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I'm scared to talk about this

Lately I've been avoiding talking to my parents or friends about how I feel. I'm dying inside and it's killing me. I finally gave in and came here. I guess I don't want to burden them and I'm really scared of annoying them. I'm afraid of people hating me because of who I've become. So I rather keep everyone distant. Im scared that I've already told some people too much about me.

I can't take more pain on top of everything else I'm feeling. I don't want to fail everyone. I feel like I need to talk to someone, about fear, anger, depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts. I feel like I need someone to talk to majority of the days, because I spend majority of the days in depression, I don't like feeling needy. But I do get back in a week and a half time.

Re: I'm scared to talk about this

Hey @Creativegirl12

It's hard and it sounds like you are in a bit of a tough spot. On one hand you want support, you want someone to talk to but on the other hand you dont want to burden anyone with your thoughts, feelings because you dont want them to hate you. That's tough.

By you distancing yourself, are you not causing more harm to yourself? I can understand you dont want to fail everyone but what about you? By not talking about it or taking care of yourself are you being fair to yourself?

Have you tried using helplines like Lifeline or Kids Helpline as someone to talk to where you can talk about all of that without fear of judgment or fear of burdening anyone?

Stay strong and I hope today is a better day.
_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: I'm scared to talk about this

@Creativegirl12 when do you get back so you can see your supports.
In the meantime you can talk to us we are here for you.

How have you been managing your pain.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: I'm scared to talk about this

It's really important that you acknowledge you need to talk - I'm noticing a bit of a theme at the moment of people saying they don't want to burden their friends and family....

I know some people react badly when you talk about mental health issues but a lot of people are great and really want to be there for you.

If you are really aren't ready to talk to the people who know you best, then speaking with a helpline or other online service in the meantime is a start...

Info on the benefits of talking: http://au.reachout.com/the-benefits-of-talking

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: I'm scared to talk about this

Heeeey @Creativegirl12 , hope you're travelling okay today! I just wanted to say that I think that even though you're not feeling ready to talking to your family and friends, I think it's good that you're able to recognise the fact that you want to talk to someone about what's going on for you at the moment. Sometimes realising that you need to talk can be a really hard step!

 

Like @Myvo mentioned, there are places like Lifeline & Kids Helpline that you can contact and talk to people about how you're feeling. You don't necessarily have to talk to them over the phone, they have online services as well! If you do decide you're ready to talk to your family / friends, but are having trouble finding the words to express yourself, you always have the option of writing things down in a letter and letting them read it instead. It's a useful trick for when you're finding it hard to find your voice!

 

And like @redhead mentioned, we're always here for you! (:

Re: I'm scared to talk about this

@ruenhonx I think I'm also feeling socially anxious, so it doesn't really help either. I'm really scared nobody would like me. I guess I'll talk to a helpline about it when I can.

@redhead thanks, I don't think I'm coping well with this all. I'm just getting through it. Struggling day by day. I've been trying to do things to distract myself/or ease the burden.

Sophie-RO maybe I'll talk to helplines first, and work towards talking to other people. I'm really scared.

@KitKat I guess I do need to talk. But I guess I don't want to accept that.

Thanks everyone for listening.

Re: I'm scared to talk about this

Hey creativegirl,
First up I want to reach across the internet and give you a giant hug, I know when I first started getting depressed and thoughts of things like suicide and self-harm I was terrified, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. (Although it's really important to note that all seven billion humans have had thoughts of suicide or self harm, it's perfectly natural and you don't have to act on them. Most people just disregard these thoughts, like how I disregard the thought to strangle the neighbours dog barking at 7am). It was really brave of you to come to these forums, and was a real achievement. Are you more comfortable writing things down than saying them aloud? Perhaps you could chat with a counsellor online or write one an email? Or could you talk to a friend about some of your issues? Just from my own experience, telling other people and talking about feelings is something that gets easier with practise, so are there any ways, (maybe by keeping a journal?) that you could practise?




Re: I'm scared to talk about this

@SailorE thanks. I know they are thoughts, but I have struggled in the past not to act on them. I guess I'll take it step by step.

Re: I'm scared to talk about this

I understand you are scared GG12 - but you are also strong, that I know.

 

Just focus on the next step you need to take, don't worry about the rest until you get there. Just step by step.

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: I'm scared to talk about this

@Creativegirl12 it sounds like your really feeling sad and helpless right now? Don't be ashamed of asking for help - we all need attention and support sometimes. 

 

You sound like a really conscientious and thoughtful person who often tries to please others?  Do you think it would help to take some time to focus on your own health and put others opinions to the side for a while?  Always trying to please others can be really draining

 

We're all here for you, keep us in the loop