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I'm not good enough

Lately, my mum has been really mad and disappointed in me. She wants me to help out around the house but I have been. She tells me to do my jobs but I do do them anyways, and I always ask her if she needs help around the house but she always says no, and today we were shopping and at the self-checkout, I thought I could help by doing it myself, but she got really mad at me. Then later I said we didn't have to go somewhere we were going for me, and my mum just called me a selfish a**hole. I want to know what I can do to help but I have literally run out of ideas to help her, and her words just make me feel useless and when she tells me to do my jobs and I have already done them it makes me feel like nothing I do is ever noticed. Lately, she has just made me feel downright terrible and making me feel like everything that's making her angry is my fault, even though I know it isn't. What can I do?

Re: I'm not good enough

Hi @CurrentlyTuningOut,
I'm so sorry to hear you've been feeling this way Smiley Sad It really sucks when a family member seems to be mad no matter what you do. It's really good youve been helping out around the house and trying to make things easier for her regardless of her reponse, the situation sounds really tough and the fact youre still doing that sounds like you really care and are trying your hardest.
Personally, if i've had conflict with anyone in my family it usually is because theres something else happening I am unaware of thats impacting them negatively and they end up being a lot more stressed and on edge than normal. Has this happened before with your mum or is it the first time she's been this way towards you? Do you have any siblings or other family members/family friends you could chat about this to who know but you and her? Maybe if you can chat to someone they might have a better idea of what might be going on, alternatively depending on how youre feeling and how you and your mum normally are you could try asking her directly?
But i think for now maybe try to give yourself time to chill out and do something nice if you can.
hope youre okay!!!!!

Re: I'm not good enough

Hi @Alexarose,

Thanks for responding so quickly ❤️

This type of thing has happened before when my mum gets angry and disappointed, but I don't think it has ever been fully directed towards me. I don't think I can really talk to anyone in person right now, but maybe I can write my mum a note, it is very true that something else could be impacting her, now that you have pointed it out.

In the meantime, I'll take your advice and just try and relax and do something that makes me happy.

Thank you again for this advice Smiley Happy

Re: I'm not good enough

@CurrentlyTurningOut  its no problem at all Smiley Happy Telling her how you feel (through a note or otherwise) sounds like a good idea, she might not even realise how she's coming across if she is preoccupied with something else. But yes for now, I hope you have a happier afternoon and some well deserved me time Smiley Happy

Re: I'm not good enough

Hey @CurrentlyTurningOut 

This sounds like such a rough situation to be going through, I'm so sorry this is happening. I think the idea of writing her a note to share how this is making you feel is a great idea, let us know how you go with this Heart 

Let us know too if you want to discuss getting any professional supports to chat to someone about this, i can imagine it must be weighing on your mind a lot. Kidshelpline or eheadspace are available if you wanted to have a one on one chat with someone about what you're going through.

And taking some time to yourself to do something you enjoy sounds like a good plan to me too, what are you going to get up to?

Re: I'm not good enough

Hey @Hanna-RO

Thanks for the suggestion on discussing it with professional supports, I will probably do that if it gets any worse.
I really enjoy listening to music and drawing, so I will probably do some of that Smiley Happy

Re: I'm not good enough

@CurrentlyTurningOut its seem like this has been really tough on you. My sister has been through something similar with my dad, so I can from an outsiders perspective sometimes can be like others have suggested something else underlying it or they may not realise how much they are impacting you because this is have been similar to how they were treated when they were younger and so they may not realise how harsh they are being. How have you been coping? Is anything we can do to help?

Re: I'm not good enough

Hey @A_Friend, I have been coping by doing things that I like to do, like drawing and listening to music like others have suggested because it helps me to stay calm. It's getting a little bit better now, my mum has calmed down a bit but I'm still going to stay out of her way so that she can completely calm down. Knowing you guys are here to help me has really made me feel better, so thank you Smiley Happy

Re: I'm not good enough

Hey @CurrentlyTurningOut, things with your Mum sound really tough. It is great to hear that you have got some strategies to keep yourself calm though. And we are so glad that you love being apart of our community here! Heart I wondered if you had thought of chatting to your Mum once things have settled down? Sometimes it can help to have those types of conversations when everyone is feeling a bit more calm and relaxed.

Re: I'm not good enough

Hey, @Talyor-RO everything is getting a bit better now, although I am thinking about writing a note to my mum as I am not comfortable talking about this directly with her, just to make sure we are all good Smiley Happy