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Letting it out

Hi im new here, and I have this problem that i just want to let it out of my chest because it keeps pilling up. It troubles me alot to the point that im scared it might consume me.

 

Im the second child in the family. And im that type of child who doesnt want to cause alot of trouble. As a child i dont want to ask for anything since i dont want to bother my parents (they’re always busy.) And then there is my eldest brother let’s call him “DRAKE” who is completely the opposite. He gets everything. And we’re not close because he beats me up.

 

You can call him a bully because he really is. And i dont know why he’s treating me like this. And i dont know why my parents are looking the other shoulder like they’re ignoring what he did. Instead of confronting him. They’d just tell me to “if you cant get along then just stay away from him.” and so i did. i tried to stay away.

but you cant really do that when you’re both staying under one roof right? so he’s still beating me up and my parents would still say the same thing.

 

The worst beat up i got was when i was in my 2nd year in college. We were fighting over something and i thought that by that time he already stopped being violent but i was wrong.
He hit me. I fought back. Being beaten for so long you learn to fight back.
But he was strong. he hit me again. Then i manage to stand up and ran to my room. I receive a blackeye from that fight.

My parents found out and Drake went to my aunt’s house probably ashamed for what he did. I was absent for a week. I locked myself. I didnt talk to anyone. i just cried myself to sleep.

After a week my blackeye was still there, i tried to cover it up with concealer but when i stared at myself in the mirror i broke down.

My father picked up my brother from my aunt’s house to my dismay. After everything that happened they’re still ignoring it? what about me? did they even consider what i might feel?

That’s when i started to go home very late. After school i refused to go home early like i used to.

Fast forward to our graduation. Unfortunately Drake and i graduated the same year. He failed in his classes so he had to retake.

His graduation was in the morning and mine was in the afternoon. He wasnt feeling happy because his girlfriend wasnt there so everytime my mother wanted to take a picture with him. he said no.
I was so excited for my graduation. My dress was ready, i had my make up and my hair was curled up. The graduation ceremony turned out smoothly but when i wanted to take a picture my mother refused. She said my brother didnt get to take a picture why should i?
So i didnt have my graduation picture with my toga on.

It hurts everytime my mother does that. Favoring my brother more.

And its not only my brother who she favors, same with my other two sisters.

Im always stuck with the household chores, laundry and cooking. If my sisters failed to do their chores, guess who gets to be blamed? yes, me :slight_smile:

 

I hate my parents, but i know i shouldnt because they’re still my parents. They brought me into this world and i should thank them for that. But everytime my mother and sometimes my father does that, it hurt but i always try to brush it off.

I was the beaten child but they always favor Drake because he was the only child.

I hate my parents, but i know i shouldnt because they’re still my parents. They brought me into this world and i should thank them for that. But everytime my mother and sometimes my father does that, it hurt but i always try to brush it off.

I was the beaten child but they always favor Drake because he was the only child.

 

Thank you for listening

Re: Letting it out

Hey @unnamed_, thanks for sharing your story and I'm really sorry to hear about what's been going on in your house. That sounds really difficult to live with, and I think that problems under your own roof are that much harder because you can never catch a break from them.

 

You mentioned that your parents are really busy and that there's 4 of you as siblings. Is it possible that they don't understand the severity of the issue that you are describing? As in, they might know that Drake has an issue with you, but they might think that you both fight each other rather than it being one-sided, or they might not understand how bad it really is. Have you tried to have a discussion with them about how it makes you feel and how upset it makes you?

 

I'm sorry to hear that it's so rough for you to catch some peace and quiet in your own house. i think in larger families, it can often be the case that there's more of an 'every man for himself' mentality as it's harder to keep track of everyone's behaviour. And that definitely doesn't make it okay - your parents should still protect you, even if the issue is your own sibling. But I definitely think that issues within the family are harder to spot the bigger the family is. Do you feel like that may be part of the issue? That they're just not noticing the extent to which it's happening?

In terms of something that can be done about the issue, do you have a friend who you could stay with from time to time when things get rough? Or is it worth talking to a relative about the issue so that you can crash at theirs if you can't stand being at home?

Let me know how everything goes - we are all here for you Smiley Happy

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Re: Letting it out

Hey there @unnamed_ and welcome to ReachOut Smiley Happy

 

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Opening up about our troubles can definitely help get them off our chests, I hope that sharing your story here has helped you Smiley Happy

 

 

It's unfortunate that your parents don't offer you the support you need. It's okay to dislike them, when they've hurt you, even though they are your parents. It's not wrong. I was wondering, do you have any supports outside of your family? Such as a counselor or close friends? 

It can be really hard to stay away from someone when you do live together, using distraction strategies (we have a whole bunch listed here) can help distract you and help you cope with living with him, what do you think? 

 

I will also be sending an email soon, so please keep an eye out Smiley Happy

 


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Re: Letting it out

i dont want to talk badly about my parents but they’re never there. They’re always working. And i dont want to wake them up at night just because i want them to know how i feel.

 

Maybe you’re right, we are a big family. Or maybe my parents are just more focused to my brother than they are to me.

 

I try to be as positive as i can, even though my parents constantly show favoritism to my siblings. I try to just brush it off but cant  help feeling jealous and mad sometimes. 

 

I do have friends, and i always cry sharing my story to them. But it always makes me feel better to just write down how i feel.


@basketofmonkeys wrote:

Hey @unnamed_, thanks for sharing your story and I'm really sorry to hear about what's been going on in your house. That sounds really difficult to live with, and I think that problems under your own roof are that much harder because you can never catch a break from them.

 

You mentioned that your parents are really busy and that there's 4 of you as siblings. Is it possible that they don't understand the severity of the issue that you are describing? As in, they might know that Drake has an issue with you, but they might think that you both fight each other rather than it being one-sided, or they might not understand how bad it really is. Have you tried to have a discussion with them about how it makes you feel and how upset it makes you?

 

I'm sorry to hear that it's so rough for you to catch some peace and quiet in your own house. i think in larger families, it can often be the case that there's more of an 'every man for himself' mentality as it's harder to keep track of everyone's behaviour. And that definitely doesn't make it okay - your parents should still protect you, even if the issue is your own sibling. But I definitely think that issues within the family are harder to spot the bigger the family is. Do you feel like that may be part of the issue? That they're just not noticing the extent to which it's happening?

In terms of something that can be done about the issue, do you have a friend who you could stay with from time to time when things get rough? Or is it worth talking to a relative about the issue so that you can crash at theirs if you can't stand being at home?

Let me know how everything goes - we are all here for you Smiley Happy


 

Re: Letting it out

Hey there @unnamed_, thanks for replying so quickly Smiley Happy

 

It's okay to feel jealous and mad at your parents and your siblings about this. It's hard when parents favour one child, aside from your friends, do you have anyone else you can talk to about this?

 

It's great that you have friends you can turn to, having a support network of friends and other people is great in helping us deal with what's going on around us. You mentioned that you find writing things down helpful, do you journal at all? Writing is definitely a wonderful outlet, and using a journal (paper or online) is a great way to keep track of it all. What do you think?

 

I was wondering if you've had a chance to check your emails yet?

 

 

 

 


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