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In A Really Bad Place

Uh hi,

In the past few weeks things haven't been good for me.  My Mum yells at me for having a messy room and not going outside but it isn't due to laziness - it's something much worse.

 

I'm 17 and going into grade 12 in under a month.  I've been on school holidays for around 5 weeks and my schoolmates always make plans with each other and if I ask to join they always hesitate then say no.  I try to get out with friends but always get shut down.

 

My family goes on about me needing to go outside and get a life but it hurts a lot.  Many people have labelled me a bad person and a waste of time.  All I do is stay indoors and wake up at 1am each night crying.

 

I want to tell my mum but she'll only get angrier at me... I've self harmed in the past few days and due to my already diagnosed depression getting worse I've been getting suicidal thoughts.  Please someone give me advice; I don't want to live anymore and I'm scaring myself with my thoughts.

 

How do I get help or tell my family what is going on?

Re: In A Really Bad Place

Hi @Squeeze, welcome to the forums. I'm so glad you've taken the step to share  with us what's been going on for you - I know it can be really hard to talk about these things. 

 

Things sound like they've been super tough for you - I can hear through your post how resilient you are for continuing to try, and for looking for ways to get help. Heart

It can be scary to tell a parent about how hard things have been, but it is a really important step in getting the help you need. You could try writing down what you want to say to your mum before having the conversation if that helps? You might be surprised by her response if you are honest and say that you're worried she will be angry, but that you need help. 


Have you told anyone else that you have self-harmed, or that you're having suicidal thoughts?

It's important that you do get support - if the thoughts of suicide pop up again, you can call KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800 , or SCBS on 1300 659 467, for immediate professional support. Keeping yourself safe is always the priority.

 

You mentioned you've been diagnosed with depression - are you getting any ongoing support? Do you have contact with a GP, or a psychologist? 

 

 

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Re: In A Really Bad Place

Thanks so much for replying - so I do have a gp who I see a lot but unfortunately he is a close family friend who I don't feel comfortable talking to.  There is a female gp located next to my school who i could talk to but I'd have to wait till school starts again to see her.  Thank you for the writing advice, I'll do it when the time feels right and my mother is in a good mood. Smiley Happy

Re: In A Really Bad Place

Hey Squeeze,

 

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time, but it's great that you've taken a step forward to talk to us about it. Let us know how you go talking to your mum. 

 

How are you feeling now?

I noticed you sent that message in the early morning, are you not sleeping very well?

Re: In A Really Bad Place

Unfortunately I haven't been sleeping well (from 8pm till 11pm then again from 6am till 11am) I don't know if it's related

Re: In A Really Bad Place

@Squeeze Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us Heart

I'm sorry to hear about your friends, that sounds pretty tough to go through all while you're not feeling so great.
You mentioned that you have a GP but aren't comfortable with them. Would you be able to express that to your parents? I know for me when I switched GPs to one I liked and was comfortable with, I was able to be more open with them.

I'm glad to hear that you are going to try and talk to your mum when she is in a good mood and things feel right. Heart I hope this goes well for you! Smiley Happy

 


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