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I shared my best friends secret because I wanted to help/get advice now I feel really guilty...



So my best friend told me some secrets and experiences they had in the past surrounding abuse of an inappropriate nature and I'm the only person my best friend talks to or has told about these things. I have mental health issues and I felt bad so I needed someone to talk to about the issue so I spoke to my other friends about it to get some help but I feel very guilty for telling them. I didn't mean to betray my best friend I just needed some advice/help.


My other friends don't like my best friend because they don't like some of the things she does or how she is quiet and they think she is weird and boring but she's not and the way they see her is because they don't know her as well as me and a lot of the things they don't like are a result from her past experiences so I also told them to try to defend her and to get them to be nice and understand, which they do know but I feel really guilty because at that moment I didn't realise what I was doing but now I realise I have betrayed her and I feel awful. I was just trying to help her and help my own mental health....


What should I do?


Re: I shared my best friends secret because I wanted to help/get advice now I feel really guilty...


That sounds like it was a really intense and difficult situation, being the only one that knew about such painful and heavy things that happened to your friend... It sounds like you really care about her, which is lovely. It also sounds like your goals were to understand how to support your friend while looking after yourself too, and those are really good goals to have Smiley Happy your other friends might not have been the best choice of people to confide in, as they might not know what to do either, and particularly as they don't like your friend it could put her in a uncomfortable position... but that doesn't make you a bad person, you're a caring friend who's feeling a little overwhelmed and is trying to manage that. I'm wondering, does your friend know that your other friends know?


Maybe you could try talking to Kids Helpline? They'd be probably be a good extra support for you as you're managing this, and have some good ideas on how to support your friend and respond to this situation...


Good luck, and keep looking after yourself Heart what normally helps you feel better during tough times? (because you definitely deserve to feel better)

Re: I shared my best friends secret because I wanted to help/get advice now I feel really guilty...

Hey @Charlie-29-1999, this sounds like a really tough situation! It sounds like what your friend told you really affected you, and it sounds like you really want the best for them.


Do you have any professional supports you can connect with, such as a counsellor or psychologist? It sounds like this is the kind of thing that they could help you come to terms with, as well as cope with your feelings about what’s happened to your friend, and how to support them.


You sound like a really supportive person and a great friend. I think it’s really important that your friend has someone to talk to about what’s happened, and while it’s great that they’re talking to you, I think it might be a good idea to encourage them to seek professional help, if they are not doing so already. The fact that they are willing to trust you shows how much you mean to them, and so you should feel quite validated by that. One thing that I’ve found is that we’re not always going to get things right all the time, and we make mistakes. I think that your friend will understand in time - it sounds like the two of you have a great friendship. Have you had a chance to speak to your friend about this yet?


I hope that things improve for you - please try not to feel too disheartened by this. Stay strong, and we’re always here for you. ❤️

Re: I shared my best friends secret because I wanted to help/get advice now I feel really guilty...

Hi @Charlie-29-1999, I think what @mrmusic said is true and your friend really cares about you and values you to trust you and share with you such details of her life.

And I can tell you are very empathetic, smart and thoughtful as you are able to understand she may be the way she has been because of past experiences and the fact you are there for her and supporting must mean so much to her.

Try not to feel too guilty as I can see that what you did was what you thought was right and in the best interest for her, trying to get her more support and surround her with more friends. And something very important to think of at times like this is your own mental health too! It can be hard and feel overwhelming at times when we don't know how to help a friend so bottling everything in could have hurt you and you wanting advice about what to do shows you were trying to help her in the best way you could!


I remember the first time I told my bestfriend about similar issues in my past and she told someone, behind the hurt I realised I wasn't really upset with her, but I think most of it was that I was embarrassed for other people to know about such details of my life as I had been very quiet about it and kept to myself before that, I was afraid people may see me differently.

But when I talked to my friend and I realised it was heavy stuff and she needed someone to talk to for her own health too and she was only trying to do what she thought was best for me, I understood and was glad she did as I cared for her too and wanted her to be mentally well too. It helped for her to reassure me she didn't she see me differently nor did who she told, in fact they ended up helping me a lot through the process and today I am so glad she told them because I realised how much easier it is having people know.


Do you think you could have a talk with you bestfriend and explain how you felt and that you were only trying to do what you thought was best for her? And that you're sorry if it was the wrong thing to do and if it hurt her and maybe next time you will check with her if its okay first or what she would prefer? Your friendship sounds so strong I'm confident you will work it out! <3

Re: I shared my best friends secret because I wanted to help/get advice now I feel really guilty...

@Charlie-29-1999 how're you feeling about all this now? The others have written some awesome responses and so I don't really have anything to add Smiley Tongue Heart
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish