I'm okay but I'm not okay

[modestelle]

I'm very much of an absorber of the environment, and lately my family environment sucks. I'm not really sure what to do.

BACKSTORY: I broke up with my boyfriend last week because I felt I couldn't give enough time to him. My mum had really liked my boyfriend and now she's being very negative about all of my other guy friends. She's also saying hurtful things about me, insinuating that I'm a slut (even though I've only ever had ONE boyfriend). FYI my mum is very overprotective;

I'm also getting grief on my mental health (i've had anorexia, anxiety, bipolar and depression) because my parents still think that "it's no big deal" and that I "just need to stress less" ... (even after sending me to therapy for the past 5 years). I know that I will have good times and bad times...and right now, it's a bad time. My moods are horribly low and I'm slipping back into behaviours. The thing is, I absorb a lot of things from my environment, and at home I'm surrounded by all this negativity. I would move out, but I don't really have a place to go...or the money to get a place.

I've tried various therapeutic techniques that I've learnt - distraction, mindfulness, distress tolerance... but it's all getting very overwhelming for me.

Anyone have any advice or help?

[EloiseRose]

 Hey @modestelle 

Thanks for posting . It sounds like you have alot going on for you at the moment but you also seem to have a really good understanding about how it impacts you. We have a fair few fact sheets that might help you out right now but do you have anyone else around you that you can contact? LIke a psychologist or a psychiatrist?

Here are some factsheets i thought might help you

self-help-strategies-for-depression 

self-help-strategies-for-bipolar-disorder

there are also some mindfulness resources that might help kick start your mindfulness practices again 

how-to-be-more-mindful

Maybe check out this factsheet as well about breakups... because they really can be hard! 

Also if you arent currently seeing a mental health professoinal maybe check in with some of the following people 

Headspace 

Kidshelpline

Im sorry that things have been rough for your lately hopefully some of these will help 

[Myvo]

Hey @modestelle 

Welcome to ReachOut.com. I'm sorry to hear that your mum is saying these awful things and making you feel awful too. Mums (or parents) can be pretty overprotective and sometimes, their intentions don't act out or handle them in the best way. You could told your mum that you made these choices and that to call you those names doesn't do anything to change them. Sitting down and talking about it - your concerns as well as hers - could give you both some perspective. 

You are very insightful about your mental health, which is awesome.  Trying out those techniques goes to show that you are a resilient person and that you can continuing to improve your wellbeing.  I can empathise that it is incredibly frustrating when people reckon that it's so easy to snap out of, and it's not. If you're feeling overwhelmed, you could focus on one step at a time. Maybe you'll try out distraction. The next time, it could be mindfulness. I think that this way, you get the chance to try each technique first as well as figure out what works for you. 

With your parents, you could print out some info sheets about what you're going through and give it to them to read. This way, your parents can gain some understanding (particularly since the info is credible and it doesn't lie) and be more aware that it's not simple. You could put a boundary in place, saying that they can't criticise or say anything unless they read it entirely and that the questions they have for you should be about what's written.

Have you spoken to a local GP, counsellor, or psychologist about your mental health? They could give you some advice or tips in approaching your parents. You could also bring your parents in for an appointment. 

Hope this helps and let us know how you go~

[choobydoo]

Hey @modestelle 

I know exactly how you feel i am currently going through the exact same thing at the moment. my mum loves my boyfriend but he has done some really bad things but she thinks hes the most amazing guy. I dont know what to do about that. 

Anyway, just keep your head high and dont let your mum minipulate you into doing anything you dont want to do 

[ElleBelle]

Hi @modestelle - sorry to hear about the break up and your mum not being very supportive. You did what you thought was best for your wellbeing and even if she can't understand the motivations behind it, she needs to at least respect it.

Just a thought - sometimes our parents way of coping with mental illness (especially if they don't have any experience with it) is to brush it off as no big deal because they are scared that too much attention / focusing on it will make things worse. You could try sitting down with them, or even writing them a letter, to let them know you're struggling and what kind of support you need or how they can help by creating a more positive home environment.

It's awesome that you've learned some therapeutic techniques for dealing with stress! You have a whole toolbox of stuff that can help, so don't give up on it! Which technique do you feel you get the most value from? Perhaps focus on that one for a while and give it a chance to be effective. Meditation and mindfulness are great - have you tried the Smiling Mind app?

[hartley_]

hey @modestelle how are you going?

Sorry to hear about your breakup, that would of been tough to do something like that for someone elses benefit knowing that you would probably hurt in the process

I find that when home is getting a little too much I go spend some time doing homework at the library at uni, call up a friend, go for a walk, or take a book somewhere nice and sit in the sun for a while and have some alone time.  Is it possible for you to do anything like that, that will get you out of a negative environment and help you clear your head a bit?

Also, I think that if you are comfortable with it, having a chat to your parents and telling them what you need from them could be a good idea. It is true that no matter how good parents intentions are, they can stuff up getting them across!

[Sophie-RO]

Hey @choobydoo , that sounds so tough! Thanks for jumping in here and sharing your experience - hopefully you guys can learn a bit from eachother.

If your boyfriend has done bad things then stand firm, it's not worth being in an unhealthy relationship. 

[Creativegirl12]

@modestelle how have you been doing lately. Mum's can be overprotective, because they love their children. My mum freaks out over small things, its normal. Have you told her how you feel about her saying hurting things? You don't deserve it.

I know what its like to be overwhelmed, been in therapy, still in therapy. Have you tried regular exercise? Are you artistic, maybe you could express yourself artistically. Maybe connecting with people will help too.

[modestelle]

Hey everyone @EloiseRose @Myvo @choobydoo @ElleBelle @hartley_ @Sophie-RO @Creativegirl12 

thank you so much for your advice!!

I'm currently seeing a psychologist but she's still new and it'll take me a while to fully open up to her.

My ex is also having a hard time letting the break-up be... I've made it clear that I just can't be in a relationship right now, but he doesn't seem to understand. @choobydoo I'm sorry you're going through the same thing - but ultimately remember that it's YOUR life...YOU decide what you want.

I've been working on trying to open up to my parents a bit more about when I'm struggling; I've told my mum that I didn't want to talk to her if she's constantly being negative.

My creative outlet is dance - I go to the dance studio 4 times a week now, just to get away from uni and home. I love the feeling of learning new moves and working on perfecting them!

[hartley_]

Dancing sounds great - what an awesome release that must be for you What kind of dancing do you do?

Its great you are trying to open up more to your parents -  i think parents generally just want to help but sometimes dont know how! Or maybe they are afraid that they dont have the answers to some things so they freak out. Either way, good on you for telling your mum to ease up on the negativity !

Keep us posted on how you are going