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Re: I think I deserve to be depressed

@safari93 I guess I tend to be more productive, and I do more things. It's easy to keep myself occupied, I also have a lot more motivation and energy. I struggle with motivation and fatigue when I'm depressed. I'm trying to force myself to do some things, like using coping strategies, getting out of bed and trying to distract myself but I'm still wasting a lot of time.

@tsnyder I do plan to join an un-intensive short course soon. I came up with a list of things I could do with the psychologist, it's something I'll have to ease myself into.

@Troy I'm trying use relaxation strategies more because I do get tensed up. Depression feels really bad. I get suicidal a lot. I can't stop self-harming.


@OceanMaster1207 I'm not intensely suicidal like I was when I first posted. Intensity does increase and decrease though. I guess I find it really hard to talk to people. I don't feel like talking to my parents about everything. I have this friend, whom I tell a lot of things to, she doesn't live close by either. I do talk to her about it. I still feel alone though.

Re: I think I deserve to be depressed

@Creativegirl12 it's great that you have started working on coping strategies and working with your psych. It might seem unproductive and time-wasting at first, but coping strategies can be like skills in that it takes some time to get into the rhythm of practicing them often. 

Let us know how it works out though - besides, if you are struggling with them you're always welcome to talk about it here Smiley Happy

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Re: I think I deserve to be depressed

Thanks for your response@Creativegirl12, was nice to hear back from you.

 

Has there been a time when you have not self-harmed? It can be helpful for us to remember, these times.

 

When we get stressed, there can often be a tendency to think in an 'all or nothing'  style. So we forget the times that we didnt do something, and feel like we 'always' do this, or can't do that, etc.

 

The next time you get one of these urges, just starting with the next time, is there a different reponse you could take. For example, if I got the urge, I could do 10 pushups instead. Just some little activity to take out mind in a different direction, and break the cycle. It can be really tough to break a cycle. Can you think of any activities your could do? Another idea could be to practise focusing on your breath (mindful breathing) for 10 breaths.

 

Hope I have been helpful for you Smiley Happy

Re: I think I deserve to be depressed

@safari it's not that I feel coping strategies are a waste of time. But I don't really do much nowadays, so I feel like I'm wasting my time that way. I sit around and feel miserable. I'm struggling to fill in my day more because I feel tired and unmotivated. I know if I stay in this loop it's not going to help me.

@Troy I guess I need to try wean off. I'm using my other coping strategies but I still feel the urge to self-harm. I don't know if it's going to take a while, but I feel hopeless to stop. I used to self harm less when I wasn't so low.

Thanks for the responses. I feel like I'm being difficult and lazy, sorry. I can't escape from this monster inside me. I'll be lucky to make it through today.

Re: I think I deserve to be depressed

Hey @Creativegirl12 - it worries me that you say you'll be lucky to make it through the day. Are you safe at the moment?

Re: I think I deserve to be depressed

@ElleBelle I made it through yesterday, I called lifeline yesterday. Ive made it so far today too. I've been finding it really hard to cope in general. I'm trying to use my coping strategies, they help but I still feel really low Smiley Sad. It still feels unbearable. 

Re: I think I deserve to be depressed

@Creativegirl12 What's been feeling unbearable for you tonight? I saw your post in 'Turning Negatives to Positives' and it looked like you had a good day today. You've said that sometimes, coping strategies are a waste of time. Despite these setbacks, it doesn't mean that your progress to better personal well-being is cancelled out. You're here and working towards it, and that's what counts. 

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Stay excellent

Re: I think I deserve to be depressed

@Myvo it was more bearable during the day. I wasn't thinking as much. I was thinking about things and all, but I don't think as intensely as now. I've had suicidal thoughts throughout today, it's a normal occurrence. But now I feel ugh. I'm thinking about the reasons why I hate myself, how I feel useless, trapped and alone.

Re: I think I deserve to be depressed

Does writing the feelings out help @Creativegirl12? You can draw up a table, the things you hate about yourself, and on the other side, the things you love about yourself. Look at something you hate, and then see something you love. You feel useless, but you are a great support to people on the forum. And we are here for you, always. Smiley Happy
Did a night's rest help with the thoughts?
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Guess what day it was!!! It was Wear It Purple Day!! Come on over and learn all about what it is and what you can still do!

Re: I think I deserve to be depressed

@Creativegirl12 it seems like you have a pretty good grasp on your day-to-day feelings and behaviours, and you are also aware of the need to try and work away from being unproductive as a result of your lack of motivation. That's really excellent to see! You are also trying out your self-care strategies, which is also great. Like @Myvo said, your current state doesn't have to speak for your entire progress. You are already showing a lot of personal insight and understanding of what could help you.

I wanted to touch on your feelings of tiredness - do your self-care strategies affect your tiredness? And if they do, in what ways and how much? You could assess how your strategies affect your wellbeing and maybe use that to decide which would be most useful depending on how tired/motivated you feel