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Just alone

I don't know much about what to write or say on here...I just need to get some things off my chest. I'm 21 with 3 kids. I have been alone most of my life. I don't have either of my parents or any family. My partner isn't supportive or comforting to me. I feel as though nobody loves me. I carry a lot of pain from my past and present with me daily. I feel as if I have a dark cloud over me. I have never been happy in my life. I've had happy moments but I've never been truly happy and enjoyed life. I'm laying in bed awake at 6:00am and I've been awake all night. Alone. Everyone if asleep. I should be asleep but I'm lonely and hurting emotionally. I just want someone to care about me. Someone to talk to me and understand me. I have nobody. My life has been one bad thing after another and no matter who I try to talk to nobody really cares enough. Everybody leaves and forgets me. I'll never have anybody to have my back or help me. I try so hard and I'm there for others but when I need somebody nobody is here for me. My family have turned their backs. My own parents left me when I was a child. I ended up with a guy who treats me poorly. I beg for his love. Sometimes I beg him to hold me and he turns his back and leaves me alone. I'm hurt. My heart is hurt. I carry pain and regret with me all day everyday. I long for somebody to care about me. I long for somebody to love me and be here for me. I'm rambling. I know I am....I've just been up for hours crying and hurting. Thinking that nobody will care or hear me. If I did reach out to somebody it wouldn't help. I'm lost and confused. I need a friend. I need somebody to hold me and tell me I'm okay. That I'll be okay and everything that I'm worried about will work itself out. That I won't be I'm the situation forever. That everything that is causing me heartache will get better. I'm hopeless. I feel helpless. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have so many responsibilities with my children and I can't have a break. I can't take time for myself. They always need me and I'm always here. They're my world and I love them. What if I'm tired? What if I just need some time? I do. I need some time to myself and a break and for somebody to help me. I feel like I'll be alone and hurting forever. Like nobody will ever care about me. I'm so alone. My kids are all I have. What if I'm not enough for them. I feel like not. I just want to be okay and happy again. They make me happy but they're all that does and its so hard to be all that they need and not have any support for myself. My partner even says terrible thing about me and to me. He says bad things to me and makes me feel terrible. I know he doesn't love me. Nobody can treat anybody the way that he does and actually love them. I beg for him to be here for me and he puts me down further. I'm at the end of my rope. I need somebody to make me feel okay again. I try to do it myself but I can't. I'm hurt. I'm alone.

Re: Just alone

Hey @Ineedsomebody, I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so alone at the moment. You've taken a really positive step by openly talking about all of this on Reach Out. It's important to express these feelings and places like RO are always here to offer support.

 

Have you ever thought about speaking to a professional about how you feel? They might be able to help you work through what you're going through and also the things that have happened to you in the past. You can ask your local GP to refer you to someone who could help. It could also give you some "you" time which you mentioned you haven't had much of for some time.

 

As we get older and are a few years out of school, it can be harder to make new friends and form new strong connections, but it's definitely not impossible. This fact sheet has some really good tips on making new friends and finding social events you can take part in. Take a look when you get the chance and see if there's some ideas in there you'd like to try.

 

I also noticed that you're from the US. We're definitely here to chat with you and to listen, but if you'd like to speak with people closer to home, there's also ReachOut.com USA

Re: Just alone

Hey @Ineedsomebody, sorry to hear you feel like this! Please feel free to get more involved on the RO Forums here, ask questions about peoples interests, share what you're up to and get involved. This place can be as helpful as you let it in terms of a support network. I really look forward to you getting involved income of the threads!
we are what we repeatedly do - aristotle
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Re: Just alone

~hugs~

 

I might be wrong about this but I think you should focus on friendships first. I think its best not to focus on finding a partner until you are confident and comfortable with yourself. Ive been single for 3-4 years? and its been the best times of my life cus I get to focus on making myself happy. 

Anyway, I hope the in your life the sun will shine bright soon.

Re: Just alone

@Ineedsomebody

Let us know how're your doing? You matter! We care about you! So come say hi Smiley Happy 

Re: Just alone

reading that, i felt like i wrote half of it myself. I understand you. I know where you are coming from. Reply... please.. let us know you are ok (or hanging in there)