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I love being in a high mood-but I'm never satisfied

I have depression and anxiety issues. I'm not always depressed, only on and off. Anxiety is present everyday. 

 

Maybe I'm just a confused young person trying to figure out what's in the world for me. It feel good, anxiety, angry (irritability) during these phases. Maybe I have a tendency to have an addictive personality. I'm pleasure seeking, I'm still young, young people are more impulsive, have more mood swings. 

 

Somedays I'm in an elevated mood, but I'm always like what can I do to enhance it. Elevated mood=creativitity, but it can also mean I'm susceptible to anxiety, racing thoughts feel awesome, but too much can get uncomfortable, not knowing what to do. I'll do what I can to make it more enjoyable. I have anxiety related to shopping, I can't go shopping everyday so I need to find another means, I don't have the time, I don't even have a car, and I have uni. Then I can't take drugs, for religious reasons (well thats my only reason left), without faith I would be lost. I need something. I'm getting absorbed into life, I want superficial things, I need something deep inside, and I don't know how to get it. It's suffocating. I know deep inside I'm not genuinely happy. But I'm not ready to let it all go. When I was the most stable, I didn't feel this creative.  I love being on top, feeling invincible (confident) in my own skin, like nothing can bring me down. I feel energetic all the time, even at night, thoughts race in my mind before I sleep. I get to the point I'll convince myself I'm almost superhuman, I can run on little sleep, even though in the long run it contributes to migraines, I'm too stubborn to change. I'll not eat for hours, it would worsen migraine, I don't feel very hungry. 

Re: I love being in a high mood-but I'm never satisfied

Hey there @Creativegirl12 

 

Some young people might naturally be more impulsive than others, but I think impulsiveness could probably be a trait for a person of any age. What kind of impulsive things are you doing? 

 

Depression and anxiety are both really tough things to deal with. If you are suffering from anxiety daily whilst also struggling with anger, a lack of sleep and not much food, I can see how this could lead to feelings of depression. Are you able to pin point times in your life when these things first surfaced? Or specific times (like how you mentioned you feel with shopping) where you feel most depressed or most anxious? Sometimes by recognising the times you are most likely to experience these feelings you can find ways to control them in advance.

 

If you are feeling like the depression or anxiety are making you feel suffocated you should definitely check out the info on the RO website. They have some coping strategies that might help you.

 

how to manage anxiety

self help strategies for depression

 

It is good to hear that you are at least having some moments where your mood is elevated. Although, it can be scary if it's something you feel like you can't control it. What kind of things do you do when you feel like your mood is elevated? Are you using your creative energy positively?

 

Have you ever spoken to a gp or any trusted adults about your mood? If so, what did they say? Sometimes it can be helpful to talk to the people who are around you the most about what's going on. I think it's really great that you have faith and religion. Is religion something that helps you get through hard times?

 

 

lanejane

Re: I love being in a high mood-but I'm never satisfied

Lack of sleep and lack of food is associated with being in a high mood. Depression comes with oversleeping and increased appetite. I'm trying to mess around a little, my medication is suppose to make me sleep better, but I'm choosing not to listen, because I feel as though I'm wasting my creative and productive energy. I'm going to crash anyways, it doesn't matter. I'm still taking my med, but I'm having caffeine, caffeine feels good, and wakes me up in morning when I feel groggy, and I think I'm more used to the effect, so I don't think it makes me as drowsy as before, and it's only a tiny dose. I'm not sure it's even helping in any way. I feel dead during depression, loss of interest in shopping and life. Still trying to battle self-harm. During my last episode, I managed to go one day without it. Then I'm dealing with suicidal thoughts, which I never had the guts to act on and drug use urges during this mood too, but more to get an instant relief. I'm trying to break the self harm cycle, want to avoid getting into another mess.

The urge to elevate mood during a really good mood may sound strange, but it never feels like it's enough. Shopping urges are annoying when I'm in a better mood. I'm creative, like I might start writing a few poems at night before sleeping. Catch up on Uni work I couldn't do during depression. My mind races and races and races. I'll shop more, I'll go ahead even if my parents don't approve.

Religion plays a huge role, I don't think anyone would have saved me during my darkest moment, when I felt like nobody cared if I existed. Especially my last depressive episode, I was so scared. I'm seeing my GP regularly and psychiatrist, though it's taking it's time, maybe because of my stubbornness to change.

Re: I love being in a high mood-but I'm never satisfied

Hi @Creativegirl12 

 

Thanks for posting here about how you're going at the moment. 

 

It sounds like you're having a lot of mixed up feeling right now. It can be confusing when your thoughts and feelings are up and down and all over the place, to work out whats going on and to get your head around it all and manage it. Have you talked about this with your GP/Psychiatrist? It might be worth discussing this with them. You could even tell them exactly what you've told us here. Also, you mentioned you're not sure how much the meds are helping and I know you've mentioned your meds in previous posts. It might be worth discussing your medication with your GP/Psychiatrist too and telling them the things you've mentioned here in posts and they can make any adjustments if need be, which might also be of help to you and how you've been feeling. 

 

That's great you've got your faith as such a big part of your life. Religion can be a massive positive contributor in many people's lives I'd encourage you to keep being involved with that. 

 

Also, just wanted to say, I've seen you comment on a lot of other people's posts and encouraging others, and that's awesome! It's great to have you around and you've been a massive help and encouragement to many other people here on the forums! Smiley Happy

 

Let us know how you go. 

 

~Randomness

Re: I love being in a high mood-but I'm never satisfied

I'm in the same situation as you @Creativegirl12 . ... never being satisfied with myself, or anything, really. I'm extremely impulsive at times and I run on very little sleep. I struggle with selfharm, depression and anxiety on a daily basis.

 

The highs and lows suck ... but remember that they will pass. Personally, I don't even know what to do for myself.

 

I think we're both young people with a lot on their plates; break things down and work through them, one by one. Little things often snowball into some big huge catastrophe that we have no idea how to stop. Notice when you do get impulsive urges, and just let them pass. Try not to act on them, but imagine they're like clouds and you're watching them pass you by.

 

Perhaps do what you advised me to do in a previous forum- have you got a creative outlet? Find something you really really enjoy doing creatively and go nuts. Do you like art? Playing an instrument? Dancing?

 

 

Re: I love being in a high mood-but I'm never satisfied

It's really confusing. Random depressive episodes. I'm good, I'll do things, feel as though I need to do everything. I'm depressed, I'll stop doing things, and sleep and sleep. I'm so confused on why I even alternate. I'm not sure what I should do about unwanted thoughts and impulsivity. I'll talk about the medication again.


I want to experiment, do different thing, I'm so tired of being glued here, restricted, but my heart and brain won't agree, Religion plays a huge role. I want to have fun. I write a lot more when I'm in a really good mood too, during depression its hard.

Re: I love being in a high mood-but I'm never satisfied

Hi @Creativegirl12 

 

Thanks for coming back and updating us! Smiley Happy

 

In regards to the unwanted thoughts and impulsivity, these pages have a few ideas you could try:

Challenging negative thinking

Building better coping skills

Ways to relax

 

As you said it can be really confusing and frustrating feeling stuck in these issues and going through all the ups and downs. You're doing a great job managing it as best you can, so you should be proud of yourself for that! Smiley Happy

 

Things like wanting to do new things, have fun and write can be really good and healthy things to do, so do keep on doing those things as much as you are able.

 

Thanks again for posting and I hope things sorting themselves out and get better soon!

 

~Randomness

Re: I love being in a high mood-but I'm never satisfied

Hi @Creativegirl12,

Just wondering: how do you feel about what you're studying at uni? Is it in the area you feel you want to work in? Does it feel like it's leading anywhere for you?

It might seem obvious, but is it possible you're actually feeling unfulfilled by what you're spending your time on? It sounds like you're a really enthusiastic kind of gal, so I wonder if maybe you're just not that motivated by what you're doing?

I studied theatre and education, and it was great at the time, but when teaching fell through I really didn't know where to go. I had a lot of emotional problems at this time. I have been a writer for years and years, and found at that point that jumping straight into my project helped me work through a lot of tension and stress in my life.

Just a thought!

Re: I love being in a high mood-but I'm never satisfied

I'm studying psychology at Uni, I'm enjoying it, but uni can be stressful. I'm taking it a little easier this semester, I'm taking half of the load, the only problem is sometimes its hard to focus if my mind feels like its been fried. But its been alright lately, been in a pretty good mood for the past week, with some anxiety and impulsive thoughts. I've been studying a lot more, I have to get back to speed, and go ahead, because this doesn't last forever, I need to make the most of it. I'm trying to be active, doing things I really loveSmiley Happy. I've been writing along through the semester tooSmiley Happy, I do have pieces I want to get published at some point, and I'm sparked at the moment. Like the other night, I started writing five poems, even though I didn't finish them then, I started. Felt pretty good afterwards Smiley HappySmiley HappySmiley Happy

I guess I have to enjoy this while it lasts, anxiety can be annoying, but at least its not as bad as when I'm depressed. This is when I really feel confident in my own skin, higher mood=more confidence, and I'm really motivated to do things. Though I'm trying to remain realistic at the same time. I'm still human. But too bad my confidence is so sensitive to changes in mood, high to low self esteem then repeat.

Re: I love being in a high mood-but I'm never satisfied

Hi @Creativegirl12 ,

 

I empathised a lot with your original post-when I'm in a good mood I get this feeling of wanting to do everything at once- so many things I end up doing nothing sometimes. Everyone so far has offered good advice, so I only wanted to add that while it's normal to feel good on some days and bad on others, if you feel the extremes are interfering with your life, consider seeing a doctor or psychiatrist.

 

Writing can be a great outlet, keep it up! Smiley Happy