Im So Tired Of Fighting
Im sick of pretending that there is anything out there for me.
Im so sick of pretending things are ok.
People just dont give a fuck in world that doesnt give a fuck
About anything or anyone.
I was deluded in thinking i was somehow special or worth anything in this world.
I tried so hard to fight these feelings and for so long.
I was born in a community of losers drug addicts and alcoholics and i was stupid for thinking i was above that.
I'm so tired.
So so tired of fighting things and trying to better myself.
I think...maybe it might be time just to give up.
I dont have any belief or strength left in me.
I just...want to block everything out and let the world pass me..
I just dont care anymore.
I want to sleep.
Re: Im So Tired Of Fighting
Hey @AStudyInHuman it sounds like you're going through a super tough time
You mentioned you feel like you're sick of pretending everything is okay, do you feel like you've been keeping up a front for a while? I think you are special and worth something - I don't even have to know you to know that, I can tell you're an insightful human being just by the way you have identified the environment you were born into and the fact that you had a goal to rise above it.
Did you want to chat about what's been going on in the forums and see if the guys on RO can help you with a bit of support?
If you need to be linked in with some great services there's Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 as well as a range of others if you did feel like talking to a free professional counsellor tonight
Look forward to hearing from you.
Re: Im So Tired Of Fighting
Actually people do care even in a world that does not care. In poorer countries where there is not enough food, parents would lie to their children about having already eaten just so they would have a sustainable meal. People have been known to shelter wanted suspects and help wounded thiefs even if it meant that it would cause them to become involved as well. Look at all the charity events and organisations, even blood donors, and you will see that kindness still exists in this world.
You are not stupid for thinking you are above where you are born. In history, women can marry up and not all leaders had arisen from the best circumstances. You can change your fate if you are willing to fight for it. People have been known to fight a predisposition to crime or to genetic diseases just by changing their habits and lifestyle. So do not give up because one day you might look back and regret what you could have been had you tried.
Strength comes in the hardest time. You do not know what you are made of until you are in a situation where hope seems futile. You do not have to believe in God, believe in fate or anything just as long as you believe in yourself. Who else can believe in you if you do not believe in yourself? Who else can tell you that your life is worth living, or that things can change for the better if it is meaningless when you do not believe it yourself? How can you be loved if you do not love?
Swim against the current, do not drown. Care because life is empty without thoughts and feelings. You can do it, you just have to have faith you can. If all those scientists did not have faith in the rational intelligibility of the universe, then science would have never happened. Great things can be achieved from what starts off as blind faith.
Good luck. Do not give up on yourself, because i believe you can rise above it all.
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