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In shock with no words

So...

one of my closest friends who I trusted more than anyone else killed himself last night... no one saw it coming. He was always the one to make me laugh when no one else couldn’t, he was always the life of the party everyone loved him. He didn’t ever show any sort of sadness or suicidal intentions. I’ve gone into shock. It happened at 6pm last night. His mum called me at 1130 last night. All she said was “honey, (name) is gone” and I said “oh my gosh what happened what the hell?!” So I immediately got into my car and drove over to his house and she told me what she had found and I got to say goodbye to him even though he was no longer breathing or functioning. I drove home and told my mum and we cried together while my sister slept. I didn’t go to school today, I’m a mess, he was my best friend since we were 5 years old... that’s 12 years of friendship and memories... we were going to go to Japan together after graduation we had so much planned for this year and next year after we had finished school. I have no words. I’m angry he didn’t even leave a note or anything... it was so sudden. I can’t believe he’s gone. Idk what to think or feel.

Re: In shock with no words

Hey @Mrstweety5482, thank you for being so brave to share this with us all. I am very sorry to hear about your loss - it sounds like you were really great friends. You mentioned being friends for 12 years - it sounds like you have known him most of your life. It would be absolutely heart breaking to lose such a special person in your life Smiley Sad This can bring up a whole lot of emotions and there is no wrong or right way to feel. There is no particular process to grief as we all think, feel and behave differently. You mentioned feeling shocked and angry which are quite normal reactions to losing someone we love. We actually have an article here about dealing with the suicide of a loved one, it might be helpful for you to read through. That article has services for support but we also have some here too, if you feel like you need some extra support Heart Take as long as you need to work through all of this - it is an incredibly painful and difficult process. What do you think will help you grieve through this? This might be able to help us help you throughout this! Your mum also sounds very supportive.. is it helpful to talk to her about this or any mutual friends you have? We are here for you. 

Re: In shock with no words

Hey @Taylor-RO  thanks for providing me with those articles. I have no idea how I’m going to grieve through this as I have never lost someone close to me. I can’t believe he never reached out to anyone it makes me so sad and angry and annoyed at him but I already miss him dreadfully. Ugh 😑

Re: In shock with no words

 

Massive hugs from over here, Mrstweety Smiley Sad

 

Is their a tribute you could make to your friend?

Re: In shock with no words

@Mrstweety5482 I'm so, so sorry. I can't imagine what loosing someone like that must feel like..

He sounds like he was an amazing friend.

I don't have the knowledge or experience to know the best way I can help, but if you just need to talk I'll be around.

If you need to speak to a councilor, the Suicide Callback Service might be able to help. https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ They also have lots of resources.

This website http://www.supportaftersuicide.org.au/ has a lot of resources, including a list of places where you can get help.

Please try to take care of yourself, and give yourself the time to need to process this. It's okay if you don't really know what you feel yet.

Re: In shock with no words

Hey @Mrstweety5482...
I am so so very sorry. I've never lost anybody to suicide, but I can definitely relate to the heart break you're feeling right now. I can't explain what it's like. Like everyone already has said so far, we can help you through this. I know I can feel really numb when my heart gets broken, and it's different for others too.

I'm here if you need to talk, okay? Sending lots of hugs!

//Nothing is impossible. The word itself says "I'm Possible"//

Re: In shock with no words

Wow, @Mrstweety5482 I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. That is so, so awful Smiley Sad

Please know that we're all here to support you however we can.

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: In shock with no words

@Mrstweety5482  I'm so heartbroken for you. That's so sad. Smiley Sad I just wanted to extend my sincere condolences. Losing a friend is so difficult, no matter what the circumstances are. Your friend sounds like an amazing guy who was loved by everyone. I'm sure he will be deeply missed in the community.

I know that it is probably too early to start thinking about ways that you can cope, but I just want you to know that there is a lot of help and that there are many resources out there for people who have lost friends and loved ones to suicide, if that's something that you want to explore. The entire ReachOut community has your back too. I'll be thinking of you Heart

giphy

Re: In shock with no words

Hey @WheresMySquishy @letitgo @xXLexi_Lou122Xx @Tiny_leaf @nyke @Taylor-RO 

thanks for your support, I went to school today and had a taste of tafe day so I was able to focus on that rather than how I am feeling... I think it would be best for me to just ignore it and get on with life there’s nothing I can do he’s gone... there’s nothing that will change that. I don’t know what to feel like I have no emotions ... I want to cry but I just can’t. I want to be happy with my friends but I just can’t... it’s like I’m not me any more ....

Re: In shock with no words

@Mrstweety5482  Grief can be a really complicated, complex process. A lot of people find it hard to cry after experiencing a loss. Everyone grieves in their own way and there is no 'correct' way to grieve, but I can relate to the feeling of not being able to enjoy myself when I'm trying to cope with bad news or a loss of some sort. Experiencing something like this can really make you feel as though you've lost your innocence and that the world can be a dangerous place. It can take a long time to feel okay again. I can only hope that in time, the feelings of grief, sadness and numbness can be balanced out with happy memories of your friend. Heart