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I hate the real world- (Trigger Warning)

The real world.

My entire life I am someone

that has enjoyed virtual

reality and fantasy more

than I could ever enjoy the real world. 

 

I am constantly reminded 

that I need to take part in the real

world and I know this.

 

But the truth is...the reason I 

love video games is because they're

not the real world...

 

In the real world...I'm just a loser 

20 year old with no direction, I'm overweight

unmotivated and constantly put down.

...I don't have anything to contribute..

 

I don't enjoy the real world..

it's only ..ever hurt me made me feel

things I didn't want to feel.

 

I've felt more alone in my house surrounded

by people than I have ever felt online,

in the real world if I'm not coping no one

reaches out to me, or is kind.

 

They don't care, 

but when I'm online even if it's fake

...people care... a whole lot more than anyones

ever cared in my real life.

 

They want to know how I'm doing,

they're paying attention if I'm upset.

They ask what's wrong.

 

In the real world If I died no one would be upset..

I don't have any value as say Sam Acres ...

because I am not worth anything. 

 

In the real world I'm just, a baby sitter, 

a free house cleaner,a money bank, a freak. 

In the online world when I'm 

gaming or playing with friends..

I'm happy.

 

More happy than I've ever been in real life.

Real life has never made me happy. 

I'm constantly reminded that... I'm not needed.

 

I don't see...where I fit...or If there's any point

being around in the real world...it's not like

I've ever ...ever felt like I should be alive. 

 

I've wished more times that I should commit suicide 

in the real world than I had ever in the online space,

my life is empty and sad and pathetic in the real world. 

 

I'm forced to live with an ex-abuser that no one

seems to care about kicking out or mentioning.

 

I live in a household with people that are

constantly making it dirty yet I'm the only 

one that contributes to cleaning up.

 

When things aren't clean they find it easy 

to blame it on me when there are 5 other people 

in the house that has accumulated a crap pile 

over the years and they expect one person 

to be able to clean for all of them.

 

I give my rent, I don't complain, I cook dinner. 

I've felt more miserable in this house than when I was

living alone. 

 

...I hate the real world.

Because ....I was never allowed to exist in it happily. 

The real world is my burden...

In the real world...i'm useless and hated. 

There's no real place for me here.. 

 

Sincerely- A sad gamer. 

 

Re: I hate the real world- (Trigger Warning)

Welcome to RO @StartPlayer01 and thank you for sharing you story with us. I'm really sorry to hear what you've been going through, it sounds very heavy and absolutely heartbreaking. Please know that you're not alone in this and our community is here to listen and support you Heart

 

I would like to check in on your safety - Do you feel like you can stay safe today?

 

Also just an FYI I've added the words "trigger warning" to your post just to alert other members that the content may be triggering for some - if you need any information on this or RO in general you can check out our community guidelines here

 

Re: I hate the real world- (Trigger Warning)

Hey @StartPlayer01 I’ve always felt like that my life has always been different to everyone else

Re: I hate the real world- (Trigger Warning)

Hey @StartPlayer01 I've just sent you a follow up email