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I'm screwed-need to learn to do this on my own

What I really hate is that I get so overwhelmed easily, to the point I'll have intense suicidal thoughts, then I'll have to talk it out. I'll have it planned out, go through the other steps , and stop before I destroy myself, it's the part I have to cry out for help. It's like I need to talk to someone so I don't destroy myself. I'm suppose to learn how to do this on my own, because I'm due to go home in a few days. I won't have all these services, and I don't know how often I can see a professional. Put away, get it out and repeat. I'm obsessive, and it's killing me.

I'll try to distract, but I'll eventually get lost. I feel like a failure. Distraction works only for so long. Till I'm back into the loop.

Maybe it will be easier in a way at home, because my parents can hide all the shit I can mess around with. I just don't know, how I will talk to them about all this crap.

Re: I'm screwed-need to learn to do this on my own

Hey @Creativegirl12,

 

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time - that you're so self-aware is a great thing though. If you're feeling suicidal as you say, please try and keep yourself safe; if you need to talk to someone there's Kids Helpline, Lifeline or the Suicide Callback Service. Is there a Headspace centre near you? That may help the problem of not having a professional to see while you're home. This may help with communicating with your parents.

 

Also, good on you for posting in the Turning Negatives Into Positives thread! Pro-active steps like that can help you "learn to do this on your own," as you say.

 

Take care,

Loki Smiley Happy

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No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: I'm screwed-need to learn to do this on my own

At the moment my parents are temporarily residing overseas, so I don't think I can just easily call a counsellor and talk it through. That's why, I'm trying to find a way around it, I have a few days to sort this out.

I guess I'll have to talk to my parents then. Thanks for the input Smiley Happy.

Re: I'm screwed-need to learn to do this on my own

Hey @Creativegirl12, how about trying https://www.eheadspace.org.au/? You can chat online if you can't call up.

Re: I'm screwed-need to learn to do this on my own

Hey @creativegirl12

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time. 

 

It's good to know that you are seeking help and want to get better. I can understand sometimes you might be feeling helpless, but know that there is hope and know that there are better days to come. I'm really worried to hear that you are feeling suicidal,   If things get worse, and if you need someone to have a chat to you can also try these services lifeline kids helpline suicide call back service, through kids helpline you can either talk to them through webchat, emails or over the phone. They are always there to listen, and so are we, know that we're always here to chat.

 

It is good that you want to learn how do deal with this on your own, and it's good that you understand distractions can only do-so-much, you seem very self aware, and you can get through this. Your parents seem like they are very supportive of you, even though they are overseas, are you still able to reach out to them over the phone?

 

Please keep us updated, we're always here to listen and i hope your bad days become better days soon

 

Stay strong @Creativegirl12 Heart

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sometimes it rains, sometimes it shines, this is how flowers grow

Re: I'm screwed-need to learn to do this on my own

Hey @Creativegirl12 

 

So sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I understand that you might have some difficulty in seeing a professional frequently. I'd encourage you to check out the services mentioned earlier such as eheadspace and lifeline. It might provide you some peace knowing that there is support there for you, even if you aren't able to see a professional face to face.

 

I want you to know that you aren't a failure by any means. I know it might not feel this way to you, but based on your posts and participation here,  I really believe you've been doing a great job at fighting these thoughts and battling to stay on top of this. I can only imagine how tough it must be but you've managed to keep it together, and you can keep doing so, even if it takes a little more help along the way.

 

We are all here for you and I hope you're doing okay, feel free to let us know how you're going.

Re: I'm screwed-need to learn to do this on my own

Hey @Creativegirl12 - will you have an opportunity to see your current counsellors before you go home, or can you get in touch with them by phone/email? If you're having suicidal thoughts and need to talk to someone, your psych may be able to refer you to someone in your parents area, or agree to be contactable while you're home. If not, there is always Lifeline and the Suicide Call Back Service.

Re: I'm screwed-need to learn to do this on my own

It's kind of weird reaching out to my parents over the phone, we are not sitting down together, and talking about where we can go from here. Though I will have to check with the services, if I can still contact them when I'm away.

I have to check how much of my healthcare would be covered overseas too, because I don't really live there anymore. Would be a good idea to check if I already have an appointment with psychiatrist too.

Re: I'm screwed-need to learn to do this on my own

I'm so frustrated. Why does it have to be so difficult. I feel like crap, physically and emotionally. Today was like the first time, I actually broke down after a while. Feeling so depressed, have a migraine and feeling nauseated, I'm hungry all the time, but nothing seems edible and I feel so exhausted eating slowly.  

Re: I'm screwed-need to learn to do this on my own

Hey @Creativegirl12. Sorry to hear your having such a rough time. Have you been able to talk to anyone? I saw your post over in Turning Negatives Into Positives. It sounds like you are really trying and you're self-aware and know that talking helps. You said your parents are away so here are some helplines you might find useful: Where to get professional help.

 

How about giving them a call or visiting the website?