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I'm sick of being different

So I started uni last week and... yeah I'm reminded of all the sucky, terrible things about myself. And I thought holidays were hard! Smiley Tongue

 

Anyone who is familiar with me on the forums probably have some ideas of what I mean by different... I think. I'm a straight-up weirdo is what's true. I'm sick of it. 

 

It's supposed to be a strength, thinking differently but honestly? I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of feeling isolated from other people because I don't get why they're talking about things. I'm tired!!! I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I'm so sick of being different from other people, I'm tired of not fitting in, I'm tired of being alone! 

 

Today... today I sat down at a table and was left by the only person sitting there because she was talking to someone else and decided to move next to her. My table repeatedly looked over because people wanted to sit with their friends or people they knew (i.e- not me) and finally once everywhere was filled up did people come and sit at my table, it being the only one left. *cries* I think it happened during uni before, but honestly I don't remember. I do remember that this happened at high school. High school. You'd think adults would be better but humans are social creatures aren't they? They're drawn to each other. Guess I don't count then!! I just love being ignored!! I love being isolated from other people! I love it when we're asked a question and everyone is on one page while I'm in another book entirely. 

 

I'm sorry I'm not like anyone else. I'm sorry I don't fit or do "regular" things. Even though there's no such thing as normal... somehow I still can't fit in. Sure, I can have conversations with people. It's easy to just chat and laugh and converse but when it comes to actually being friends with people? Having meaningful connections... I'm lost. I'm lost and alone with nothing but my stupid stimming and my stupid brain to keep me company. 

 

I wish I could do better but I'm too stupid to do anything worthwhile. I don't even know what I'm doing posting this. As much as I hope things will change, I've lost a lot of hope. I just hold onto the fun of conversations when I have them and some of the few things that I enjoy to get me through. Besides, I will never change, because my brain is just the way it is and as much as I enjoy being me... I don't. 

(i'm sorry)

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Guess what day it was!!! It was Wear It Purple Day!! Come on over and learn all about what it is and what you can still do!

Re: I'm sick of being different

Hey @N1ghtW1ng don't be sorry you're totally allowed to vent and get this pain and frustration out, we are all here to listen no judgement. In terms of being different, you're right it can be isolating. It can be painful. It also can be life changing and empowering. It's interesting you brought this post up today I just listened to this podcast episode today summarising all of these notions. If it eases your pain a bit, I also get really down on myself throughout parts of the uni trimester, it has a magical way of highlighting our insecurities Heart I am going to tag some other members to offer their views too.

 

@scared01 @Bee @mrmusic @lokifish

Re: I'm sick of being different

hi @N1ghtW1ng what a sucky situation, im sorry that happened today. i dont go to uni but school was hard me being the 'loner' so can understand parts of what your feeling esp with people staring! what is up with that! (need an eye roll emoji here!)
im sturggling abit for words tonight however i dont think your stupid. not one bit, i dont really understand why people tend to isolate others because they are a little bit different (ie abit introverted, quirky or the likes) we really should embrace our differences!
anyways i just wanted you to know im hearing how hard it all is for you and wanted to send some hugs to you Heart
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because your WORTH it!**

Re: I'm sick of being different

Thanks @Bree-RO and @scared01,

I'm just tired of it. I hate that my stupid brain is different and that things affect me differently to others and I act differently to others and that I have no one.
I've always been proud to be me but as I get older it keeps getting harder and harder.
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Guess what day it was!!! It was Wear It Purple Day!! Come on over and learn all about what it is and what you can still do!

Re: I'm sick of being different

Hey @N1ghtW1ng , as others have said, I'm glad that you've been able to share this with us - sounds exhausting Smiley Sad 

A lot of people (if not everyone) feels like an outside, a loner, "different" at some point in their life, in varying degrees. 

I know feeling this way can present a whole host of complicated feelings and difficulties.

But it also gives you an amazingly unique contribution to the world. Your ability to relate to others in so many different situations including those who also feel "different, your sense of humour and fun, the things you see and notice that other's don't - are all a huge part of why you're such an incredible asset to this forum community. 

I understand if you just want to sit in this feeling for a bit, and be tired. You're allowed to do that. 

But when you're ready, maybe reflect on those things that have you made proud to be yourself in the past - hold onto those things. 

I for one am super proud to have you be a part of ReachOut  Heart

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Next week we will be going LIVE chatting to the Naked Farmer... who is that and why is he naked? Go here to find out more and submit your questions for the chat!

Re: I'm sick of being different

Oh wow that’s so crap and that shouldn’t be happening , and I send all my prays and love to you 💜 you seam like a kind , caring person and I can’t belive people are been that rude to you .As for the book medifore I totally feel you , maybe I’m all one as well but your not alone in feeling that way and anyways who wants to be normal , I used to crave to be normal thinking everything would be fixed but it really dosnt fix anything , I’m here if you need advice or anything  I feel your pain and want to help , plus I really feel your situation will get better xx 

Re: I'm sick of being different

i agree with everything @gina-RO has said
you have us here too, even though i know its not quite real life @N1ghtW1ng Heart
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because your WORTH it!**

Re: I'm sick of being different

What's the point in having a unique perspective if there's no one around to notice it? I guess that's the biggest struggle I'm having with being so different from others. I can't connect with anyone enough to share my ideas with them and I'm stuck just being alone and different.
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Guess what day it was!!! It was Wear It Purple Day!! Come on over and learn all about what it is and what you can still do!

Re: I'm sick of being different

Been different is a magical thing and you would embrace it , maybe try connection with people in places other than school , like clubs maybe or sports anything that you like doing join and be your yourself and freinds will come your way 😊 *i sound like some self help person *😂

Re: I'm sick of being different

@N1ghtW1ng that's fair - it's really bloody hard to form that connection with people if the people don't actually exist Smiley Sad

I know sports are definitely not your thing (Smiley Tongue) but I think @Rabbit2003 raises a good point... perhaps it's about finding places that are open to you and your awesomeness?

And yes, I know it's not quite the same as real life but you absolutely bring a unique perspective to this community, and the forums are a million times better for it Heart Heart Heart
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No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish