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I'm not who I say I Am

Hi guys, I hope you are all well. I decided to post this because I'm in need of serious help. I,ever since I was about 12, have felt the need to compulsively lie about various things in my life. These are not just little lies either. They are serious things. About having things wrong with me and things that have happened to me. I hate it. I hate myself for doing it. It's tearing my family apart and ruining the relationships I have with people and I don't know what to do anymore. I was recently diagnosed with severe depression and ive always had anxiety issues. We then thought it was all over but I still keep doing it and I can't understand why. It scares me. The thought of what if I am actually a bad person? What if that's why i can't stop? It's not like I don't know that I'm doing it because I do but it's more like there is two versions of me. The real and the fake and I don't know who to be. It's making me hate myself so much and it's making the suicidal thoughts come back and I don't want that again. I want it to stop and any responses would be much appreciated. Thanks a heap RO guys xx

Re: I'm not who I say I Am

Hey @Rosaay561, you've taken a really important and positive first step by opening up like you have here. It isn't easy admitting to actions which have negatively affected those around you and asking for help is a very brave thing to do.

 

Have you opened up to your GP or a school counsellor about your compulsion lie? Or was it addressed when you were diagnosed with depression? These are two great places to start to get the help you need. For more info on where you can turn to get professional help, check out this fact sheet. Learning about the different types of health professionals is a great way to figure out who to talk to about how you've been feeling. 

 

In the mean time, there are some awesome self help strategies for depression here that can help you relieve stress and deal with the depression symptoms you're facing day to day.

Re: I'm not who I say I Am

Hi @Rosaay561, this lying is really causing you distress.  Regarding suicide, do you have a plan?  For short term crisis support, lifeline (13 11 14) are great, and Suicide Callback Service also offer some ongoing support.  To me it sounds like you don't want to die, but you are overwhelmed and fed up with these problems and are struggling right now.

 

You are not a bad person.  The fact that you worry about being a bad person highlights that you aren't one - you sound really conscientious and caring, but you also sound really frustrated with yourself.  In general, bad people aren't worrying about whether they are bad, and they definitely don't feel ashamed like you do.  Also, it sounds like your family is really important to you?

 

How would you feel about seeing a professional?  If you go to your GP they can refer you to professional help and give you a mental health plan. You deserve some real help. This was a really brave and courageous post showing how self-aware and caring of others you are, and that you have a strong moral-compass. 

 

Good luck and keep us in the loop

Re: I'm not who I say I Am

Hi there @Rosaay561,

I just wanted to echo what the others said - you're really brave for admitting that your behaviour has been harming yourself and others, and actually reaching out for help. Did you find any of their suggestions helpful?

 

Cheers

blithe

Re: I'm not who I say I Am

Thanks monnwalk, yes the lying was adressed with the depression diagnosis but it was sorta just brushed aside unfortunatley. thanks you sooo much for your help, it is greatly appreciated x

Re: I'm not who I say I Am

thank you so much for your help and support @tsnyder. i think that next time i go to my GP i will definatly make sure it gets adressed. will keep you apdated and thanks again x

Re: I'm not who I say I Am

i did @blithe and thank you as well

Re: I'm not who I say I Am

You're more than welcome, @Rosaay561.

 

It's such a positive first step, and a very brave one, speaking to your GP about this! Please keep us updated on how your appointment goes.