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I need some serious and urgent advice regarding a girl! :'( (Highly complicated issue)

This is a very complicated issue, and quite a long story. But I'm determined to succeed in this so here goes...
A while back, I met this girl online. At the time I was only looking for friends, from Israel in particular. We spoke for a few days, and just kind of clicked. She told me she thought I was cute, I told her she was adorable and it went upwards from there... Eventually it got to the point where we were talking to eachother about how we want to get married, have kids, how much we loved eachother. Talking to each other was without a doubt both of ours favourite part of the day. She was going to come to Australia with her mother in December and we were going to meet eachother for the first time. After that, I was going to visit her in February. We couldn't stop thinking about eachother. Every day we would tell the other person about the dream we had where we were with them, or how we were thinking about them that day. Then one day, she messaged me, and it went downhill from there. Here are the key things she said:
"I don't think we're compatible. I care about you but this won't work. We're so different... And we both have different plans in life that I feel that if we ever were together, we wouldn't be able to give enough time to each other.
You really want to join the army, and that's great. I don't want to be the reason that you somehow lose track of your dreams. You should focus on this instead of getting involved with a girl. It is a big distraction.."
First her reason was "We are incompatible", which is strange because we had so much in common. Everything seemed perfect except for a few minor differences. She was right about having different plans in life, but little did she know my plans were changing. I no longer wanted to join the army (Not because of her) I wanted to move to Israel and live in Tel Aviv. Anyway, I told her about how my plans and dreams had changed... And she seemed to change her reason for not wanting to be with me.
See we argued, well it was a strange type of argument because we were both telling each other how much we loved eachother and such... And eventually she said "This relationship will not work because it's overwhelming". So I asked her, what are you overwhelmed by? "I'm overwhelmed by the fact that if I leave you you might do something rash like hurt yourself" which is strange because that's actually a reason not to leave. I told her this... Her argument changed... "Just a lot of personal reasons". This is where it starts getting strange...
She started telling me that she hated me, and that she wished we never met... That we should just forget about each other. I apologized to her, I was so confused, I didn't and still don't know what I did to hurt her. She didn't seem to be able to tell me, she just told me "I feel I'm not good enough for you" and "I'm just affraid there might be someone else out there for you". Eventually, as hard as it was, we both agreed to stop wanting a relationship. And she agreed to being just friends. But here's the thing... The next morning I woke up and she was saying again "I think we should just forget about eachother" and that she wanted to delete her account so that we could never talk again. She practically wrote an essay on how much she loved me, and how she'd fallen in love for the first time... How sorry she was. And I wrote back on how much I was going to miss her, and how I'd never forget about her. She did the same, she kept saying she wanted me to be happy and that as long as I followed my dreams she would follow hers. Eventually I told her I'd been crying, I begged her not to give up on me completely, I just wanted to be friends. I couldn't contemplate being without her.
Eventually she told me that she'd been admitted to hospital with a fever and that she thought she was going to die, which is why she was saying goodbye to me and that she hated me and such "I was delerious" she said. She told me again that she was so sorry and that as far as she knew she wasn't going to leave me. We both agreed not to talk again untill the weekend. I believe she tricked me into being happy so I wouldn't be upset in our last moments talking together.
I woke up and she'd deleted all forms of communication between us. I panicked. Cried. Now I am extremely depressed. I never got to say goodbye. I still don't understand why she did it. I know for a fact she didn't hate me, she really did love me.
My question is, should I fight for her? I am a big believer in the term "anything is possible". I want to go to Israel and make sure she's happy and win her back. Don't tell me "If you love her, you will let her go", I hate the term, I couldn't disagree more. If you are in love with someone you know without a doubt you love them more than anyone in the world and you believe you can make them happier than anyone else can. In 9 months I'm going to attend Tel Aviv University, she goes there now but in 8 months will be in the Israeli Defence Force undergoing her compulsory service.
I really don't want to give up. I can't move on until I at least say goodbye to her, even if that means I have to look like a creep and find her. How should I go about this? What do I do?


I'm sorry I couldn't paragraph this, I'm on a phone...


Re: I need some serious and urgent advice regarding a girl! :'( (Highly complicated issue)

First thing's first, I'm not going to say 'if you love her, let her go' I agree, it's completely stupid, I you love someone, you should hold onto them and never let go, you should run with them. Anyway... what are you doing here? Go after her! If you really love her, find her and try to get her back! Or at least say goodbye.... Stay Strong! Don't give up!

Re: I need some serious and urgent advice regarding a girl! :'( (Highly complicated issue)

Hey @Sk1l4FunZ 


It must be very difficult to be so confused about what is happening in your relationship, so I really feel for you. It seems to me that this girl is also very confused about her own feelings, as you said she is struggling to give you a direct answer about why she has broken it off with you. Have you spoken to anyone about your situation? Perhaps your parents or a close friend? These people will be able to offer you advice and support as you go through this difficult time. 


As for what steps you should take next, I believe it is up to you to determine what is the best step to take next. You mentioned that you might want to go to Israel to see her and talk to her. Have you ever been to her house before, and if not do you know where to go? If you do decide to go and see her I think it would be best for you to try and contact her beforehand so that she knows you are coming. I also advise you to stay safe, especially if you are travelling alone and are going to meet someone face-to-face for the first time who you met online. Remember, it may be very overwhelming for the both of you if you were to travel across the world and track her down without her being prepared for this. This could potentially drive a bigger wedge between you. 

If it is mutually decided in the end that you should stay together than that is fantastic, as she will be very lucky to have you. If, alternatively, you decide to break up, or if you don't decide to go to Israel to see her, you might be interested in learning about some strategies you can use to cope with a breakup. Here are a couple of tips on breaking up and how to cope with such an event. I particularly like the information about positive coping strategies.

You seem to have a very open and loving heart which is a fantastic thing to have! Because of this, I think you would be a great partner to have, as long as you remember to think through your decisions carefully to get to a solution that works for everyone involved.

Hope this helps,



Re: I need some serious and urgent advice regarding a girl! :'( (Highly complicated issue)

Thanks for giving your opinion Smiley Happy
I'm not going to give up for now

Re: I need some serious and urgent advice regarding a girl! :'( (Highly complicated issue)

Thanks for the reply Gabi Smiley Happy

I didn't think anyone would actually read all of it to be completely honest...


I am actually affraid that when/if I do find her she might think I'm a complete creep for doing so... Do you think it would be immoral to make it look like finding her was an accident and I was actually just visiting Israel? She is Jewish... She told me that before we met she asked herself "what does it feel like to be in love?" and when she left she told me she thinks "God brought us together to answer that question" and I told her that if I were religious I'd personally believe that "God brought us together so that we could be together" since everything was just so perfect... Perhaps if we bumped into one another by "accident" she would believe it must be a sign that we are meant to be together? I'm not sure if that would be taking advantage of her beliefs or just being really clever... I know it's up to me to choose whether it is immoral or not because it doesn't make a difference due to the fact that it can only affect ME... I'd really like for someone to give a second opinion on that idea though...




Re: I need some serious and urgent advice regarding a girl! :'( (Highly complicated issue)

Hey Sk1l4FunZ - I think you know the answer yourself if you're asking the question to start with, if that makes sense! You're also right that only you can make the right moral decision for you! Smiley Very Happy

heh, hmmm not sure I'm being so helpful Smiley Wink


Re: I need some serious and urgent advice regarding a girl! :'( (Highly complicated issue)

Thanks Jay-Dee Smiley Happy

I meant it more in a way that says "If you could read my mind, and I made us running into each other look like an accident, and I used the fact that you might think it meant something, would YOU find it immoral?"