Welcome to RO @StartPlayer01 and thank you for sharing you story with us. I'm really sorry to hear what you've been going through, it sounds very heavy and absolutely heartbreaking. Please know that you're not alone in this and our community is here to listen and support you
I would like to check in on your safety - Do you feel like you can stay safe today?
Also just an FYI I've added the words "trigger warning" to your post just to alert other members that the content may be triggering for some - if you need any information on this or RO in general you can check out our community guidelines here