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I might be non-binary

[N] Hi, it's N. The five of us came here because we think I might be non-binary. For those who don't know (we are new here), the five of us share a brain and a body together. I'm N, here with A, D, S and J. At the moment nobody else knows about the five of us (other than some friends online who we haven't met) and a few online counsellors who I've been to.

 

We're not really sure if I should talk about me being non-binary or not. I'm afraid I'll be discriminated against for it or thought of by people differently, plus I'm the only one of us who is non-binary (A and J are female and D and S are male). I also don't know what pronouns I want to be referred to by and a bunch of other things. It's really complicated. A especially wants to try and support me but she's gotten upset because she has no idea what to do. D, J and S haven't treated it like it's as big of a deal and they're just letting me be me.

 

Problem is, I don't know how to figure out a lot of this non-binary stuff. I don't feel like I identify with my birth gender anymore and it's very confusing. We don't know whether we should speak up or not about this. Since A, D, J and S also control our body sometimes, I don't know how they'd feel about being treated as non-binary. Plus we all agree we really shouldn't say anything about there being more than one of us so people don't accuse us of being insane.

 

This is just a mess. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Re: I might be non-binary

@SomeoneNADJS Hi N, thanks so much for your post. It sounds like you coming to terms with possibly identifying as non-binary is a bit confusing, is that correct? I can't directly relate to your experiences, but I know that some of our other members can. I'm sorry that you feel you might be discriminated against for sharing that information, that can make things very challenging. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this at the moment? Heart

 

Have you ever tried contacting QLife? Their phone number is 1800 184 527 (3pm - midnight) and they also offer webchat. They are an excellent service for people who are questioning their gender identity and are worried about possible discrimination.

 

I might just also tag some other users for you Smiley Happy We're always here for you. Heart

@DruidChild @redhead @DirtWitch @N1ghtW1ng

Re: I might be non-binary

[N] @mrmusic Hi,

 

Yeah, it is a bit confusing. About people I can talk to, coincidentally two people we knew online from a plural community (both share a body, like us) starting talking about something similar. So, I can talk to them. S has also expressed interest in this.

 

We'd never heard of QLife before. We'll take a look. Thank you so much. Smiley Happy

Re: I might be non-binary

Hey @SomeoneNADJS.
I'm sorry that I can't help. I'm female and don't have any gender identity experience.
Can I ask,
What do you mean by sharing a body?
Is that literal? Or just sharing an account?

Re: I might be non-binary

[N] @xXLexi_Lou122Xx Good question. I do mean it literally. It's been just over 6 months since A and I first found each other. Few days later we found D. J came 19 days after that and S a couple of months. Although there is the account too. While I'm the only non-binary one here, A and J both differ from our body's gender. Although when A's controlling she doesn't really seem to care (mainly it's either just me or A and I together controlling our body).

 

I have had one talk on QLife. I think it went pretty well. A's gotten worried on how to support me and had a bit of stress lately, so she went on Kids Helpline once or twice and we got a recommendation to go to Headspace, so, we might try taking a look there.

 

Also been recently questioning about there being more than one of us. I can't think of a way to prove to each other that we are conscious (bothers me especially sometimes), so I've been recently not being bothered so much by the body as much as freaking out over the ideas of philosophical zombies and determinism (not something I'd recommend).

Re: I might be non-binary

Thanks @SomeoneNADJS.
That explains it a bit. I'm interested in this kind of thing.
I'll keep looking on this thread, and help in any way I can. Even if I can't help most of the time.
I definitely agree with everyone else who has replied to this thread.

//You are strong, You are beautiful, You are enough//

Re: I might be non-binary

[A] Back again. I think N's calmed down after their paranoia about incompatibilism. They've decided they want to be referred to as "they" rather than "him". They don't know if it's temporary or not, they haven't found a pronoun they like yet. (Wow, changing pronoun use is hard.)

 

[N] I think I'm feeling a bit more comfortable being non-binary now. It doesn't feel as awkward as it did a while ago. Smiley Happy

Re: I might be non-binary

Hi A and N (and D, S and J, if they're also reading this)! I'm really glad that you are all so supportive of each other and N's gender. I've heard that for some people, it can be really hard sharing a brain and body, so well done for working together and getting along so well. It sounds like A likes to step up and help the others, which is a really good quality to have.

I'm really happy that N is feeling better. I think it's okay if N doesn't want to fully commit to pronouns yet. After all, you could be sharing the same body and brain for a lifetime.

I have heard of many others like you and some of them have even written some books about their experience. Maybe they might have some insight into and advice for issues like these.

Re: I might be non-binary

[A] Hi @WheresMySquishy! It's not really hard for us, although sometimes one or more of us will feel terrible for whatever reason, but we help each other out a lot. We all love each other a lot. And yes, I do try to do that when I can but it can be pretty stressful and tiring at times if I don't know what to do. Thank you Smiley Happy

 

We really hope we'll be together for the rest of our life/lives. We don't know of any books about plurality though. We're not DID or OSDD, and we don't really know how common groups like us are.

 

[N] I think I'll stick to "they" for now. I'm still figuring it out, but I think I want to keep it for now. Thank you. All of us can see that; we share memories.

Re: I might be non-binary

Hi again @SomeoneNADJS! I'm so glad that you all love and like looking out for each other. It can be really exhausting supporting other people when they're going through difficult times. Make sure to take care of yourself too!

I'm not sure I've seen any books that are purely about plurality, but I've seen a few groups online about it such as on Reddit.There are a few articles online about it. Others might also refer to it as multiplicity, so there could be some more resources if you search for that term. In my experience, I think that plurality may be more common in particular cultures and parts of the world, so there might be some things out there by people from other countries.

I'm glad that you're both feeling better! Smiley Happy