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Re: In two worlds

Hey J95, from the combination of this trhead and the other, it sounds like you do not want to go and see your Dad in the hospital which is totally understandable considering your posts which tell us that he is still threatening and being emotionally abusive. It's not fair that you feel pressured to go and see him. If you need to you can tell your mum that it's because of the protection orders you don't feel comfortable.

 

I just posted more in the other thread too.

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: In two worlds

I went and saw my Dad and it was a pretty horrid experience. I went alone simply because it wouldn't be fair on the other person if something happened. He was just hurling abuse at me the whole time you know why the fuck are you here all this stuff and I was like woah sorry for trying to be nice and after a while I couldn't take his shit anymore. He acted all nice when other people were around, but when it was just us he gave me every reason not to bother anymore.  I left and sat in my car and cried for like 45 minutes.

 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: In two worlds

He's really not looking good though, been in contact with mum she said he has gotten worse since this afternoon when i was there. great. 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: In two worlds

Hey @j95 

Woah thats such a brave thing to have done!

How are you feeling? do you have someone you can talk to about the expereince?

Im sorry to hear your dad isnt doing well, and that you didnt have the expereince you were intending for however like i said you were brave to go! 

 

Re: In two worlds

Hey @j95 

 

It wass a really strong thing to go and see your Dad. I don't know your situation completely but from hat you've written here, he really doesn't deserve a kid like you. I understand that he's sick and I'm sure that brings up lots of feelings in you but that doesn't change what he did in the past, let alone how he's acting now. If you don't want to see him again. Don't. He's done nothing too earn your company. Abusing you to the point of you crying in your car is unacceptable. You deserve way more than that. You have suffered enough abuse, it's time to treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. If your Dad can't give you the love and support you need then you can give it to yourself and start looking for others who will too. You sound like you have a huge heart, which is why I imagine it's so hard to not feel bad about him being in hospiital but he hasn't earned that. 

And if you find yourself wondering if you should see him again, ask yourself 'would he visit me in hospital? Would he come and keep me company and cheer me up and worry about me feeling sick or being hurt?' And if you''re not sure what the answer to that is, then remind yourself, did he do those things when you were growing up? During the times in your life when you were a kid and needed help, was he there for you?

Maybe you'll find your answers there?

And please try again with the counselling. 1800RESPECT are there to help people like you getting over abusive relationships. It's all relationships, not just husbands and wives. Abuse and living in out of hoome care or foster care takes a lot to get through. You deserve lots of support to help you through it. Please don't try and do it by yourself.

Re: In two worlds

hi @j95 - I couldn't have said it any better than @NigioC so I won't try, but just so you know I agree with every single things she said there and hope that you get all the love and care you deserve. Keeping chatting with us here for as long as you need, but 1800 RESPECT can give you that extra one-on-one personalised support.

 

You are strong with a big heart - take care of it.

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: In two worlds

Sorry I did this and then post failed so I had to copy and paste it and the only way tp get it back on here was putting it into the code bit so yeah it looks weird now. 

He thinks he has the right to push his kids around but he doesn't. No, he wasn't there when us kids needed help, not for one moment! His doesnt deserve any of us kid's time. I guess I'm still learning to love and respect myself but I have a wonderful girlfriend who is helping me out as much as she can and completley "gets me"  as much as she can. Dad put my mum, brothers and I through emmense pain that no sickness or injury in hospital can compare to. He doesnt deserve attention from this family, somehow Mum doesn't get that and wants us all to keep in great contact with him, why did she go back to that dickhead? Who hurt her and her sons? It's so silly but I guessit isnt easy to leave or to not go back. I know whats its like to not be able to leave, I lived in it for 15 years, I was just a kid I couldn't leave my family, abusive or not, it was too hard. Must of been hard on mum too, to try and get away from it with her kids, if she had control over it she wouldnt let all of the abuse happen, but she had to do what Dad said or not do what should of been done because Dad told her not to. We were defenceless children, Dad took advantage of it. The stuff he did to us is indescrible and I hope other kids don't have to deal with it but they do and it is very sad.


we lived in an environment that wasnt ok at all, we were exoposed to and had to deal with drugs & alcohol, low imcome mum and dad were unemployed or worked not much as well as the abuse and neglect. This things werent restricted to home, my brothers and I always struggled and got bullied at school for being "weird" because we never had the right stuff.

I

Im not whining about how shitty my childhood was, just saying that my family are not the only ones, but what can we do when there are people out there like my dad and not locked up?

 sorry random rant im not having a good day 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: In two worlds

and yeah I will try to go back to headspace 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: In two worlds

hey again j95 - totally agree with everything you've said there. You sound like you have a really good perspective on it now and like you say - you were a kid there was nothing you could do because the person who was supposed to protect you (your Dad) completely failed you. It must be so hard to see your mum go back to him and you will probably never be able to make sense of that. She is the victim too and often abusive men have a hold over victims for a long time, she probably makes excuses for him. Don't try and make sense of it, she is a victim too.

I'm really glad to hear you have a supportive girlfriend and that you'll have a chat with headspace, don't forget about https://www.1800respect.org.au too, they are experienced in matters of family violence.

Take care

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com