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Re: In shock with no words

@WheresMySquishy hit the nail on the head, I think.

 

It is okay to be feeling any type of emotion right now - whether it be sad, angry, confused, happy, sick or even nothing. It's a normal part of the grieving process, you do you. Smiley Happy

Re: In shock with no words

@Mrstweety5482 it's okay to feel this way, but I don't recommend ignoring how you feel. I lost my Great Grandma a few years ago, of old age. I grieved for her, but not for as long as a normal person would. That was how I took it.

All I can say is, ignoring it can make you feel worse. It usually does.

So what I want you to do, is to do something that centres you, and only you. Can you do some self-care soon? Maybe that will help for a little bit. I know the self-care threads and coping ideas threads are great ways to practice self-care.

 

I have school now, but I promise I'll check in soon afterwards.

 

//Nothing is impossible. The word itself says "I'm Possible"//

Re: In shock with no words

Thankyou all for the support 🙂

Re: In shock with no words

So I went to school today, I was trying to act normal etc... then this guy in my year who was my best friends (who committed suicide) mate,  came up to me and was like “you didn’t give him what he wanted, that’s why he committed suicide,” and I was like “what” and he’s like he wanted to be friends with benefits with you and you wouldn’t let him take advantage of you” and I was like “and?!...” and he’s like “it’s all he wanted and you didn’t give it to him... so you’re the reason he did this” 

i broke down in tears at that very moment... my year advisor saw I was upset and took me to the office, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t breathe, I threw up and then went home, this was at like 1:30 ish and went to sleep at about 2 ish... i woke up half an hour ago. I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast ... my mum has asked me if I want dinner (homemade satay chicken and rice omg yum) I’m a sucker for rice dishes but I looked at it and felt like if I eat I’m gonna throw up... I’m numb. I cried today but I feel that numb feeling all over again. I don’t know what to do... I mean what if it’s true... what if I am the reason he killed himself.... if it’s true I dont know what I would do to myself... I’m still in denial this morning driving to school, I would usually pick him up and drive him to school ... this morning I drove to his house and remembered he’s not here anymore. It feels like someone has stabbed my in the chest over and over and over ... I’m in so much pain... it’s like my brain has turned my emotional pain into physical pain... idk what to do... 

Re: In shock with no words

@Mrstweety5482 what happened was not your fault. Okay?

It was not your fault. 

 

That guy is also going through grief. He's probably also upset that he lost a friend like that. He's probably also angry and sad and wondering why this had to happen.

He probably wants someone to blame.

But what happened was not your fault, and him blaming it on you was a really, really shitty thing to do. 

 

Please try to give yourself space from him. You might want to get your mum to ring your school and ask to have a meeting with your year coordinator to talk about it before you go back.

 

Please remember, this was not your fault. 

Re: In shock with no words

@Mrstweety5482 also, I'm here if you need to talk.

Please take care of yourself. 

Re: In shock with no words

What If I was the reason he killed him self ... then I have no right to be alive either ... I killed my best friend without knowing ... let’s just call him Jake for now ... Jake was more worth living than I am and now he’s gone .... how Is my life any more valuable than his?

Re: In shock with no words

@Mrstweety5482 you did not kill your friend, and you are not the reason he did it.

Re: In shock with no words

@Mrstweety5482 What that guy said to you says something about his way of dealing with grief, not about how Jake actually felt.

 

That guy is not Jake. He does not have the right to speak for Jake. He does not have the knowledge to speak for Jake.

 

That guy wanted someone to blame. Just because he blamed you does not mean that Jake blamed you, and it does not mean that you should blame yourself.

Re: In shock with no words

@Mrstweety5482 Everyone has a right to be alive. Everyone.

Your life has enormous value, and enormous potential.