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Re: I miss my Dad

Thanks @blithe @OceanMaster1207 I have people in my life that I consider family and that's made up of a few friends, who are great, but I can't help but think about I wish things were different, every since I was a kid I just wanted to fit in and feel like I have a normal family
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I miss my Dad

@j95 definitely. You have been through so much and have come such a very long way. You deserve to be loved and cared for by your family as we care for you here! Remember though, families aren't usually that normal. In fact I would hazard a guess and say majority are imperfect. We just don't always see those imperfections looking in from the outside. So although we see a family and go, gee I wish I could get along with my brother and sister like that, it's likely that they also have to deal with a lot of complications.

Re: I miss my Dad

Yeah that's pretty @OceanMaster1207 people can hide things like family issues pretty well (I know that from experience)
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I miss my Dad

I'm not sure about you but I find that people who hide their family issues are less likely to talk about them openly and get help. Whether it be during or after everything to talk about it is a real strength and it's a strength that you have. It shows some real courage and trust for someone to do that.

Re: I miss my Dad

@FootyFan26 thank you Smiley Happy

I guess I just hid what was going for so many years and now my dad is gone, so I don't feel as unsafe about sharing because he can't hurt me anymore
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I miss my Dad

Hey @j95, I'm really glad to hear that you feel safer now that you don't have your dad in the picture. I'm also sorry to hear how hard it's been for you not having that father figure in your life. I think that @FootyFan26 had some fantastic points for you to consider.

 

Do you think that having experienced what you have been through will inspire you to treat others in a certain way and be there for them when they need you? 

 

It also sounds like it's been really overwhelming for you and that your dealing with alot of built up emotions at the moment. Is there something youd like to chat about that has been particularly difficult for you?

 

We are all here to help,

 

Lahna

Re: I miss my Dad

Definitely has helped me be able to assist and be there for others @Lahna Like with my brother, I never really had someone to look out for me and support me so that's why I invest so much time in caring for him and helping him out
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I miss my Dad

Hey Jay - just wanted to drop by to let you know it makes sense that you are grieving, there are so many things that you've lost both from your fathers life and his passing.

 

When there are significant problems or abuse issues in a relationship and one of the parties dies, a lot of business is left unfinished, including arguments unresolved, words unspoken, questions unanswered, and love undeclared. The survivor (you) is left hanging in mid-air, unable to complete the relationship with the deceased, unable to mourn, and stuck in the pain of your grief.

 

There are ways that you could look at addressing all that "unfinished business” such as not having a chance for him to ever apologise for the things he said and did & what he failed to say and do. For him not being able to see how proud he should be of you or even for you not having a chance to confront him on his behavior toward you.

 

If you were able to write down everything that was left unfinished, thinking about each thing on the list, then considering what you could do to get some relief and put some closure on it. For example, you could write a letter, make an audio tape, write a song or poem, paint a picture, make a collage – whatever works for you – addressing your unfinished business and stating how you would have wanted it finished. If you find this too difficult to do on your own, you might consider seeking the understanding and support of a grief counselor or use your existing counselor. 

 

It will take time to work through these feelings and the greif for your Dad all mixed up with the grief for the the things that never were... We're here for as long as you need!

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: I miss my Dad

Thank you @Sophie-RO

 

im really going to try that list and work through it, that's a really good idea. I think I'll try writing letters again, it's something that hasn't worked for me in the past but it might be helpful now. thanks for your help Smiley Happy 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: I miss my Dad

It must be so comforting for your brother to know how much you care about him. He is very lucky!

 

How are you feeling about things today?