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I'm trying to hide myself from the world

@hartley_ 

This is the follow up post. I was talking about in my other post.

So recently I'm finding myself scared to reveal my true self, you see the old me would love to:

Contribute to class discussions

Share his creative artworks with everyone possible

and just all around feel he was a good person.

 

Now, I don't do any of that.

I don't speak up in class. I feel inadquete compared to my peers. I don't feel like I belong at all. Everyone else has done something amazing, they have earned praise from the teachers, community and even at times gotten photos taken in the paper! I've never done anything like that, I feel like I've acomplished nothing....I feel worthless. I also get laughed at and harrased if I try to answer a question straight away. I feel like I could stop going to school and no one would care I was gone

 

I don't like sharing my artworks anymore, again I just feel like no one cares about what I do.

 

and I just feel like a terrible person. I feel like whenver I stutter when talking I look like a complete idiot. I also just feel like I anger people to the point where they hate me.

 

I've seen my school counsellor but I'm finding Im also a pain in the butt there, I was given the whole "Name 5 good things about yourself" and I couldn't think of a thing to say.

 

Which leads to me wanting to hide myself, I feel like I'm not even worth knowing, everyone I try to talk to just ends up sounding like they really don't enjoy my company or talking to me at all.

 

 

 

 

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Re: I'm trying to hide myself from the world

@MemphisBelle it sounds pretty tough for you. I know what it's like to be afraid and wanting to isolate yourself. I did that during my last depressive episode. i know its hard if you feel as though you don't belong anywhere. Have you spoken to anyone about this?

Remember that, while there are cruel people out there. Not everyone is like that. It can be difficult to move forward after you've been hurt. You learn to build walls.

Everyone has weaknesses and strengths. You need to recognise your strengths. Has anyone every commented on your artwork? Do you think you could join an artwork activity? Would you be comfortable? Sometimes joining and following your passions helps you build up your self-esteem.

Hope things get better Smiley Happy. Stay strong Smiley Happy

Re: I'm trying to hide myself from the world

@Creativegirl12 

I get comments on my artworks, but it's more a "looking good" generic statement. I really don't have any fresh original ideas. I mostly just do paintings and clay sculpts of movie characters and monsters such as Black Widow from the Avengers and the monster from Alien 3. I really have no originality cause I feel like my original ideas are poor and inaqudete so I never both to express them.

 

I don't know about art groups around me, I am a part of a model building club but find it hard fitting in, everyone is such masters and mine look so poor. I really do it for the fun and thrill of building whilst the others take attention to detail dead seriously.

 

I find my passions are hard to enjoy, I feel like I have no unique talent or skill. and it bothers me because people say I do. But I seriously can't convice myself. I can't see my strengths at all and it bothers me so much.

 

 Same goes for my drama class There are certain group of kids who get on really well with our teacher, often helping him out with several of class Drama activities such as our school production, I desperately tried express my desire to help them out, but was turned down repeatedly. Even though he wrote that I was "an enthusiastic student" I feel like I've barely shown what I'm willing to do.I'm NOT asking to be a teachers pet or be the number 1 student, I just want to feel like a team player, but I don't feel like that at all.I Feel invisible 

Re: I'm trying to hide myself from the world

Hi @MemphisBelle Smiley Happy

 

It sounds like you're experiencing a rough time right now, and your self-esteem seems to be taking a hit. Have you thought about where all of this negativity is coming from? This might help you figure out what might be making you feel terrible. 

It sounds like you're having a lot of negative self-beliefs as well. Challenging negative thoughts and examining your self-talk could help.

 

As for artistic inspiration, I sometimes write in my down time (although nowhere near as much as I used to, unfortunately) and when I was starting out I was told that sometimes the best inspiration will come from a completely unexpected place. Perhaps learning something new or trying a new hobby? It could broaden your horizons and get you thinking about your self-expression in a new way.

 

I also second what @Creativegirl12 says about speaking to someone, because it could help you sort out all of those feelings.

Either way, good luck and let us know how things go Smiley Happy

Re: I'm trying to hide myself from the world

@MemphisBelle I went through something pretty damn similar, so I know how rough it can be! Definitely check out the links @safari93 has provided as they are super helpful, but one thing I can add that helped me was learning how to live for yourself. I definitely got too caught up with wanting acceptance, feeling like part of the group or feeling wanted, I started doing things to impress other people and that's a very detrimental path to go down. It was hard, but I eventually learnt to focus on myself, and do things that made me happy, regardless of what anybody else thought. Maybe your art sucks, maybe it's awesome, but the only person whose opinion matters is your own. If you enjoy it, do it, and do it for yourself. Once I started living for myself everything around me started to change for the better, too.

 

Let us know how you get on Smiley Happy

Re: I'm trying to hide myself from the world

@FItzChivalry 

Seeing someone at Headspace tomorrow, will let you know how it goes

Below is one of the sculptures I have made, it's the Alien from the movie Alien 3. An old one and a redo

photo (4).JPG

 

Re: I'm trying to hide myself from the world

Hey @MemphisBelle thanks for doing a follow up for us to let us know how you are

Straight away I could tell that sculpture was from Alien! Its cool Smiley Very Happy

 

You said that you are too scared to try out new ideas or original things for fear of them not being good enough..

What if they areee good enough? and you are keeping yourself from being able to do them?

And as @FItzChivalry said, even if they arent million dollar art pieces, doing your own stuff and what you enjoy could make them a million dollars to you

 

Life is too short to go through it unhappy and unfulfilled. I say screw what others think and do what you want and what makes you happy. You said you are seeing the school counsellor but its getting a pain, what is lacking there that we can maybe help you find somewhere else? Its hard to tell someone your thoughts and feelings, and like with any regular person you might not always click with them - its okay to move around if you arent getting what you need from them

 

Have you thought about giving Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or Lifeline (13 11 14) a call? you can chat to them on the phone or over the net (email or webchat). They might be able to help you suss what you really want or need from a counsellor?

 

In the meantime, keep being you and do it for you Smiley Happy dont worry about what others are doing or what they think, at the end of the day you have to live with you not them!

Re: I'm trying to hide myself from the world

Hey @MemphisBelle - if you're having a hard time with the positive thinking exercises your school counsellor is giving you, you could totally practice here on Reach Out. We have quite a few threads about looking for the best in yourself, plus you get to read everyone elses answers for inspiration!

 

 

Re: I'm trying to hide myself from the world

@ElleBelle Hmmmm Smiley Happy

I have something post in the "What are you proud of" section. I'll mention you in the post

 

I saw a headspace case worker today, I should be talking to someone real soon. My toxic friend probably hates me now, but that was going to happen regardless.

Re: I'm trying to hide myself from the world

@ElleBelle Realised I hadn't given any sort of update in a while.

So things are getting tougher as the days go on...

 

I got my school report for the end of Year 11 . I felt like I was consistently screwing up and doing the wrong thing whilst the report says the opposite. It says the exact same thing as the start of year report back when I was feeling confident and eager to demonstrate my skills. But recently I've been hiding myself away, and the card has little to no differences. Therefore it makes me feel like my attempts to be more confident and out there really didn't matter

 

I think the Year 12 nerves have hit me, I don't feel like I can do the HSC. I feel like it's pointless and I'm just going to fail

I want to be an actor, filmmaker or action figure sculptor at a company like Hot Toys! NECA or Macfarlane but I feel like those are bad choices for someone who has a lot of aniexty and depressions about themselves.

....hopefully I see headspace during the week.

 

Keep you posted