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In need of relationship advice

Me and my ex boyfriend broke up because he had some past family issues which caused him to fear being in love with me. From then on since that break up we went through a fair bit together, we went through things that mostly left me devasted and him confused. I ended up severely depressed for a few months. However after speaking to family I got better and so did the relationship between me and my ex. A few months ago me and my ex started meeting up and getting intimate with each other, our relationship grew stronger than when it was when we were together. However we are still not officially a couple again. We've talked about getting back together a few times but it never really worked out because we decided that we didn't want the fact that we are so young to ruin out relationship. That is one of my reasons to not get back together with him but I also have another reason. After everything I went through I want to be able to trust him to not leave me again, I know neither of us can guaruntee anything but he left me so soon last time and didn't give me a reason why he left me for months. I'm petrified that that will happen again. We love each other so so much and I want to be back with him but everytime he asks about getting back together I feel sick with fear that if I say yes then he'll leave me just like last time. We want to be together but we don't want to lose each other, what do we do?

Re: In need of relationship advice

Hi @theOsiePosie2 

 

Welcome to RO.com

 

I also don't like losing people in my life. What I try to do is come to a compromise with the other person. Basically it's like an agreement of what we could and couldn't do. For e.g. if one of us decided to go AWOL, we would have to give the other person a headsup first before disappearing off the radar. When we come back together, I guess it comes down to trusting each other to eventually open up about what just happened. If the other the person or I is not ready to open up, then it comes down to respecting each other's space and allowing time for us to go through things in their head.

 

So for your situation. Could you sit down with your ex and go through some of the boundaries you guys will respect when you guys stay as friends? I think it is important that you let your ex know you were really worried about him when he disappeared for months. It shows that you cared about him. I thinking talking with him about these worries is the key.

 

See how you go.

 

Doris

Re: In need of relationship advice

Hey there @theOsiePosie2 

 

I really like @Doris's advice there. It's really all about open and honest communication. No secrets. If something bothers you, you talk about it together straight away. For us it's been the foundation of our trust.

 

I'm terrified of my girlfriend breaking up with me, and she's admitted that she's worried I'll leave her; we both have our independent reasons for it and we both realise it's more to do with our own personal insecurities and self-esteem than a question of how strongly we feel about one another —— but we only came to that realisation once we'd talked about it.

 

Talk to them about it; let us know how you go. Smiley Happy

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Re: In need of relationship advice

Hi @theOsiePosie2 

 

I just wanted to wish you the best of luck in working all of this out. Relationships are testing at times especially when there are grey areas and boundaries crossed. Hopefully you can come to an agreement where you are both happy.

 

All the best Smiley Happy

Re: In need of relationship advice

cheers for coming in relationship agin. And all the best for your future, hope lyour love story have a good fortune.

Re: In need of relationship advice

That is very true, thank you for your advice. I

Re: In need of relationship advice

Sorry if i have replied twice, my computer crashed. Thank you for your advice, me and my ex have since talked and we both feel the same way. He told me he'd be devastated even if he were the one to leave me. In the last month the fear of losing each other has dimmed a little and we have now gone public with our relationship. We have also recently discussed scenarios of what would the other do if one of us left and we have found we would both feel the same way which I think is a possitive sign. So again thank you for encouraging me to talk to him about this xx

Re: In need of relationship advice

Hi there @theOsiePosie2 — thanks for letting us know how it went. So glad to hear things are looking positive.

If you see another thread that relates, don't be afraid to share your experiences and advice with others. Smiley Happy

Re: In need of relationship advice

All the best.....