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I'm starting to hate when my mom comes home.

When my mom started working late at her office I was sad because I couldn't see her as often and her office is a 20-30 minute ride away. 
But I adapted and was happy having my own independence. 
She usually works over the weekend so and stays there over-night so I get my own space at home alone. 

She goes their in the week days too but she spends the morning at home before leaving. 
I'm starting to hate her coming home, I could be in a very good mood and enjoying myself and when she gets home out of the blue she would start grilling me because I don't contact her every-day on FaceBook, or have it open 24/7. 

It's too much contact I'm 20 years old and my mum wants to talk to me everyday and have me check in on her!  Like im a fucking baby!
But not just that she's stressed from work and whether she realises it or not she's taking it out on me. 

I'M NOT FORCING HER, TO OVER-WORK HERSELF AND NO MATTER WHA I SAY SHE DOESN'T LISTEN. (She's an entrepreneur it's not like a companies forcing her to work she's just a workaholic ive told her she needs to relax numerous times but she never takes my advice one)

HERE'S how confusing it can fucking get. 
One day she'd call me childish for not taking care of myself. 
The next day she'd basically accuse me of being a cold because I'd be independent and take care of myself, making out im selfish!

Whenever she comes home I usually just feel shit about myself all the time, there's always something wrong. 

She has all this expectations of how I'm supposed to be compassionate towards her, to her needs but she never does any of that for me. 
She never asks about Uni, she doesn't care about my mental state, half the time I'm the one making sure the fridge is stocked with food so I don't starve (which is expected), she probably doesn't even know the type of person I am anymore, she puts no effort into understanding me I could be a rock for all she knowns.

 I may as well be living by myself. It is like living by myself. 


She wants me to come in and help with work, but she's never clear she expects me to guess this shit she never outright says I'm stressed with my work load can you come in and help, she never tells me the extent of how she's not dealing. 

It's gotten even worse now that Christmas is nearing. 

I've started to associate her coming home= me feeling like a worthless piece of shit. 
All she does is criticise me, she never compliments me or makes me feel good. 
Whenever she's unhappy she just casually mentions kicking me out like im the entire bane of her existence.  

When she's happy and I ask she always says she doesn't mind me staying.

Maybe I should just move so she can just realise how suck-y her own life is without having to blame that shit on me all the time. 
I'M NOT HER PUNCHING BAG! So she can relieve stress! 
I'm over not feeling good about myself and like im always a bad person for not meeting her constantly changing expectations. 

Maybe I should move out.. 
Advice? Please?
I feel like this is putting a huge strain on our relationship and im starting to feel resentful towards her, like she's always pulling chunks off me for just existing. 

I always feel like there's a wall between us, like I can't really talk to her and a lot of our relationship can sometimes seem...superficial. 
Like as long as im alive and eating ... we don't really have much more than that. 
I've never felt important.


Re: I'm starting to hate when my mom comes home.

Hey @YunoGasai, it sounds like a really frustrating relationship for you. I can hear that all of this has been changing your relationship with your mum. Have you ever discussed this with her? I think not feeling important can be a difficult way to feel and can influence other relationships in your life. Have you ever spoken to a professional about these issues with your mum? Is moving out an option that you are open to? Is it viable? I had issues with my parent and moving out did not resolve these, although it dramatically reduced the impact that the relationship had on me. Do you feel like what you may be experiencing is emotional, psychological or verbal abuse? It sounds like it causes you to feel quiet upset and angry. Either way, it sounds like you might be in need of more support to get you through this. What supports do you currently have? Is there anyone else in your life who you talk to this about? Heart


I also edited some of the swearing out about your mum as it violates our guidelines here.


Re: I'm starting to hate when my mom comes home.

Hi sorry for the late reply. I haven't spoken with a professional about this. My mother isn't the type to listen to other people when they tell her they don't like how they're being treated she has a massive pride issue where she refuses to apologise for things or admit she is wrong. She always feels the need to be the right one and that everyone else is picking on her for no reason.
I do feel like it's emotional and verbal abuse because it always leaves me shaken and upset and afterwards she would pretend like she hadn't done anything and I'm just sulking If I'm mad at her.
I don't have any support systems, I have a very secluded family situation I don't even know 90% of my cousins, Aunties and Uncles or Grandparents. I really want to move out and I've been desperately searching for jobs for the past year to support myself to move out. With no success lately.

Re: I'm starting to hate when my mom comes home.

Hi @YunoGasai I'm sorry to hear that things haven't improved with your Mother. It must feel pretty frustrating that you haven't been able to find the right job. I'm sure you will though. In the meantime though maybe it's worth going to have a chat to a professional about what's been going on for you? They might be able to help with some communication skills and improving things between you and your Mother.


Re: I'm starting to hate when my mom comes home.

You're right I should do that, it might alleviate the strain and stress I have all the time with her.


Re: I'm starting to hate when my mom comes home.

@YunoGasai you've made an awesome start by posting here on the forums Smiley Happy I also have had a problematic relationship with a parent, and for me chatting to a professional was one of the best things Heart Would you feel up to making an appointment with a GP? Or would talking over the phone/web be more comfortable at this point?
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish