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Im not coping - Help Yr 12 Stress, anxiety, OCD

Im in year 12 now and Im a mess my overall grades so far have been pretty good A-,A-, A, B+, A 

but im starting to lose it my life is a wreck


I have way to much to do Im doing 4 hours study/homework every night + In class work and have 2 tests and 2 assignments all due on the same day I have 2 things due everyday for the next week im so stressed I cant cope I just want it to stop I kind of want to die but im scared of dying. I also have many chronic health conditions and have to decide if I want surgery but the risks arnt good and I have anxiety (about everything) and OCD specifically around dying and my health so I cant decide but im scared if I dont have the surgery it will hurt me. I only need an ATAR of 69 I can do that will all B- but i want above 90 why the do i care so much im losing my mind. I lost it tonight and have spent the last 3 hours sobbing because Im struggling with my english assignment. Im so stressed all the time that iv also scared that thats going to damage my health. If I cant cope with yr 12 how am I going to cope with 8-12 years of uni I dont even know what the point of living is anymore. Also have a stressful home life as my family fight all the time and my step dad hates me and is very mean. Im also stressed about money because i dont have a job and all my family goes on about is how we dont' have enough money. 


None of this probably makes any sense


Sorry about the whining I know people have it much worse I just feel overwhelmed 

Re: Im not coping - Help Yr 12 Stress, anxiety, OCD

@Alec29 You are making perfect sense. That sounds sooo very stressful and tonight you just hit a wall right? I can see that you have all of these balls that you're juggling and it's like if you drop one you might feel like you will drop the whole lot. Let tonight be a bit of a write-off because your safety and sanity take priority. If you are feeling unsafe or just need to vent/chat please contact a support line for example Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800. If it's urgent, of course call 000. It sounds like you have it under control for now but you're unsure of your future. 


Being a bit of a veteran at study I can assure you it gets better. I've done uni and by far I reckon year 12 was the worst. It basically teaches you how to study and how to think. Again, you're already doing well. 


Have a browse through the study resources if that helps - here. 


You're already kicking goals BUT if this helps......Do one thing at a time (start with most pressing and easiest thing first). It's like if I told you to eat a cake all at once would be overwhelmed. If you could slice the cake up into pieces you can easily eat, it would be easier. 


Let us know how you're going ok? I'm signing off soon but please keep us informed.

Re: Im not coping - Help Yr 12 Stress, anxiety, OCD

@Alec29 with so much stuff to deal with I don't blame you for struggling at the moment Smiley Sad 


I graduated high school in 2014 and while I know all of this seems like the biggest deal EVER right now, I can also promise that life gets SO much better after year 12. Also despite what your teachers may tell you, success at high school doesn't always predict success at uni. I ended up with an ATAR of... I think 79? (nobody cares about your ATAR once you leave school so I've basically forgotten it) and am doing awesomely at uni, while a few of my friends who got ATARs of 90+ have completely failed subjects. Maybe just start with taking a deep breath, and remembering that you've only lived a tiny fraction of your life so far - the best years of your life are yet to come.


Have you had a chat to your school counsellor about all of this? Or Kids Helpline, as @TOM-RO suggested? I know KHL were amazing at helping me get through high school. They can also refer you onto other services if finances are tough at the moment.

No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: Im not coping - Help Yr 12 Stress, anxiety, OCD

@TOM-RO Hi thanks for the reply sorry I haven't replied until now my laptop actually broke and is have repairs done which is probably one of the worst things to happen regarding my stress levels so I have 10+ assignments all due in the same week that haven't been done and I have tests so just my luck. My health anxiety is also causing me quite a bit of trouble at the moment


@lokifish Ironically my psychology and many of my other teachers keep telling me I need to calm down and than my self doubt is unfounded and Im doing great and that my ATAR isn't going to matter in the end, I know this but I still feel the need to get the best score possible and beat everyone else. 


I have spoken to the councillor about my stress and anxiety in the past but not specifically about this issue im having at the moment as I haven't been able to get into see her as she's busy. I haven't used KHL before as I find it difficult to speak to people over the phone or text messages (I don't like the waiting and the suspense it makes me feel anxious, awkward and uncomfortable) 

Re: Im not coping - Help Yr 12 Stress, anxiety, OCD

@Alec29, you sound like you have a lot on your plate and that it's really stressing you out. It makes sense you feel overwhelmed because you are dealing with a lot and you feel like you have to do it alone.


I'm glad you are speaking to a councillor; if you feel comfortable doing so I would encourage you to keep speaking to that councillor and bring up the issues you're facing. In addition, you aren't alone because we are here for you too!


I'm going to address your worries about school first because I think that is where I can provide the most assurance. @lokifish is right; your scores for year 12 do not predict your success/doom for future life and uni so even if you don't do that well you can still be really happy and successful. I know people who have failed courses at uni or just completely dropped out for years and are still happy.


However, I suspect that even with these reassurances you might not feel better. And I think it is because you place your own sense of self-worth in your grades. Please let me know if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that you have these very very high expectations for yourself (e.g. wanting above 90). When you reach these expectations, you feel great about yourself and you feel very happy! But when you do not reach these expectations (or feel like you can't), you feel terrible. You feel like you shouldn't go on anymore, that there is nothing good about you. For you, having good grade = you are a good person, and bad grades vice versa. 


I'm not sure if you know this or not but when you feel like that, those feelings are not true. Regardless of whatever grades you get you can become happy with yourself and with life. Even if you get a bad grade, you deserve to take a break and relax, to shrug it off and say 'oh well, who cares!'. Because in the end there are so many wonderful things about you that do not have anything to do with grades. Are there any friends you enjoy spending time? Any hobbies? 


In terms of your family, that definitely sounds stressful. If you're interested, there will be a GR talk this Monday specifically about family and mental health. I'm actually hosting it so if you want that's definitely a place where you can talk about your situation and get help and support. 

Re: Im not coping - Help Yr 12 Stress, anxiety, OCD

@Alec29 yeah "stop worrying" is generally terrible advice - most people know worrying isn't good for them! Sorry if my post came across that way. I can also definitely relate to feeling really awkward on the phone. I know that KHL do have an email counselling service but it can often take a while to get a reply. It still could be something to try though if it'd help with the anxiety? Another option, if your school counsellor is pretty busy, is to chat to your GP.


Also hope you've gone okay with the workload this week - 10 assignments is insane!!

No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish