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I'm struggling and don't know what to do anymore.

Hi, Recently I've just started feeling like I have no one in the world I can connect with and really talk to. I have depression and anxiety. When I try to talk to my mum about it she just turns into how she experiences similar things with my dad and turns the conversation to her. I never get to express myself and on the rare occasions that I do she acts like im being dumb. She called being suicidal dumb. Not about me but someone we know, all I can think if I ever got to that stage she'd think im being an idiot. She treats me like a marriage counsellor always telling me how she can't stand dad sometimes etc. I don't tell her not to tell me cause I know she doesn't have anyone but me to talk to. I just don't know what im suppose to say back like she's talking about my dad. I don't have any close friends, they both moved away and live in the same street as each other now. I lost everyone and they still have each other, it hurts. they don't bother to reach out to me at all. I don't hear from them unless I text but I can't be the only one maintaining the friendship. They did stuff that really hurt me to, they planned and went on trip without me even though it had always been the three of us. That really really hurt. They just think about each other and thats fine for them but its left me alone. I've tried joining clubs at uni but it just isn't working, I can't connect with anyone. I just hurt all the time. I feel lonely and tired and sad. Angry as well. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone. My therapist I stopped going to because she literally laughed at some of the things I told her and she goes "seriously? you think that?". I felt so stupid. The one I had before her used to talk personal phone calls during our sessions so I always felt really uncomfortable. I keep getting these really dark moods and just don't know where im going in life anymore. I don't know what to do. 

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Re: I'm struggling and don't know what to do anymore.

Hi @evenight.

That sounds really hard, especially with your mum expecting you to support her and then invalidating you like that.

 

And what your therapist did was really not okay. Especially since being kind and non-judgmental is a huge part of their job.

Having a bad experience with a therapist can really impact how you get help in the future, so it's good to remember that there are good therapists out there, but it can take a few tries before finding someone who works with you.

You may have already tried this, but there are a few websites that you can use to search for therapists in your area. They often list the therapist's specialties, as well as previous reviews of that person. Tools like this can really help with avoiding harmful therapists, as they often have multiple negative reviews.

Re: I'm struggling and don't know what to do anymore.

Hi @evenight! Welcome to the forums! It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. Loneliness and not having a lot of support can be so painful. Remember, friends can come and go and our support network can change throughout our life. It's never too late for us to find validation and support in new people.

Do you have any other family members you can confide in other than your parents? I'm really close to some members of my extended family.

Sometimes it helps to look at the positives of changes in your friendships. Maybe those friends just weren't right for you. Sometimes, it can take a negative event or crisis for us to work out how strong our support network is and who we can truly rely on. Often, people can just be a poor fit for us. I'm sure you'll eventually find people who can appreciate and support you.

Those therapists sound pretty dodgy. You're definitely not alone in having those sort of experiences. Someone I know told me about a psychologist they used to see who would spend the whole session blaming and criticising them rather than actually supporting them and helping them to make positive changes. I was wondering if you have tried online or telephone mental health services. You might be able to access counselling services that way. I can point you towards some if that's something you're interested in exploring.

I think the advice @Tiny_leaf gave is really great!

Re: I'm struggling and don't know what to do anymore.

Hi @evenight! It sounds like you're going through a bit of a tough time atm, which is never fun. Remember that you are never alone and there will always be someone you can talk to, even when it doesn't seem like it.

What your mum is doing is very unfair on you and I want you to know that the way you're feeling is absolutely not 'dumb' and that you are entitled to be listened to and to be able to express how you feel without judgement. Its great that you are there for your mum and its really good that she has you to talk to, but, to put it as softly as possible, she shouldn't be relying on you so much to deal and listen to her issues; its not your responsibility and you shouldn't feel pressured to take on that responsibility because she doesn't have anyone else to talk to. There are lots of options for anyone to find help for a variety of different situations that she can seek help from too. Its ok to listen sometimes, but you can't be expected to listen all the time, especially when you're not being treated with the same type of respect.

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation with your friends, that's a sucky situation to be in and I know it really hurts.

It's really good that you tried joining some clubs to try and connect with people, that's a great step in the right direction! Does your uni offer any study groups? If it does it might be a great option to try an connect over a similar issue/subject as sometimes the best way to connect with people is through similar problems (like a common enemy? But the enemy is a subject that you struggle with and then you can help each other with it? Idk if that makes sense.)

The way you were treated by your therapist is totally wrong and absolutely out of line. A therapist's job is to help people without judgement and the fact that they couldn't achieve that says a lot about their character. The other two posts offer really great advice that I totally agree with! Perhaps try a little bit of online counselling? Places like Headspace I'm pretty sure are there for guidance and may help to point you in the right direction, and if not that, they can at least offer you an ear and some support.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel. You are not alone, and things can and will work out. Stay safe and never hesitate to "ReachOut" Heart

Re: I'm struggling and don't know what to do anymore.

Hi @Tiny_leaf

Thank you for your reply. I haven’t tried looking on the websites for the therapists specialities before so I’m going to try that. I’ve always gone to the one provide at uni or my doctors office.

Re: I'm struggling and don't know what to do anymore.

Hi @WheresMySquishy

Thanks for replying. I don’t really have anyone else in the family I can talk to no. My dad is around but not without Mum and always ends the same way. I feel bad cause I knows she’s struggling to but so am I. It’s just a shitty situation sometimes.
I really do hope I find some new friends, I’ve missed just having someone to catch up with.

Re: I'm struggling and don't know what to do anymore.

Hi @whatevermannn

Thanks you, I’ve been feeling really crap like maybe just overreacting but it feels so strong. I’m glad to hear it isn’t dumb. I think I will give headspace a try and see how it goes. I know I should be doing some therapy just after these past two I haven’t wanted to again.

Re: I'm struggling and don't know what to do anymore.

Hi @evenight,

Thank you for getting back to us- I am so sorry to hear how hard things have been for you with friends, family and professionals. We would love to hear how you go with headspace- finding a professional you gel with is super important Heart

You mentioned that your mum often confides in you about your dad, and this is something that has had a big impact on you. When this happens, what do you do to look after yourself following the conversation? Have you been able to do anything that helps you manage that moment, such as self care?

I can imagine not having your friends around when you need them most would be so hard Heart I share your hope that you will find new friends and we are also here for you too! What are your thoughts about some of the suggestions from @whatevermannn  about meeting new friends?

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Re: I'm struggling and don't know what to do anymore.

Hey @evenight, just checking in, I hope you're alright. It's totally understandable that you're feeling a little iffy about going back into therapy/seeing a counselor, and I think it's totally ok if you don't feel ready to get back into it yet. Just remember there are lots of options and it might take a couple tries to gel with someone. I hope everything goes well Heart wishing you the best