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It's hard being a tomboy...I'm confused

As a Tomboy I don't feel like I belong in most groups. I don't want to stand out in a crowd and be the odd one out. I don't understand girls, like the need to wear makeup and dresses.
I feel like I'm an alien because I don't belong as a stereotypical girl, even though I have all the girl parts, sometimes I wish I was born a guy it would be a lot eayser. I don't even know if I like boys or girls because I have never had a relationship.
I am probley not in the best headspace right now I feel guilt and anexiety, hopefuly I won't feel this way to much longer. (I have had previous times when I have felt like this I know there is light at the end of the right now I'm just stuck in the dark space of it)
I am just confused oh so very confused!

Re: It's hard being a tomboy...I'm confused

The message is next Smiley Tongue

Re: It's hard being a tomboy...I'm confused

Don't worry, everything you're feeling, you're not alone. I for one feel the same way. Don't let stereotypes rule your life, not all girls wear make-up or dresses all the time. They are all just labels and we are more than them. You'll find the friends that are right for you, but until you do, make sure you are with people who are real friends. Also, you don't need to know what you like and you don't have to be in a relationship because sometimes relationships aren't very true. 

You don't have to worry about being confused, everyone is confused at more than one point in their life and you're right too, you'll get to the end, you just need to keep going. A quote from a favourite movie of mine;


If you hit a wall, you push through it! - The Adventures of Tin Tin.

Re: It's hard being a tomboy...I'm confused

Hi Tomboy,



I highly agree with N1ghtW1ng- do not let stereotypes define what is considered the norm in the way you act, think or feel. Society constructs all these different gender roles and rules and its okay to live outside the box! After all it is better to be yourself than to follow the crowd and feel more unease by not living in your own skin.


We all change throughout life and I think there are periods when we question who we are, how we feel, why we feel this way, why we acted in such a way, why our interests are what they are etc etc. But sometimes we don't hold the answers to our questions. So I say be proud of who you are. You will continue to grow and slowly some of your questions you have may be answered.


No one can be a better you, but YOU!.


LL Smiley Happy

Re: It's hard being a tomboy...I'm confused

Thank you N1ghtW1ng and LeaLea07 for responding I am feeling better today. I got out of the house and it took my mind off my usual over-thinking and over complicating things to living in the present and enjoy what I have now.
I know I shouldn't let stereotypes get to me.
I have to rember to take things as they come, because I think where a lot of my anxiety comes from is worrying about the future and what's going to happen.

I found this quote I realy connected with;
'If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.' -Lao Tzu

Re: It's hard being a tomboy...I'm confused

Hey Tomboy,


Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better today. It's really common to get caught up in thinking about the past and the future and forget to be in the here & now - it's great that you're able to recognise that that is a trap you sometimes fall into. Have you ever heard of mindfulness? It's all about learning to be in the present moment and appreciating things just as they are. If you're finding it hard to keep yourself grounded without getting caught up overthinking things, there's some tips on how to be more mindful here which might be useful for you. 


Again, glad to hear today is a bit better and I hope things stay that way Smiley Happy Hang in there.

Re: It's hard being a tomboy...I'm confused


You've gotten some really good advice here.

I'm just wondering how old you are? (of course you don't have to answer) If I'm wrong then I'm not at all meaning to insult you, it just sounds to me like you may be quite young, early teens perhaps, just because I'm sure that this type of thinking about where you belong and what 'stereotype' you fit in to/don't is quite normal around that age.

If I'm right, and again I'm not meaning to sound like I'm treating you like a little kid, but it's pretty common to grow out of it.
In our preteen to early teen years (even mid-teen years) fitting in and belonging is a big deal. It can seem like you either fit in to the girl category or the boy category and it can look like it just comes so easily to all the others.
It's not true though. You can be the girliest girly girl, can be so close to being a boy that you even get mistaken for one and you can be somewhere in between.
You can even hang around with the boys all the time, and still have girly interests. It's all possible, all allowed and all normal.
Towards the end of high school and beyond, it'll become more noticeable.

Until then, try not to worry about the people you don't fit in with, focus instead on the people you do enjoy and fit in with.

As for the relationship stuff, again if you're young, having a relationship may feel really important right now but it really isn't. So many of my friends look back and just laugh or completely embarrassed about the 'boyfriends' they had back in the first years of high-school.
And don't worry about who you like, you like who you like and that is fine. If you don't like anyone now, that's fine and normal.
If you're one of those people who ends up never liking someone that way, it's also fine. Really.
Also, being a tomboy doesn't mean you're a lesbian. Just like how being a lesbian doesn't mean you're a tomboy.

If your feelings are really worrying you, have you tried speaking to someone? - helpline, parent, school counsellor etc.

Glad to hear you were feeling better, good-luck with it continuing to improve.

Re: It's hard being a tomboy...I'm confused

Hi Tomboy,


It can be really hard to feel different from the people around you. Especially if the way they behave and the things they do seem really unappealing to you. It's such a natural desire to want to feel a part of the group around you and it can be really confusing and upsetting when you feel seperate just because you're being the way you want to be. So I think it's awesome you've had the courage to come into Reach Out and ask for some support.


It seems to me though, that in amongst all this confusion, you have an awesome amount of insight and personal wisdom. I loved the way you later posted how you had taken yourself out into the day to take your mind of things and to be in the present. Well done! And I love that quote. I remember being taught that amazingly simple wisdom. I had it described to me as being 'rehash and rehearsal'. Either rehashing the past or rehearsing the future and that if I was not in either of those states, it was almost impossible for me to feel depressed or anxious. So simple, and sometimes so very hard to do. Smiley Happy

Re: It's hard being a tomboy...I'm confused

@Gail- I have not heard of mindfulness meditation before, thank you so much. I have always looked at anxiety and depression info sheets for answers. This is a lifesaver, I am using the Smailing Mind App and so far it is helping me to be in abetter headspace by relaxing. That's hard for me to do sometimes, this just works!

@Birdeye- I am actually 19 I have finished high school. I am not a fended in any way, I'm just glad there are people like you wanting to help. At the moment I am traveling in another country and have been for about 5 months and accouple more to go. When I wrote the original message I was in meltdown mode, I guess because I am feeling homesick and not seeing anyone. I kind of feel alone here sometimes and all I want is a friendly face and a big hug.

@NigioC- Thank you your message helped.

Re: It's hard being a tomboy...I'm confused

Just a quick comment, I think girls that are tomboys and aren't all obsessed with makeup and girly things are cool. I am sure I am not the only one, be yourself and try and find the right people to be around, there definately are people that like girls like you.