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I feel really alone

I feel very alone I cannot talk to anyone about what is going on. Everyone around me doesn’t want to hear about it and people get scared of me or freaked out when I tell them. Everything just reminds me that I am not ok and that I am not a person people will accept unless I pretend to be what they want me to be. No one wants to know what the demons whisper to me or how they walk and wander and watch me or stand and breathe down my neck. No one wants to know that this world borders others and that things flow between. No one wants to hear that there are others out there who come in and out and move and change things how the colors look different when they shift things. No one wants to hear how things are not always what they seem and how people can be tied and binded to things binded so thightly they cannot move or how they can take words out of your mouth and not let you speak them. That the animals and plants are more than what they seem. No one want to know how I feel inside how there is something constantly screaming inside me clawing at me wanting to come out. How I am not alone in my head. No one wants to know me all of me and no one seems to understand. 

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Re: I feel really alone

hey @Eden1717

 

I am so deeply sorry that you feel so isolated and alone with your thoughts right now, especially because of how confronting and harrowing they seem to be. It can be really hard to balance sharing our thoughts with our supports, and not overwhelming them with things that make them feel uncomfortable or scared - especially if they are feeling concerned about your safety. I know that for a lot of people who have similar issues talking about some of their darker thoughts with their supports, will often try peer support. Have you tried to talk to anyone who has had similar experiences before? I think a lot of people find it easier to express what they're going through with someone who can understand how you're feeling without too much extra explanation

 

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Re: I feel really alone

@Andrea-RO  I don’t have anyone I could talk too. I only have one friend who has had anything similar but I can’t really talk to them at the moment. I don’t have any peers I could ask about this.  Anytime I tell professionals this they just freak out and say I need meds, I just don’t understand why no one else seems to be feeling it some people do a little but then why don’t they feel the buzzing and the shaking everything moving all at once. I don’t know how to be me and not scare people and not make them think I am crazy. Everything is a mess. Everything is always a mess. I can’t really explain it well. 

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Re: I feel really alone

It must be really hard to feel as though nobody understands you...and quite frightening to feel as though nobody has experienced what you have. It sounds like this is all making you feel really alone right now. I'm not sure if it's any consolation, but I do believe that you aren't alone in this, and that are people who experience something similar. It might just be that you haven't come across them, or if you have, they don't openly speak about it. If you don't mind me asking, have you received a formal diagnosis before? If so, have you ever attended a group for people with similar conditions? 

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Re: I feel really alone

@Maddy-RO  Yes I have a diagnosis but there are no support groups anywhere near where I live. Like there is literally not a single one there are groups for mixed mental health issues that are ndis groups but they aren’t really the same thing and those groups are always activity focused and I don’t often like the activity like they will go bowling (ocd and bowling is a big nope) or they will have a lunch (I don’t eat in front of anyone except my family) and even if they do talk there will be workers there who steer the conversation to something light and fun. Like there are literally no groups. Plus there won’t be any running now anyway. 

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Re: I feel really alone

@Eden1717 I know this isn't the same as having someone irl, but if you need to talk about what's happening for you I'll listen and try to understand. Sometimes I'll even have been through something similar.

I've had people be scared of me after I've told them what I've gone through.. it's such a horrible feeling.

So like.. I won't be scared of you or think you're crazy or anything. I'll just listen and try to understand.

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Re: I feel really alone

@Tiny_leaf  Thanks, the only thing that is hard with here is guidelines, like I can never say exactly what is going on which I understand the forums have to have rules that is fine but it can make some conversations difficult.  But I will think about how to word things. 

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Re: I feel really alone

@Eden1717 that is true, I know that some of the things I've seen are too gory to mention here, for good reason.

If you're in doubt sometimes you can email the mods and ask about it. 

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Re: I feel really alone

I don’t know what to do I am scared I am scared of everything and I am tired and I haven’t been able to sleep properly for weeks. I can’t shut my mind off even if I am exhausted I want to scream and cry and I feel like I am going to explode. The other beings are mad at me and it is all my fault, well maybe not mad but disappointed I guess is the better word. I am trying so hard to keep myself together and here but I feel like I am splitting into pieces and they are slowly drifting further apart, I don’t feel like I am still in this world I feel like I am spinning in the in between. No one is helping and I am not sure how I am meant to keep it all together. My head isn’t I can’t explain it. 

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Re: I feel really alone

Hey @Eden1717 I'm really sad to read how things have been over the past couple of days, I know the past few weeks have been so trying. I responded more on your other thread here