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I feel like a burden to everyone around me

Hi guys, I'm quite an emotionally unstable person and when I'm sad or feeling depressed I tend to feel better after talking/venting/hanging out with friends. My psychologist said my friends will understand and wouldn't want me to keep the negative emotions in by myself, but at which point is it too much for my friends and even my family to handle? 

 

They have started - I guess, rejecting me when I'm at my worst (depressed, crying and highly anxious). I feel so incredibly alone and unlovable and it's like I hate myself at those times, and I can't see a psychologist late at night time. I have tried Kids Help Line but it felt very awkward at 3am in the morning haha.

 

I'm not sure how to handle this one, do I stop telling my friends when I'm down/feel like I need help? Is it wrong of me to message them or talk to them when I'm so sad I don't even know how to help myself sometimes. They tell me, "I don't know how to help you" in a nice tone. I feel so bad. 

 

Any suggestions on what else I can do? 

Re: I feel like a burden to everyone around me

Hey there @shapes thanks for sharing this post, the good news is you are not alone it's a very common feeling for many people I myself have been through this one too. Sometimes our mates get compassion fatigue, but it doesn't mean you should stop reaching out for help. At the same time it is super important to turn inward, and also seek professional support where needed. KHL is a really good first step, as awkward as it feels, if you're feeling like you need support.

 

You are not burdensome, sometimes people don't realise all they need to do is sit with us in pain, they get hyped up when they can't fix and sometimes turn their backs. It doesn't mean you are a burden, you are a valuable human you just need someone to guide you on the journey. Does it help posting here as well? Have you always felt this way? @Bee @N1ghtW1ng what do you think Heart ?

Re: I feel like a burden to everyone around me

Hey there @shapes
I think it is great that you reach out to your friends. Sometimes it can be hard to know how to help someone when things are falling apart. How would you like your friend to help you?
EG when I message some of my friends when I'm down or dealing with something, sometimes I just need to get it out and have someone read it, other times distraction and fun is helpful for me, and other times talking about it is most helpful. So sometimes I'll say I need a rant and I just need someone to listen, and than after we might talk about something completely random and funny which makes me feel a bit better and lifts my mood a bit. Does that make sense?

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: I feel like a burden to everyone around me

Hey, sorry that sounds really hard Smiley Sad you deserve to feel supported Heart

 

Is asking your friends what they're able to handle when supporting you something worth considering?

 

On the note of them saying they don't know how to help (which I know leaves me feeling so disheartened and sad each time I hear it), it might help if you let them know what does help. It sounds like there are things they can do that you find helpful, if you tend to feel better after talking/venting/hanging out, and telling them what those are might be useful.

 

You're not doing anything wrong by messaging your friends or looking to loved ones for help. Honestly. You having support is a really good thing, and I know it's really hard to keep it functional at the moment, but I don't think shutting yourself off to being supported is going to make things better. You deserve love and support, and I think it's really brave of you that you ask for it, and I don't think you should stop. (Although that's definitely your decision and there's no judgement if that's what you decide). I hope things can work out in a way that you can get good support from loved ones without feeling guilty about it.

Re: I feel like a burden to everyone around me

Thankyou all, for the kind words and support. Deciding to make an account and using this forum already feels like a positive step forward.

 

@Bree-RO Yeah I guess I feel like some weight has been lifted by posting here Smiley Happy and yeah I have felt like that for a while. 

 

@Bee I guess help by just kind of being with me? and remind me when things feel like they are falling apart, that it will get better. It seems i'm down a lot these days, so it becomes frustrating for my friends to deal with my sadness? Sometimes they don't have time for it and that's when I need to find a good way to deal with it on my own or without them somehow.

 

@hellofriend that's the conversation I just had with that friend! It helped a lot discussing what he can and can't handle - thank you again. It's tricky, we've established that I have to reel it back somehow because it's overwhelming him. I have to look elsewhere for support when my two friends can't really handle it. 

I finally called my uni earlier today about the counselling service they offer! I start on the 7th - so that's some progress. 

Re: I feel like a burden to everyone around me

Thanks for the update, and I just wanna say I think you're doing great Smiley Happy Reaching out to your friends, trying services like kids helpline, opening up to us and contacting uni about counselling are all really brave and good steps you've taken. Big congratulations on that last one especially! I hope it's really beneficial. The  counselor will hopefully  have some good ideas about navigating how to get support from your friends, and finding more strategies to help you manage. Let us know how it goes!

 

I think it's really inspiring the way when you're facing challenges to getting support you look at how you can make adjustments to make it work, and look at what other support options are available. 

Re: I feel like a burden to everyone around me

@shapes do you think you could talk to your friends about what is helpful for you? Maybe it might help when they have time but aren't sure how to help you?

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: I feel like a burden to everyone around me

if your friends are your friends then they will be there for you. they want you to be happy and your family will love you know matter what