cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

I hate myself

Lately I've been feeling like everything in my life was wrong. Friends, family, studies. I've never been one of those people who talk easily about their problems. So I just found this webside.. 
I honestly hate myself, I hate my body, my face, my personality, my lack of self confidence, my stupidity, the way I react, my fears.. 
I need help, but seeing therapists in my country is too expensive, and my parents are one of those who think that if you're seeing a therapist, you're probably crazy or something. 

I'll talk first about friends, these days, I keep losing friends, one by one, it's like they're waiting for me to get attached, and then, they just leave. I get attached very easily, and them people leaving affects me really badly, I cry a lot, sometimes for weeks.. I hate the fact of losing someone I love.. So now, yes I have one or two close friends, but I can't really talk to them about my problems.. I lost more than a bestfriend, a sister, it's been 6 pr 7 months now, but I still love her even if she's mean to me. 
Actually, almost everybody is mean to me. One day, at school, a "friend" came to me.. And she was like "you know that everybody in this school hates you right?" of course, I knew it, and it hurted me so much.. I sit alone, nobody talks to me. They know I'm broken, but nobody cares.. I don't know what I have done.. I wish I could change myself, I wish I could be naturally pretty, and loved by people because I really care about what people think.. I wish I was intelligent.. But this is obviously not happening so I just lived with it till I graduated from high school this summer.. Parents were happy.. But I wasn't because today, the only college I was dreaming of rejected my file. So, no architecture.. Because it's the only public architecture school in my country.. But I had a good mark.. I cried so much today, I hated myself for not being good enough, useless, worthless.. I can't do anything good in my life, I can't be happy. 

I also hate my body, I am skinny, but I am a 17 years old girl with a hairy back and butt, I hate myself for that.. I mean, why me? I can't even remove it because i'm allergic to every hair removal.. So I just don't go to pools, beaches, and watch other girls having fun with their perfect bodies.. 

I hate my face, I see other pretty girls and I hate taking pictures of my face, I mean, I think I am a little bit pretty with make up on, but they're all naturally pretty and have a perfect skin.. Why me again? 

 

I lost my uncle, and he was like the only member of my family who truly loved me and made me feel pretty and loved.. And.. He just passed away.. Why is life so mean to me ? 

 

I used to hate my own mother, she made my childhood a hell, she used to hit me a lot with dad's leather belt till my skin turned blue.. My dad wasn't home and I couldn't say anything about it.. now it's too late because when i tell him about it, he says, you should not talk about the past.. Now, things are good with my mom.. But not that much.. 

 

My parents rarely let me go out, I stay at home a lot, and since a lot of people hate me, only a few people talk to me.. My life is a total mess, and I'm feeling like I have no future.. 

 

I am really sorry for being so long, i needed to talk about my feelings.. And excuse my english, english is my third language.. I hope someone will read this and help me.. because I am really lost and scared of having a depression.. 

Highlighted

Re: I hate myself

Hi @Yousra17 , I think you may have taken your first step to helping yourself with your problems. And that was to write about them here. You are only young and obviously trying hard to find your way in this world. You say that you hate yourself, your body and your current circumstances that you are experiencing in your life.

Well even a lot of the rich, famous and those perceived as beautiful people also feel the same at times. That's why they turn to drugs and alcohol to numb their emotions, which leads them to ruin their lives even futher and the lives of people close them. It may often lead them to self harm or worse.

You say that you really care about what other people think. It's a hard task to change other people's thoughts. However, have you ever tried to change your own thoughts. Changing from negative thoughts to concentrating on the positives in your life. If you can relax and change your thinking, it will eventually lead to changing your feelings, then to you believing them, to creating a positive life that you are comfortable with.

I'd like to list a few positive quotes from your post:

  • So now, yes I have one or two close friends - you have friends
  • but I still love her even if she's mean to me - you are capable of unconditional love
  • I graduated from high school this summer.. Parents were happy. - positive outcome
  • I am skinny - you are not over weight
  • I think I am a little bit pretty - you still have some positive thoughts about yourself
  • Now, things are good with my mom - this has been an improvement
  • i needed to talk about my feelings - and you did, well done
  • english is my third language - you speak 3 languages and English is one of them, that's a major plus.

There's a book titled: "Your Erroneous Zones" by Dr Wayne Dyer, (it comes in several languages), that you may find interesting.

 

By what you have described, you may be experiencing some grief concerning loss and some self doubt.  And it hurts bad, I know because I've felt the same. I know it's hard to learn to love youself in an environment where a lot of negativity is being thrown in your face.

 

Concerning your architecture school, I hope it is just a speed hump and you eventually find a way around it to be accepted.

I wish you well.Smiley HappySmiley Happy

 

 

 

 

 

Highlighted

Re: I hate myself

Hey @Yousra17 

 

Welcome to Reach Out!! It's so awesome that you've come here to connect with other young people and get some suppport and advice regarding the different things going on for you.

I'm really sorry things have been so tough for you. It can be overwhelming feeling like everything is going wrong. Having issues at home with family as well as at school with friends can really make the feelings your having about your looks and body feel much, much worse. Here is some info on body image that might shine a light on some of the stuff underneath it.

And here is some info on how to manage conflict with friends. I hope it helps.

 

There's lots of other awesome stuff there, as well as info on getting support and the different types there are. It's here.

 

Have you ever thought about talking to someone about things? Do you think it would help?

 

 

Highlighted

Re: I hate myself

Hey @Zoso 

 

Sorry, I had to edit your post. If you want to link to outside of Reach Out, you need to get permission first. 

Even if it's to something great, which I'm sure that book is, it still needs to be cleared first.

 

Hope you understand. Smiley Happy

Highlighted

Re: I hate myself

@NigioC Sorry, no probs.
Highlighted

Re: I hate myself

Hey there @Yousra17 , you've been given some great info already but I wanted to let you know it's really great that you are looking for help. You are taking the right steps towards a happier life. Though we are an Australian based site, I wanted to let you know that based on your registration details I found this service in your country that might be able to help you? It's called http://www.sourire2reda.org

 

How are you feeling today? Let us know if you try out that organisation and how it turns out.

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Highlighted

Re: I hate myself

Hello  @Zoso , what you said made me feel a little bit better, thank you so much for all you wrote.. It's always good to know that a stranger cares more than people around me do.. 
 I actually don't know how to love myself, I see other girls, and I just feel down, because they're all better than me. 
That's why I care about what people say, I have a really bad idea about myself, so I look for better ideas of people about me. But all I find is hate, mean people.. I don't know what I did wrong, I am just one of those girls that want to be loved and feel special because they can't love themselves. I don't know.. This is just my theory, and I feel so pathetic about it. 

I don't want to complain, but I need to.. Everything's is wrong, I can't even go out and try to have fun, I want to tho.. But my parents say no and start yelling at me.. It feels like I am living in jail because I feel like will never do anything good in my life.. 

 

I am sorry for being so pessimistic, or pathetic or whatever.. That's what I feel everyday.. 

Thank you so much again, stranger. 

Highlighted

Re: I hate myself

Hey @NigioC , thank you so much for your support.

 

 

I don't know what you mean by someone.. If you meant a therapist, sessions here are really expensive, and my parents think that only crazy and with mental deseases people should see a therapist. And for them, I am normal, and I should thank god for breathing, and being alive, even if people hate me. I wish I could just be happy with my life, but I can't it's too much pression you know.. 

And if you meant talking to someone like a friend or something, everyone has their own problems, and people judge, and I just can't talk about it, because I hate complaining and feeling like I am annoying everyone.. 

 

Highlighted

Re: I hate myself

Hello @Sophie-RO 

The organisation isn't really helping.. But Thank you so much for your efforts, help and support.. I really appreciate.. 

 

Oh well, I am pretty fine, I stay at home all day long, watching movies.. It's ramadan here and I'am fasting right now.. 
There's that one friend I am talking to and who's really nice to me. But I always feel like I need more friends, more love, more attention. I feel like It's wrong to think this way. So I just don't say anything about it because it sounds really selfish and wrong.. 

 

I don't talk to my parents a lot, I just see them when it's time to eat, I just stay all day long in my room because I can't go out and see people.. 

That's it. 

 

Thank you again, that was really nice from you.

Highlighted

Re: I hate myself

Hi again yousra, thanks for checking back in and letting us know how you have been. I'm glad you feel supported here - you deserve it! I don't know if this will help at all, but reading your post reminded me of some information we have about self esteem and negative "self-talk". Self-talk is basically your inner voice, the voice in your mind which says things that you don’t necessarily say out loud. Often self-talk happens without you even realising it and can be a subtle running commentary going on in the background of your mind. But what you say in your mind can determine a lot of how you feel about who you are. Have a read of this factsheet and then learn some ways to challenge the negative self-talk that goes on inside here.

 

This video might help explain it a bit more...

 

 

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com