For years I have suffered from bad anxiety and have been struggling day to day with OCD. This OCD has gotten so out of hand now that I have become depressed and incredibly lonely and I do not feel like myself anymore. It is like my mind has taken over and I cannot stop it.
A day is never good, just ok or horrible and I when i get sad, i start to get panic attacks and it takes a long time to stop it. People think I can snap out of it, if I could i would that is for sure! My counsellor and my mum are the only ones that seem to understand and I guess i'm writing on here to see if there is anyone out there that has felt this low before or am I just being stupid? I have thought about ending my life numerous times and have been at breaking point, but it's like I have that tiny bit of control left not too.
From what you've described, you are 100% absolutely NOT just being stupid. You are dealing with a heavy load with your OCD and anxiety, and although it must be tough I really admire you for hanging in there.
It's fantastic that you can talk to your mum and you're seeing a counsellor, and I'm sure lots of others here (including me!) are willing to lend an ear and show you support. You're definitely not alone!
If you do ever feel like you're at breaking point, you can talk to someone straight away at Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and I really do urge you to call if you are having thoughts about ending your life again. Kids Helpline even offer a web counselling service if you don't want to use the phone.
Do you have any techniques for managing your OCD and anxiety? Learning relaxation techniques might provide you with some relief. A lot of us like the Smiling Mind app if you're new to meditation. Personally when I feel a panic attack coming on, I can usually stop it by sitting on the toilet. It sounds really weird but there is something about trying to poop that really brings me back to reality and gets me out of my own head!
Anyone else ever felt the way Ruthie is feeling and can offer some help?
Hey Ruthie, it sucks that you're going through something tough like that.
It might help you if you can try and take your mind off it sometimes. Maybe get a video game and try to finish it or learn to solve a rubik's cube. When you succeed you'll feel great and accomplished and the distraction will probably be welcomed.
If any of your friends are supportive of you while you're going through this, maybe try and make some plans with them and don't bother with the people who think you can 'snap out of it' .. they're the ones who sound stupid ! I think you'll feel heaps better if you can get out of your house, breathe some fresh air, hang out with people you like hanging out with and maybe get a little retail therapy too ^_^ .
Maybe treat your mum to something nice, like lunch out or a massage to show her how much you appreciate her support. Just try not to think about the bad things, and think about the good.