I need help moving foward
Hi there, Now this is probably going to be long so i'm really sorry but please dont give up reading.
I am 18 years old and am nearly finished my first year at Uni. i have been staying on campus, living in college since Feb this year.
Between the ages of 13 and 15, i was repeatedly sexually abused. It was pretty much every day and it was usually more then once. sometimes if i was lucky i might get a day away from it every now and then. At the time i didnt tell anyone. i didnt tell my family or anyone. After about maybe 6 or so months, i built up the courage to talk to a friend. i left out details but i explained to her just the bare basics of what was happening. She didnt really know what to do or what to say. I cant say i blame her- we were 13! i wouldnt have known either if the situation were reversed.
Anywho- i just kind of kept it to myself and tried to ignore that there was a problem.
Now i'm not really sure why this is happening, but for some reason lately, for probably the last 4-5 months, this has really been bothering me so much to the point where it has lead me to depression point. i will go days without eating, i have been very suicidal and i have begun self harming again. I dont really know if it is because im scared to move on now that i am living in college and am with so many different boys all the time. I havent been in a relationship because of it and am scared to enter into one in case it happens again.
i have also been having these dreams for probably the last 6 weeks or so now (i am a pretty strong believer in dreams sending messages) about him, and about him finding me (i am living at uni 7 hours away from home) and just repeating it all over again. And my biggest fear at the moment is that this is going to happen as it would be pretty easy for him to be able to find out where i am staying with facebook etc even though i have him blocked on facebook but he could still use a friends or something.
i just dont know if i am ever going to be able to move on because i have major trust issues now and it really worries me.
Thanks for reading guys!
Re: I need help moving foward
ok breaking it up as always
your having a really rough time sexual abuse is very serious have you looked into casa before they are a sexual harrassment help service http://www.casa.org.au thats there website and they have a life line style help line on 1800 737 732 which i believe is free or at least cheap and they will give you someone to chat to and hopefully set up some councoulling.
and just give yourself a project.
Re: I need help moving forward
I am really sorry to hear about what happened to you when you were younger, and the completely understandable problems you are having as a result of it now. It sounds like the pain and anxiety that you repressed for so long is resurfacing now and you ready to confront it and move on with your life.
A good place to start on this journey would be to contact 1800 Respect (http://www.1800respect.org.au ), a national sexual assault counseling service that will be able to talk to you and help you set out a help plan for dealing with the horrible trauma you have been through. Seeing a counselor or psychologist specialising in sexual abuse treatment is probably a very good idea - but 1800Respect will be able to help you find the right therapist for you.
Seeing a therapist should also help you deal with and address the self-harm problem you are experiencing at the moment. But in the short-term, have a look at this fact sheet ( http://au.reachout.com/Tough-Times/Physical-health/Self-harm ) as it has some great advice on distraction techniques and alternative forms of stress relief that you can turn to to help you get avoid the urge the self-harm.
You say that you are not sure that you will be able to move on, but the fact that you came on here and asked for advice tells me that you are not going to let this guy ruin your life. There are so many people and services out there ready to help you deal with this - it might feel like it sometimes, but you really aren't alone.
Re: I need help moving forward
It's not something that anyone should have to go through. Coming on here and talking about it is your first step into changing the impact it has made on your life. Try out the suggestions BennyW has listed.
This is something that has obviously stayed with you and is impacting the way you're reacting to new situations that arise (which is completely fair!!), but through talking to someone and working through it, by applying strategies to undertand the reactions your having and being able to move foward, will really improve your headspace. I hope you can find the confidence to go out and talk to a health professional that can work with you on this one on one. It's not easy, the hardest part is telling someone, you've done that...which means that only talking about it and not making it a part of who you are will take you further and further forward.
I'd really consider trying to see a counsellor or psychologist. If that doesn't suit you can always start online https://www.eheadspace.org.au/ and write it out if it's easier and build up through that.
Let us know what you decide your first step is going to be.
Re: I need help moving forward
You are so strong to have faced that for so long and to still be hear to post on the forums. Don't ever underestimate your strength for your resilience is an inspiration to me and I name you amongst my hero's, especially for the fact that you are proactive in taking control of your life even if it doesn't feel like it. Posting here shows that you are taking control.
I know 6 individuals who have faced sexual assault and each of them has been impacted terribly by it. Even though this statistic is alarming it also mean that you are not alone. From watching these people react to this situation all I can suggest is keep talking about it. Face it. Do everything you can to confront it (not all at once) because you cannot outrun this. All of the posts that the guys here have offered are excellent suggestions for finding people to help you to do this.
I would also suggest confiding in some people around you who you trust or at least building relationships with people whom you may one day trust enough to share with for social groups may help you to feel less alienated and even more secure and less threatened as more of your time will be spent around people and therefore it will be less time for you to worry about whether or not this shadow who haunts you will be there when you are alone
one final note. Try your hardest not to be ashamed of what has happened to you as this is a common sentiment between those who I know of that have had a similar ordeal. The shame is on the one who has hurt you and no one should think any less of you for being hurt in this way.
Once again you are strong. You are my hero.
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