - constantly thinking these negative thoughts. Funny how...it’s me who wants to move on but me who manages to pull myself down 🤷‍♀️

 

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Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

@StarGirl101 I'm glad to hear you enjoyed reading it and I would definitely recommend reading some of the other articles in the column, too, whenever you have time Smiley Very Happy

 

I think you raise a really good point in that the environment that we're in can also encourage healthy or unhealthy ways of thinking about things, and it sucks that your current environment is making these feelings of anxiety worse. However it's also great to see the progress you've made in even being able to recognise this, and that this feeling is a lot less frequent now compared to last year...I'm sure that part of you, that is continuing to recognise this and move forward, will only grow stronger and stronger from now on

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Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @StarGirl101 

It is really good to hear that you had someone there for you! And crying is often a good stress relief! 

I understand what you mean about trying to look for the underlying motive when people are helping you - it gets draining doing that and most of the time, what we think is wrong and that they are genuinely there to help us! Smiley Very Happy

I love what @TOM-RO posted! It is so insightful and encouraging to know that there are others out there that experience similar issues to us!

Those people are out there and you will meet them, its all about patience and understanding when looking for those kinds of friends. Heart

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Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @TOM-RO @and @sunnygirl606, it’s awesome to hear you guys say that 😊

 

It took a lot from me to open up to him, because I struggled last year as a result of the things he often did. I had to learn how to be independent...to shut people off. That’s a common response from people who have gotten hurt...I know a lot of people who have done that. And I honestly can’t blame them for it - I admire that in them. There were many times last year where I was so lost as a person. I didn’t know if it was depression..or just me going through a phase - my parents didn’t take it seriously...they barely talked to me during that time. And...it broke me that he was one of those people who sort of ignored me and didn’t talk to me for days on end especially when I needed him most. I was so dependent on him that I was so thankful when he finally decided to talk to me - stating that he just didn’t want to talk during all those days. This year started off with one thought: I never want to feel vulnerable with anyone again. Having ur feelings be dependent on someone else and their actions has been one of the most self destructive ways of thinking for me. I didn’t want to open up to him the other day...at all. I wanted to keep my distance...and be able to handle things on my own - because who knows who’ll be there at the end of the day. I kept denying that I was upset...even though I clearly was. But it was strangely so nice - that feeling when your muscles just relax and you feel like everything will ultimately be okay with just a small hug from anyone. I just want to have genuine people in my life - who support me for as long as they can. I don’t know if that’s asking too much...but that’s all I have ever wanted in the last few years. It gets tiring after a while to pick urself back up. There is only so much you can do on your own before it gets to you. 

 

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Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @StarGirl101, thank you so much for sharing. I honestly think that everyone can relate to what you have expressed in one way or another. A lot of people shut off once they have been hurt from someone so that they never have to feel that same type of pain again. If you are shutting yourself off from one particular person, it can be a good way of protecting yourself especially if they don't have a good track record.. it is up to you whether you trust them again.. However if you are shutting yourself off from everyone, it may leave you feeling a bit lonely and cut off from the world.

With everything, there is always a balance. Depending on yourself is healthy but it is also important to be able to rely on other people for some things too (I guess this might vary from person to person). For example, some friends might be good at listening, while others might be better at providing practical solutions - so you might depend on them differently. With that being said, I also think it is important to surround yourself with people who are supportive rather than negative or harmful to your wellbeing. It is normal to want support from someone especially if you have been battling things on your own. From what you have shared, it sounds like you would like to have some support from others but you also know that you can get through it on your own. Is that right? Either way, I don't think it is too much to ask for some genuine support from those around you Heart

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Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @Taylor-RO, I absolutely agree with you...in fact I was strolling through some other forums and found people with almost identical situations to mine. Yeah, I have had to emotionally shut off from a couple of people - including certain teachers as well unfortunately. It leaves me feeling lonely and isolated...and I genuinely get that part of it is my fault. But I don’t...know if I can help it anymore.

I met a friend in Chem. She is super nice...and has a lovely group of friends who are so so supportive of each other. I have always wanted to talk to them and be friends with them. I am also super close with another member of the group. But because it’s so late in the year, I feel like there is no point going to that group and making a change. And...to be honest I feel like I would be anxious...having to impress a whole bunch of people to be a part of their group. I don’t know...what I can do...the obvious answer would be to ask. It’s just so difficult 😓 

 

That’s why I thought maybe I could talk to them all individually and develop one on one friendships with them. During English class earlier on in the year, they all eagerly invited me to participate in their group...but unfortunately I was already in one. I sort of regret that decision...maybe things could have been different if I had asked. 😞

My current friends don’t really like having me around. I have strong opinions...on some things - especially when it comes to guys and such. From my own experience I sort of try and advise them to drop all the boy drama...and just focus on themselves. But they don’t see that in a positive way...just see me as some sort of villain. When I finished a recent test of mine, one of my friends asked the girl sitting next to me as to what questions came up - because my school doesn’t bother to change papers between classes. And I got frustrated and just told them to stop, and she made a big deal out of it...saying that she cried the entire day because I said that and that she didn’t mean to mean it like that. I don’t know what else she could have meant..and I didnt know what to say to that...honestly. I am honest to myself...and I want to be with others, but it seems impossible with the group I am currently in. 

You are exactly right...I would,like to have someone care for me and stand up for me and be there...even though it gets a little hard. I am a lot to handle I definitely get that...I am opinionated  and very honest - and socially awkward 😅 but..I just want someone who tries to understand. But even if I don’t find that person...I believe I will be capable of leading an independent life. I have a whole bunch of things I want to do for my future...including travelling to so many places, raising awareness for what’s important to me and getting involved to make an impact in our society. I wouldn’t want a relationship that demands me to devote myself to it, because I don’t want to. I believe we only live once...and I don’t want to live it away settling down for anyone else. 

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Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @StarGirl101, sorry to hear that you have been feeling lonely and isolated as you have emotionally shut off some people. It's awesome that you have met a nice girl at your school, it sounds like their friend group are a nice group of people. Maybe talking to the girl you met in Chem about her friends might lead to her introducing you to them a bit more and you being able to talk with some of the group. Would you feel comfortable with discussing her friends with her? It sounds like you are feeling a bit hesitant, which is understandable. Meeting new people can be tough at times, but from the sounds of it they are nice people that you would fit in with. It does sound like a difficult situation, I hope things work out for you!

Sorry to hear about the situation with your current friends, that sounds really tough. I think it was understandable that you were honest to your friends and yourself in that situation. It sucks that it upset your friend, but being honest can be a really good trait in a friend! Sounds like some of those relationships are really hard to manage at times.

You have a really positive attitude, which is so awesome to hear. Good friends and support networks can be so helpful and great at times, but sometimes being best friends with ourselves can be really great too! You have some really awesome things planned out for your future, I hope that you can get to travelling soon in the future Smiley Happy