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I'm Scared

Okay so spoiler alert there may be some swearing involved in this I'm sorry my days just taken à turn for the worse. 

Before, I was casually reading. I looked at my finger just out of seeing something in the corner of my eye and saw blood dripping do3n the ßide of my finger. I kind if squinted and opened my eyes back up and there 2as nothing. A little while later, I left my room to go into our main lounge slash dining area only to s33 two ortgree bright purple flasheß. I've ve3n having a mostly good day today and in sorry for all the typos its late at night and my visions blurring. That's something I've noticed lately too. Even when 8m just writing stugg down on an actual piece of paper with a pen, I'll completely meßs the words letter ord3r up or I just won't be able to think of the word. My sense if smell is rapidly declining (a trait common among psychopaths). I haven't had too much chest pain today but i fell over àt the top of a set of stairs after just speeding up a littl3 bit so that's bit good. I'm ßorry I'm posting here and all my letters are messing up but I can't think straight and something similar to what happened before happened earlier in the week when I saw à bright gr3en hand ball kind of just floating downwards. I don't really know if this belongs in this section and hey I just realis3d that I haven't rally sworn at all even though I gave a warning at the starte of the poßt thàt I might. I'm doing to go to bed in five minuteß so I probably won't be back on here till four tomorrow. I don't know what's going on but I sure do fucking know that I'm seeing things that aren't there 2bd its worrying me. I think part of the problem with me typing so awfully now I'd that I turned off the keypr3ss vibration for my phone so I don't rally have a goof sense of how long I'm pressing the keys for. I have really shaly hands sometimes ànd can struggle to put lids on pens so that by the end of the day I've got twenty red vlu3 and black marked on my fingerß. I'm ßorry for ranting and I don't know what the hell is wring with most if my S's. See you guys tomorrow. Love you bye

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Re: I'm Scared

Hi @Zeldasmile thanks for your post and sharing with us. That must feel quite scary when you are seeing things and then they disappear when you look a second time. That must have hurt too when you fell on the stairs, hope you're alright. I'm wondering if you have seen your local GP or someone about this? Is this happening frequently or only recently? A good night's sleep sounds like a good idea. I'm about to log off but do let us know how you are feeling tomorrow Heart

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Re: I'm Scared

Hey @Zeldasmile that sounds  pretty scary. Ive experienced something  similar but it often  only happed when im distressed or more stressed than usual. Does this happen  for you too or is this happening all the time? 

 

Im not sure if youve meantioned if youve been assessed and diagnosed?  Have you spoken to anyone about this before? I think it would  be a really good idea to have a chat to your gp and psychologist and see if they can help you more too. 

 

Hope your ok after your fall. Here for you. Heart

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: I'm Scared

Thanks @scared01 and @Lan-RO yeah it is really weird seeing things that aren't there. It didn't hurt when I fell over on the stairs because I stopped myself with my hands instead of smashing my face like I did a while ago. No I have not seen my GP about anything because I just don't want to open up about it to my mum or my brothers or sister or a doctor face to face. I'll go back onto KHL again in a little while. This has really only happened last night and the other day and a few times last year. Like you said @scared01, its probably only that I've been a bit stressed lately and today's not a good day because its my dad's birthday. I haven't officially been diagnosed with anything but I've done a crap tonne of research and chances are that I am everything that I believe I may be. I know that some people are able to see a psychologist without telling their parents about it but a)Mum would find out eventually and b) the school probably wouldn't allow it. I just don't really want to be depressed or have anxiety about things or have compulsive behaviours or be a psychopath, but I am what I am. Be happy with who you are they say. I don't think any of the people who tell you to be happy with the person you are really know what its Luke to dislike being who they are. Some of them, however, have been through the worst and are talking from experience. The majority though, of people who say that, are perfect. They're relatively alright at learning and knowing things, they're good at sport, they have perfect bodies, they're good looking, and they're not really part of any minority groups. I don't want to have to open up to real people about this yet. It'll just be stuff like "get over it or " ugh another moody teenage girl saying she's depressed for attention. Mum wouldn't take it well. She wouldn't understand. She would think it was about things that aren't included at all. She would think that it was her fault. She would just jump to a bunch of unnecessary conclusions. She she she. I don't want to have to talk to people and open up about things. Its hard enough already. Sorry again for ranting.
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Re: I'm Scared

Hey @Zeldasmile sounds like there is a lot going on for you.

Have you spoken with your school counsellor at all?
They are bound by confidentiality rules which mean anything you say is kept private and confidential. The only time they can break this is if you are in or at serious risk of harming yourself or others, or are being harmed by someone.

You mentioned that you don't want to open up to anyone about this face to face, can I ask why this is?
Why do you think your mum wouldn't take it well?
Have you spoken to KHL about any of this?

Sorry for the questions, trying to understand more Smiley Happy
Here to chat <3 x


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: I'm Scared

No I have not spoken to my school counsellor at all. I don't want to open up about this to anybody. I don't know what the specific reasons are I don't really understand myself sometimes. I think it might be that I don't want to ruin what people already think of me and I don't want to be labelled as an attention seeker or a biatchy teenager. I don't think I've spoken to KHL about it and I meant to go on there before but I forgot to.
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Re: I'm Scared

@Zeldasmile sometimes we can find it pretty daunting to reach out for help which is pretty normal.
I guess the thing to remember is that health professionals aren't allowed to discriminate based upon your symptoms and have to treat your concerns in a professional and legitimate manner.


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: I'm Scared

Hey @Zeldasmile I can understand not wanting others to judge what you're going through but as @Bee mentioned counsellors and psychologists are bound by confidentiality and shouldn't be sharing what goes on in your session unless you've given them permission or you've indicated that you may be at risk of harming yourself or others. I think too that if you find someone you click with and feel comfortable with, you might find that you feel they listen to your experience with compassion rather than judgement Heart

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Re: I'm Scared

Thanks @Bee and @Erin-RO. There's one kid in a few of my classes at school who goes to see the counsellor because he gets treated really badly by his step mum and his dad. I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't mind me asking him about what its like to talk to the counsellor and if his parents know. I really want to start helping myself before its too late so I'll probably ask him about it on Monday or whenever I get the chance. I can and will do this. I am capable of fixing this if I only try and that is the attitude I need to have, even on my bad days. Not just when I'm online but in the real world too.
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Re: I'm Scared

You can do this @Zeldasmile! You've already taken some huge steps by sharing your experiences on RO, so I think you might find that the next step of talking to someone either face-to-face or even Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800, might not be as hard as think Heart