It has been a while
Hi I havent been on here in ages i guess i have had a lot going on i was in hospital for a long time and then it has been hard trying to get back to doing things especially after what happened in hospital anyway i am really struggling at the moment i dont even know where to begin but everything is falling apart i am struggling with uni and struggling to take care of myself and struggling to do even basic things like shower and feed myself i dont even know what to do anymore nothing is working and i am exhausted i just feel completely lost.
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 i am sorry i just disappeared if you see this i hope you are doing ok.
@Erin_RO I am a K-pop fan but funnily enough I am not a huge BTS fan I like one or 2 of their songs but I don't really follow them I am much more into the girl groups tbh.@Lost_Space_Explorer5 if I try and change case managers I risk getting someone even worse so I am not keen on that either.
I am very upset my CM finally gave me the paper work she was meant to give me for the tribunal hearing i have that she hasnt told me when it will be anyway it is horrible what they have said about me is horrible and they want to put me on a treatment order for 12 MONTHS that is a whole year i am so mad i am never getting off these injections at this rate i am so sick of them i dont want them anymore.
Aw I'm so sorry. I remember when I had a tribunal and it was so horrible, all of them talking about me like I wasn't a person. Did you wanna talk about what they said about you? 12 months is so long 😞 Do the injections have a lot of side effects?
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 they do have a lot of side effects and i hate them and they cause me a lot of distress but the doctors dont care about that. they said all sorts of things they said i am often irritable which isnt true i am tired a lot but not irritable and they said i am too paranoid to engage in treatment planning and ugh just all this yucky stuff and idk what i am going to do everything is already a mess and now this and i just idk i feel very lost.
@Taylor-RO i cant talk to this CM about anything she doesnt listen and doesnt really care and we dont click at all so i dont trust her and dont feel comfortable with her at all. but still i shouldnt complain she could be worse i have had much worse case managers in the past.
Hey @Eden1717 , lovely to hear from you! I'm so sorry you had to read all of those comments about yourself in the tribunal paperwork. Sometimes it feels like professionals can forget that they're writing about a person and can say things that are pretty harsh and horrible to read. I can completely understand why you might be feeling a bit lost and potentially powerless, especially if you don't get to have a voice when it comes to what your treatment looks like.
That's really rough that you don't feel comfortable with your case manager. You said that you've had worse in the past, but it still really sucks that you've been paired with someone that you don't click with and that you don't really trust. Have you been with this case manager for long?
You mentioned having a new psychiatrist too - what's your relationship with them like? It sounds like there's been lots of changes to the professionals your seeing. That lack of consistency must be pretty rough too.
no i have only had this case manager for a few months and she really sucks i have a friend who also has her as their case manager and they also dont like her, the new psych is well a little strange tbh but he is leaving soon anyway so i will have to get to know another new one soon anyway.
Hey @Eden1717 That sounds like such a challenging situation to be in, especially as your friend is in such a similar position with not liking the case manager. Is there someone that you could talk to and share these concerns with?
I'm sorry to hear that your psych will be leaving soon too, did you like working with them at all? How do you feel about them leaving?
I really admire how much strength you're showing through all of this, it sounds like a lot to be managing right now but your doing such a good job 💜
Ugh, I am sorry to hear that about the paperwork @Eden1717. That sounds incredibly upsetting and frustrating. It must be so difficult to not be completely updated on the situation as well. While I haven't been in your situation, I can understand why you are feeling the way that you are, especially due to your previous experience with treatment orders and injections. Have you been able to share your wishes and concerns with your CM? I really feel for you being in this situation 
@Courtney-RO I have been trying to just do what I can and trying to just watch Netflix and stuff but it is hard everything is kind of a mess right now and idk what to do about it nothing I am doing seems to be working it is frustrating and exhausting.
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 It is good to hear from you too. Yeah I was in hospital for 2 months and then another month at a supported accommodation place. They tried me on a new medication there only I had a really bad reaction to it and could have died it affected my heart and lungs badly and I haven’t fully recovered since. I have some new supports some good some bad I have a new case manager who is really bad at her job she isn’t mean she just has no clue what she is doing and also doesn’t really care so she is pretty useless tbh but I also have some support workers now and 1 of them is really good. But yeah idk things are weird and I am tired a lot.
Oh man that would have been so scary @Eden1717 😞 You could have died?! That's terrifying! It sucks you haven't fully recovered since.. It sounds like a bit of a mix with your supports, I'm glad you've got one good one. Sorry to hear you're tired a lot 😞 What kinds of things have you been watching on Netflix? Got any recommendations?
Well i have been watching a lot of korean dramas most recently i finished extraordinary atteroney woo which was very good. other than that they last 2 days i have just been watching uk police shows on youtube lol.
Ooh I have seen ads for that but was worried it wouldn't be good. Maybe I will give it a go!
yeah it was good if you are up to watching something with subtitles then absolutely worth a watch.
Hi @Eden1717
Welcome! It's nice to hear from you again. Though, I'm sorry to hear that your time away from the forums hasn't been pleasant to say the least. Your stay in hospital sounds incredible distressing and tough. It must have been scary to have such significant side effects from the medication. Also, not fully recovering must be taking a toll on you. I'm really sorry that you had to go through that.
It sounds like you're doing what you can in a really challenging situation but it sucks that nothing is working. I can only imagine how frustrating and exhausting that would get. It's great that you've got some good support at the moment. Are you still seeing a psychiatrist and or psychologist? Also from memory (if you feel comfortable answering) you didn't live near your family before - is this still true?
yes i see a psychiatrist and a psychologist as well and yeah i live far away from my family but we do keep in contact.
Hi @Eden1717
Great to hear that you have some support and are able to keep in contact with your family. How are you finding your psychologist and psychiatrist? Are they the same people from your time before hospital?
well the psychologist is the same but it is a different psychiatrist. it is complicated the psychiatrist keeps changing because it is with the public system and have to see the public one because i am on a treatment order.
Hey @Eden1717 it's so good to hear from you! Though I'm sorry to hear you were in hospital 😞 it sounds like something intense happened in there (I mean hospital is intense enough on its own!) that has made it hard to get back to feeling like yourself and being able to take care of yourself? Did you want to talk about what happened?
Do you have any supports at the moment?
Hey @Eden1717 Welcome back to the forums, it is always so lovely hearing from you!
I'm sorry to hear that you have been in hospital and that things feel like they are falling apart again. That sounds really scary. I want to say well done on reaching out here though, I can only imagine how hard that was for you so I just want to say that that shows just how brave and courageous you are.
As you mentioned that you are really struggling right now, I just want to check and see if you are safe tonight? Do you have a safety plan in place at the moment? I know how hard this has been for you before, so if you would like to talk to someone, we recommend reaching out to a helpline. Alternatively, would you feel comfortable sharing these heavy feelings with someone close to you?
You mentioned that you have been struggling with uni and to take care of yourself. Does anyone at uni know what's going on for you right now? Looking after yourself can be really difficult when you feel like this and so I want to say that that is absolutely okay! Sometimes you just need to focus on taking it one day at a time, or if that's too much, then one hour at a time. I am also wondering if maybe setting small goals for each day might help. Do you think that might be something you would be interested in doing?
I was also wondering if you have been able to find anything that distracts you, even just a little bit?
With so much going on, is there something nice you can do for yourself tonight to help you relax?
I also just want to remind you that you're not alone and we're all here for you 💜
