Im not sure If I can finish University (Because of Family)
Lately I've bee struggling with University, it's not the work-load I can handle the work.
But lately my families issues have been too much.
My mom especially has been a bit much, demanding too much contact while im trying to work or focus on my studies, or just develop myself as a person. I get that as parents kids get older, they become some what less attached to their parents in the way that they were when they were kids. You no longer hold the same relationship. However It doesn't mean you like your parents any less it's just a different way of navigating when you hit a certain age.
I'm about 20 years old, I'm nearing the end of my Uni degree.
To be honest I feel like in some ways my family has smothered me, they've stopped me developing things outside of their reach.
Like say a job, or a focus on activities that doesn't involve them.
I mean even Uni they consider should be second to them.
I really don't know how to say it Kindly but I want them to let go of me a bit, I will never grow if they keep holding onto me tightly whenever I want a singular slither of independence.
Maybe I don't want to contact people 24/7 maybe Im purposely choosing not to be contactable.
I am a very not clingy person, like it takes me a while to warm up to people. I don't like overly goopy affectionate stuff. So having someone act so strangely over the top around me makes me uncomfortable. (In general)
I feel like I can't put my family first and put what I want (completing uni) first as well. It's either one or the other and frankly I feel like it's ridiculous that they seem to be making me choose.
I don't want to be with my parents at 30 years old with no friends, no job, no goals.
That is my worst nightmare.
Any advice on how to tell them to back off a little?
I'm an adult not a child.
I'm just trying to grow into my own human being and I can't do that If they keep trying to theoretically shove me back into the clothes I had when I was 5.
I'm changing and I want them to accept that and support me, but allow me to start making the choices for myself.
Re: Im not sure If I can finish University (Because of Family)
That sounds pretty frustrating and disheartening.
Good on you for getting so close to the end of your degree though It sounds like you've got a passion for it and are a really capable student, and that makes me pretty confident that you'll be able to complete it. (I hope that comes across as encouraging rather than dismissive- I'm trying to say I believe in you).
It definitely does sound like quite a challenge balancing your family's expectations of you with your other commitments like study It sounds pretty unfair that you're feeling like you're being stretched out and asked to choose between them. Do you think it would be helpful trying to have a conversation with them about how your degree is important to you, and the sort of time commitments it's requiring of you at the moment to succeed? Here's an article that might help with having a conversation like that if you wanted to... https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-have-difficult-conversations
Or you could try a more casual approach like getting a message out somehow (text? in person? family facebook group? note on the fridge? however your family works) saying you'll be pretty busy with assignments or exam study or whatever, but tell them when you'll be able to spend time with them? That might help them feel more in the loop and know you still care about spending some time with them, which might encourage them to loosen their grip a bit.
Good luck, this is your life and you get to choose what your priorities are. I hope your family starts seeing and supporting that more... let us know what you decide to do and how things go
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