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I think I need help...

I was doing so well. I was happy, smiling, I was myself again. I thought my depression had gone. This happiness lasted about a year and it just crumbled this year and it's getting worse. I don't know what happened, it wasn't one specific thing that triggered it - I'm just constantly unhappy. I spend most of my days curled up in a ball in bed, asking my best friend what to do but I can't put that pressure on him, he has problems of his own. I mean, he's happy to help, but I don't think he knows how, and I don't blame him, I wouldn't know how to fix me. That's why I came here, in hope of answers. I'm crying while writing this, my brain isn't right. It's really messed up. I hate going to school. I used to love school but as soon as I walk in the gates I'm surrounded by people and I just want to get out of there. Also, I hate my body. I hate everything about the way I look - I've put on so much weight in the last 6 months it's outrageous. I can't exercise though, that involves going out... in public.. And that's one of the main things I absoultely hate doing. I've been here on the forums before and everybody is so nice and caring, I just need someone to look after me, I'm lost. I'm dying inside.

Re: I think I need help...

hey pikapika, love the name btw

 

first may i just say, talk about da ja vu. I was/am going through pretty much the same thing not too long ago. And if it is anything like when this happened to me, coming on RO again was a really good idea. It may sound weird but just talking to new people in itself was a big part of my road to recovery, and you don’t have to stop here, go on chat forums online and get to know the regulars there, slowly but surly, it helps. Get to know a few people at first, then once your settled in somewhere, it will be everyone else's turn to get to know you, and while you're doing this, you may just find some people that are going through the same thing as you and you can learn what they did to help themselves

Another thing, the whole ''I don’t wanna go outside'' thing, as much as it sucks, actually doing things will help a lot, wether its going for a walk around the block once a day or joining a local sporting team, its worth a shot.

 

One thing to keep in mind is that depression wont always 'go away' but rather be buried down temporarily, there is always that chance of it coming back, but every time it does, you get better at getting better.

 

And if this hasn’t really helped, I also found the factsheets here where also quite helpful.

And don’t forget, that there are helplines available at all times there to help as much as they can such as:

Kids help line at - 1800 55 1800

And lifeline at -  13 11 14

 

Keep us up to date how things go and good luck =)

 

-Transparent_fox

Re: I think I need help...

Thanks for taking your time to read and reply, hope others can too

Re: I think I need help...

Like I said, this happened to me not too long ago, I know how it feels, so I try to help

I just hope what I said was useful

Re: I think I need help...

Hi -pikapika-,

 

Great job taking the step to post this here so you can get some support. I think it's a really brave step.

 

I'm hearing a bit of a message about not feeling comfortable in your own skin and needing to fix yourself. Firstly, I wanted to throw in something which might be a bit controversial. Maybe you don't need fixing? Some light tinkering maybe, but essentially you're still you, you're still a great person with a wonderful mind and personality, but sometimes depression and mental illnesses in general make us forget who we are.

 

I can relate to some of what you're going thought, when I'm at my worst I'm crying a lot, I start loosing interest in things (like school) and I feel awful about my general appearance. See I have huge body image issues and those get in the way of me being able to see myself as I really am, which is an intelligent person with a friendly disposition and positive nature. But when all I'm thinking about is how awful I look in my clothes, or how much I weigh or what I should be eating I'm too focused on the negatives to see the positives.

 

Something that's worked for me is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy with a psychologist. It's helped me to identify these negative thoughts and then chuck them out in favour of something more positive. For example, my negative thought might be 'I'm really ugly today', I identify that it's a falsehood and I say to myself, 'Actually maybe this isn't my best day but check out how bright your eye colour is!'. It can be really difficult identifying those negative thoughts, but when you can boy does is make you feel good!

 

I really encourage you to seek out some help. A great place to start is with your GP who can talk about the options with you. You don't need to feel the way you do and noone deserves to feel awful about the way they look, but it's really hard to pull yourself out of it without getting help from someone else. I sought help after suffering for a few years and it was the best thing I could have done!

 

Let us know how you go with getting some support!

 

Here are some fact sheets you might find interesting:

http://au.reachout.com/Wellbeing/Personal-Identity/Body-image

http://au.reachout.com/All-about-psychological-treatments

http://au.reachout.com/Therapy

 

 

 

 

Re: I think I need help...

thank you (: well when I finally opened up to my mum, a little while ago (I've never really had that close connection with her like a lot of others do) she contacted some psychologists around the area we live. I used to talk to the one at my school but she wasn't that good. I need to learn more about my own mind I think, maybe a diagnosis would be necessary, there are some things going on up there that shouldn't be ignored. Appreciate you trying to help. x
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Re: I think I need help...

You may or may not need or get a diagnosis, but it's a really positive step to be sharing how you're feeling with a health professional because regardless of the diagnosis factor they'll be able to help you out.

 

I'm glad to hear that you've been opening up to your Mum, that is a great relationship to foster and it sounds like she was very open to hearing what you had to say and finding help. She sounds like a great support person you'll be able to rely on when times get tough.

 

One thing I regret is not having formed a better relationship with my parents when I was younger. Because of that I find it a lot harder to open up to them about what's happening with my health. Sometimes I wish that if I had've opened up earlier instead of hiding my feelings I'd be more able to speak to them now. So I hope you have the opportunities to get close with your mum!

 

I love this line "there are some things going on up there that shouldn't be ignored"! What a proactive step in the right direction. You should be so proud that you've been able to acknowledge this! Sometimes people take awhile to come to this realisation, I know I did. So yay you!

 

Let the community know when you've been able to connect to a psychologist in your area who can assist you to learn more about your mind.

Re: I think I need help...

Hey Pika, you took a huge step talking to your mum and looking into seeing a psychologist. Seriously, that took a lot of courage even if you don't feel it lead to anything helpful. Have you tried a Headspace Centre?

Re: I think I need help...

No I haven't ElleBelle, would you recommend I look into it? And yes, it was a really big thing to tell my mum, well she practically forced it out of me - lets just say she's very persuasive..

Re: I think I need help...

Hi Pikapika!
I just wanted to second everything Alma said about understanding what you said about feeling bad about yourself and your body, and how CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) can really help to start overcoming those thoughts and getting them out of your head. Like a lot of people (I think!) I have no trouble telling my friends that they are wonderful and gorgeous, but I can have a real hard time seeing it myself. But learning a few tricks to catch myself when I put myself down did help. Now it's easier for me to say "No, not letting those bad feelings stop me from going out and having a life and having fun". And being able to get out and do things actually helps to banish bad thoughts - so they both help each other!

Good luck in your journey, and I hope the support and tips you get from Reach Out help! <3

 

blithe