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Is this real or am I making it all up

 I have a problem with my step dad, Im so tired of feeling this way. And i feel so powerless and someone alerted  me to the fact that it could be emotional abuse. But i need advice on if it is and what to do . ? 


My mum married my step dad when i was 13. I didnt even know him and it happened so fast. When he moved in changed everything he stated to take over mums roles and we suddenly had to oney him. But im 21 now and its still going on, i am scared to say no to any of his requests because if i try to stand up for my self he gets really mad and I basically feel like a slave who has no human rights . 

Is this abuse or am i just not trying hard enough . 

Btw we have been to so many therpy sessions he still has not changed.

Re: Is this real or am I making it all up

Hi @Okaykay, that must have been so hard living under the same room as him for such a long period of time. Have you spoken to your mum about this? or if you have siblings, have you guys discussed this? What do they think?

Re: Is this real or am I making it all up

Hi @Okaykay, I really sorry to hear that you're dealing with this sort of treatment from your step father. What you've described here does sound like it could be an abusive situation (there's some more information about signs of emotional abuse here if you wanted to have a look and compare) and I want to stress that this experience is definitely not your fault. You deserve to feel safe and heard. 


You've mentioned going to family therapy, are you seeing anyone individually at the moment to get support? There's a list of resources here for people in abusive situations that gives options by state that may help to point you in the direction of getting some professional support. 


When you say that you are "scared to say no to any of his requests", are you worried that you're personal safety is in danger? If you feel like you're ever in immediate danger please don't hesitate to call 000.


Let us know how you're going and how you find those resources.

Re: Is this real or am I making it all up

Thank you for replying @Chessca_H 

i have read through the signs and stuff but im still not sure it feels a little different (i may be in denial or something but i dont know).  So after some of the family therapy we had conversations and hes told me that everything i say to him is attacking him and that i always argue with him he tells me things didnt happen that did and i feel like im imagining things. When i said im scared to say no, i mean im just scared Because  the way he reacts always makes me feel horrible so i just avoid it. 

Yes i see a personal therapist as i also suffer from borderline personality disorder and depression. However i think that she thinks everything that i feel is because of my mental health rather than anything that's happening. 

Re: Is this real or am I making it all up


My mum understands but she gets really hurt when i talk to her cause she feels really guilty so i dont like to burden her. My borrher feels very mum the same but he doesnt get any of the "abuse" because he is so submissive and has never said anything to stand up for himself. So he gets left well enough alone. 

Re: Is this real or am I making it all up

hey @Okaykay, I'm sorry you're in this situation, it sounds really difficult and you don't deserve any of it.


Regardless of how your stepdad's behaviour is classified, it is pretty unacceptable for an adult to bully other people into getting his way and when you try to talk to them about it have them completely go off the other end and blame you. It actually sounds like your stepfather is showing narcissistic behaviour, and I would suggest reading this checklist to see if you find anything relatable. There is also an online support group for the children of narcissists, which you might find helpful,


In general, it seems like you're living in an environment where you don't really feel validated or supported. You mentioned before you're 21; is it possible for you to move out?

Re: Is this real or am I making it all up

Hey @Okaykay I just want to second what the others have said - you don't deserve this kind of treatment. The fact that he's telling you you're imaginings things or the way things happened is a cruel and manipulative thing to do and I want you to know that your experience is real and valid.


Like @DirtWitch, I'm wondering if it might be possible for you to move out?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //