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Is it me? Do I feel sorry for myself?

 How do I feel like I am whole again? Within this past year, I have had 2 uncles die and an aunt who past. The one uncle and aunt was my cousin's parents. She 17 and she has tried to kill herself, She said she won't do it because I am here rock and I am her person. I am the only real family she has. Some days I wake up with knots up my neck and down my spine because I am stressed. I am stressed because I am scared that one day she will do it because she doesn't care anymore. I don't really have friends anymore and I don't want to talk to my parents about it and I just feel like I am falling apart all the time. I decided to stay at home and go to college locally and all my friends went away. I don't really go visit them at school because I am working trying to say money. I am not a good texter and I know that, but they don't ever really text or call me, so I do try and make the first move, but get nothing in return. Anyway, we are all on break and the first time I saw them we were all at a party and I sat in the corner, no one really said hi. I left crying because this has been a tough year for them and none of them were really there for me because they were all at school, and I understand, but I felt ignored, unwanted, unimportant. My one friend texted me that night asking why I had a bug up my ass and I just ignored the text. I was crying because I don't know what happened to me. I am usually super outgoing and the center of attention. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I don't sleep and I eat poorly and I work all the time because honestly....I really fucking hate what been happening in my life. I hate to feel sorry for myself, but this year has been one of the worst one yet. I feel that my life is spinning out of control, am I being dramatic? 

Re: Is it me? Do I feel sorry for myself?

Hey @lillycohen, I am super sorry about your loss with your Aunt and Uncle - that must be really heavy all happening within the past year. Are you living in the USA? It is okay if so however this is an Australian forum so some of our resources may not be beneficial to you. Please feel free to still use it for peer support Smiley Happy

 

In regards to your cousin it sounds like you feel like her wellbeing rests on your shoulders? No doubt this would cause an immense amount of anxiety and fear, and of course psychosomatic symptoms such as the knots in your neck. Don't be too hard on yourself, of course with all that has been happening you are not feeling as outgoing. It sounds like in turn that is affecting your friendships. Do you have one friend you feel you confide in about what's been going on for you?

 

Also, do you have a school youth counsellor/therapist you utilise at all?

 

Look forward to hearing from you. Heart