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I’m paranoid that my favourite person in the world hates me

Okay off that title it probably sounds like I’m exaggerating how much this person means to me but they really truly mean absolutely everything to me. I admire them so much and they’re crazy talaneted at literally everything it’s insane. 


However they do tend to be emotionally distant, which has been really messing with my head lately.


I’ve been gettting paranoid thoughts that they actually really dislike me and are tired of me despite the fact they’ve done multiple things that say otherwise. Just... I don’t know. I feel like they’ve lost respect for me because I had a really severe (albeit immature and irresponsible) mental breakdown in a group chat with two of my closest friends, one of them being them. Ever since then they haven’t been responding to things I say or acknowledging me online and it’s really upsetting me. I know they probably don’t actually hate me and are just caught up with other things but I can’t help but be paranoid like this. It also really stresses me out becasue I don’t feel like i can be straightforward with them and just ask “do you hate me” because that’s a stupid question in of itself.


I just feel really stuck and I don’t know what to do. Losing this person as a friend would literally be the end of the world for me.


Re: I’m paranoid that my favourite person in the world hates me

Hi @sharkteeth Smiley Happy


It sounds like you're concerned that after a conversation in a group chat, your friend doesn't respect you anymore. I can see that this person means a lot to you, and that it's pretty upsetting and stressful to think that maybe they don't want to talk to you as much anymore. Smiley Sad It  can really suck to lose friends and people we care about!


I just wanted to say that I hope you're not beating yourself up too much about what happened with the group chat. I think we've all been in positions where we said things we perhaps shouldn't have or have come across the wrong way (or in a very bad way). Smiley Happy


You mentioned that your friend has done things that suggest they do still want to be your friend. Could you perhaps tell us what those things are?


You also mentioned that you don't want to be straighforward and ask if they hate you because you feel that's a stupid question. I'm wondering if you could ask the same thing in a different way that makes you feel more comfortable about asking? For example, "I've noticed that we haven't been talking as much lately. Is everything OK?" But perhaps you've already tried asking something like that? If you haven't already, do you think it might be helpful to ask them in a different way? Or not really? Smiley Happy 


Re: I’m paranoid that my favourite person in the world hates me

Hi @sharkteeth,


Welcome to the forums!


The fact that you reached out and care about this friendship demonstrates that you are a caring friend.


It seems unlikely that your fiend hates you but maybe they are a bit thrown by the behavior during your group message. If it was unlike you maybe they are a bit unsure how to approach you now? I am not sure if you have discussed the incident with them in depth but you could potentially message and say that you behaved unusually because of the challenges that you were going through. Even if they aren't mad at all it can be nice to reach out to friends when we realise that we have behaved unlike ourselves due to mental health challenges and it can help our friends to be supportive.


It could also be true that your friend is just preoccupied with other things right now. You have discussed that they are usually emotionally distant. They themselves may be going through something and you could reach out and ask if they are doing ok if you think this could be true.


It was really brave of you to reach out and I hope you are doing well today!

Heart @Tasi 

Re: I’m paranoid that my favourite person in the world hates me

Hi @sharkteeth! Welcome to the forums!

First of all, I think it's really amazing how much you care about this person. You sound like a great friend. Heart

I can understand your confusion. Rejection can be really emotional and physically painful. Smiley Sad I don't think what you said in the group chat could necessarily spell the end of the friendship. My friends and I have gone through similar situations and managed to stay friends.

Have they always been distant, or is this something that has only happened recently? Have they been distant towards you in the past? And are they distant towards other people as well?
Could there be another explanation for their behaviour? Perhaps they are going through a difficult time themselves. It could be worth checking in on them and asking how they are going. You could say something like, 'Hey, I haven't heard from you for a while. How have you been doing? Is there anything I can do to support you?'

What do you think?