I feel like a freak that has no place in society

[SebastianStark]

This is my first time ever posting on this website, so I hope this doesn't come off as selfish.

I am 17 years old and I have mild aspergers, I've been diagnosed since I was 4 years old, ever since I've been ashamed and have hated myself for it, I don't really deal with it as much anymore, I have friends and family, but I'm still ashamed of having it because in society, it is considered shameful to have autism, I've been bullied and mistreated for it, called a "freak", "abomination", or a "failed abortion". Because of this, I have days each week where I'm just down in the dumps, knowing that I exist like this. This is the only place I have to vent at because I don't want to go on social media where all my friends can see it, and my parents get upset at me for feeling like this.

[DirtWitch]

hey @SebastianStark, welcome to RO! You are definitely not selfish for posting; this is what the site exists for and it's really great that you are actually using the resources that are here for you to use

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been struggling with your diagnosis. It's honestly really shitty that you have been mistreated by jerks when there is nothing wrong with you at all, and I can understand why that brings you down. Unfortunately there are people who consider it shameful to have autism and stigma exists, but there are also lots of communities of both autistic and non-autistic people who accept autism as what it really is: something normal and fine and even worth celebrating about yourself. 

It might be helpful to connect to other people on the spectrum to talk about your worries but also learn about different viewpoints and approaches to autism. Do you have any other friends who are on the spectrum that you can talk to about this? There are also lots of blogs and websites who are run by autistic people who are fiercely proud of themselves and their autism and rightfully so. Here's one blog that I find quite articulate.

I hope that being to vent on this website is helpful too. Have you had a chance to look at any of the other forums yet? There are some really fun ones!

[letitgo]

Hey @SebastianStark and thank you for joining ReachOut! It's definitely NOT selfish of you to post - we're glad you're here!

I'm so sorry that some nasty people have called you names because of your diagnosis. There is nothing wrong with being on the spectrum. In some ways, it gives you a unique perspective on the world, one that is important, just as you are important.

Have you tried reading some books or watching documentaries/films about the spectrum? Maybe that'll give you a sense of fitting in with others who are on the spectrum, a sense that you're not alone.

What are some things that make you feel better when you're a bit down in the dumps?

Looking forward to hearing from you soon!