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I'm scared

I just got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, I feel sick. I can't even tell Yasmin, and I always tell her everything of course i do. I feel like I need to hide this. I feel so sick about this, i feel like im going to vomit. i want to run away from it all.

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I'm scared

Hey @j95. I'm so sorry you're upset. It is confronting to get a diagnosis, and it's totally ok for you to be upset (or however you feel). But it's not the end of the world. It is going to be ok. When you're ready, you can tell Yasmin. She's your fiance. She deserves to know, and you deserve her support.

I also acknowledge (from my own personal experience) that getting a diagnosis can hit you hard. It means you have to face that for the rest of your life, you do have a mental condition that needs to be managed. It's not like you're sick for a while and get better. You do need to make sure you manage it for the rest of your life. So I understand that it can feel bad to get a diagnosis.

That said, realising I'd need to take special care of my mental health on an ongoing basis made me start taking better care of myself, and that has improved my life. I really hope it will have a similar positive effect for you - you deserve it.

For what it's worth, I have a friend who was diagnosed with BPD a couple of years ago. She's actually doing better now than I remember her ever being. She is married, she owns a house, she has a regular life. A diagnosis is a label that should help you get the information and support you need to manage your condition. I really hope and believe this knowledge will help you.

 

Stay in touch and let us know how you're getting on? I hope you can tell Yasmin soon. You deserve lots of support right now.

 

blithe

 

Re: I'm scared

Hey J, that sounds like a lot of news to process at the moment, but try to remember that you're more than just a label. Finding out what's wrong is better than not knowing, and means you'll be in a better position to get help. You don't have to make any decisions about it immediately. There's a factsheet and a story here you can look over - not sure if they'll be helpful. 

Re: I'm scared

like i sort of get that its closure and that but i just feel shit about it

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I'm scared

Hey @j95
Bpd isn't the end of the world. A lot of progress has been made in the treatment of the disorder and recovery from it is possible.
I know when I was diagnosed years ago it hit me hard too. I had no idea what it meant and I thought I was crazy.
The thing that has helped me the most is getting a good support team team, both professional and friends, and learning about the condition, my triggers and particular symptoms.

I just want to add your so strong. You will get through this.
It's best to tell others Si they can help you manage the condition and help you and then understand it. You can do it when your ready but it would be good to tell them about it.

Stay strong mate, you've already come this far
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: I'm scared

Hey J @j95 

 

I have BPD too. It can be really difficult at the start, and it's not always helpful to be stuck with a "label", but it just means you are one step closer to being able to make positive changes in your life and start feeling better. Once I was able to find out more about my personality, behaviours and moods I was able to start controlling them.

 

There is heaps of resources online for people who have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and it is nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, when I told people in my life it made things easier for me! People kind of understood more about my behaviours and were able to read up on it and be more understanding.

 

The other thing is that when you are diagnosed with bpd it doesn't mean you can't get better. You are able to control some bpd traits with self awareness and hard work. There is a theory too that if you are diagnosed with bpd as a young person you can actually just kind of naturally mature and your bpd traits lessen.

 

I did a 'confession' post recently on ReachOut about being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and talking to people about my diagnosis. Check it out when you have time.

 

There is also some good information on the Sane website regarding borderline personality disorder. Maybe you could show this to Yas when you feel up to it?

 

We are all here to support you - as always Woman Happy

lanejane

Re: I'm scared

its just like the icing on the effing cake isnt it 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I'm scared

@j95 hugs, thinking of you mate.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: I'm scared

You can get it through J. You are not alone.

 

Why don't you do some research about it? See if you can find any stories about how to tell a partner. You could even watch some youtube vids - I know I did when I first found out and it helped me.

 

If you're up to it you can start a new post tomorrow and tell us what helped - if anything does.

 

Hope you get some sleep tonight. Might help your brain to process everything if it can get some rest.

 

I'm off for now but i'll look out for a new thread tomorrow if you post one.

lanejane
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Re: I'm scared

@j95  please remember that your diagnosis does not define who you are! This is so critical. 

In no way does it undermine your character.  I am a firm believer that, for the most part, people like yourself have complete control over their behaviour and, moreso, intentions (obviously there are exceptions like psychotic people, drug addicts etc.).  Your diagnosis will not determine your future or the way you will act.  Also, from reading your past posts, you seem like an incredible, self-sufficient and strong person and BPD does not change any of this! 

By the way, I'm more than sure that Yas will support you and not consider you any different for having BPD - I certainly wouldn't!