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Life feels weird

A month ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. I pushed him away, I felt like he never made time for me and I was stealing his time. He kept drawing back, stopped talking to me as much. We still loved each other but I didn't want him to feel like I was a burden in his life. He has mental health issues, I didn't want him to struggle with those, and with me. I thought I was strong enough to let him go, that I loved him enough to know he needed some time to figure out himself. 

 

I was not. We did not end on good terms. I begged him to say goodbye, and I blocked him when he didn't. The only thing I could think was having to see him with another girl, being happier without me.  I felt so incredibly guilty, I reached out the next day to apologise, to work on our relationship but all of my messages and texts, no matter how desperate or calm were met with silence. 

 

I think of him everyday, I see him in every face and every moment. I miss him more than anything. Not even our relationship, I miss him as a person, as a best friend, as a safe place to land. I wrote him today saying how sorry I was for everything that happened, how thankful I was to met him and how much he changed my life. I wished him the best, hoped he would find the love he was searching for. I know he won't read it, won't respond to it. 

 

I guess I just, don't know how to let go. This beautiful boy, I thought he was my soulmate. The one I wanted to do all things in life with, and now I am completely cut out, cut off, and set adrift alone. I am so worried about him, I hope he is taking care of himself, keeping himself safe. I wonder if he ever misses me like I miss him, but I guess he doesn't. 

 

He said he'd never leave, that he would always be there for me but now I'm just another voice in the dark. All our promises, all our dreams, are dead and gone.

 

 

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Re: Life feels weird

Hi @merlin, welcome to ReachOut and thanks for sharing that with us. It sounds like this break up has really been a struggle for you. When relationships end, we can often find ourselves grieving over losing that person and the future that we could have built with them. Please know that you are not alone and breakups are incredibly challenging. Sometimes it takes a bit of time before we stop thinking about them. We have a few tips here on going through a breakup which includes things you can do if you don't think things are getting better. Is there anyone in your life that you can open up to about what you are going through? It can help to get it off our chest but please know that we are always here to listen Heart You mention that you are worried about his mental health. Do you know what supports he is in contact with? 

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Re: Life feels weird

Hi @Taylor-RO , thank you for your reply. I've recently come back to a place that holds a lot of memories of him, and it's drawn me back into the initial pain and sadness of losing him in a big way. I guess there wasn't really any closure, any sense of things being finished, he just sort of stopped trying and left. Part of me is still holding onto a chance that maybe he'll change his mind, or say goodbye - as small as that likelihood may be. I've spoken about it with some close friends and a counsellor, and I've been trying to hold onto the hope that everything in life happens for a reason, everything happens the way it is meant to be.

As for him, I don't know honestly, he was very closed off about the things he was going through, but he was still taking his medication and seeing the doctor at the end of our relationship, I think he felt very lost in life. His coping mechanism for most things was just to keep really really busy but I hope he's been able to talk to pals and reached out to others if he needs help. We had a mutual good friend and she's been periodically asking him if he's okay in a gentle way, I don't think he's been replying. I hope he knows he can always talk to me about it if he feels there is no where else to turn, I'd do anything to make him feel okay. Is there anything you think I should do? 

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Re: Life feels weird

Hey @merlin 

 

I think what you're experiencing is very normal, and it is totally okay to feel this way, especially because it's only been a month since the break up. Of course you're missing him!

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding is that you broke up with him because he wasn't giving you what you need (i.e., enough time) in a relationship, right? How did he react when you broke up with him? 

 

At this point, it seems like you've done all you can. You expressed to him that you want to work on the relationship, right? You've told him how you feel about him (i.e., that you love him), right? If yes, that's all you can really do I think. For now, you might want to tell yourself "well I've said all I have to say and that's all I can do" and try and focus on moving forward.

 

What are some ways you can take your mind off him?

What do you think will help you get over him?

 

I'd suggest to try and think about things that make you feel better about the situation. If picturing him with another girl hurts, then maybe avoid picturing it for now. You might want to try some of the distraction or self-care techniques listed in this and this thread.  

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Re: Life feels weird

Hey there @merlin , I'm sorry you feel this way. I completely understand where you're coming from, because I broke up with my boyfriend recently too and it has been so hard.

 

During these last few months, I've had a while to think and take a step back from the situation. I have learned that your "soulmate" (or whatever you call it) is out there waiting for you to learn and grow and figure out who you are. If it is your ex, you both will find your way back to each other. If not, then you will grow as a person and become a better version of yourself. 

 

In the meantime, I would recommend stop trying to reach out to him. He will talk to you if he chooses. Don't wait for that day. Take some time to focus on yourself and your own needs. Treat yourself, buy yourself a coffee, read that book, go out, stay in and watch Netflix, the choice is yours. Take your time healing and check up on yourself every now and then. Get on with your life but handle yourself with grace and care, now is when you need it most. 

 

Let me know how it goes, and if you ever need someone to chat to, I'm here.

 

You got this, I believe in you! Heart

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Re: Life feels weird

Hi @Maddy-RO  thank you for your reply Smiley Happy 

 

Yeah I initiated it not so much as a break up but more of a general break, and he agreed that he felt he wasn't giving the relationship as much effort (or me) as it deserved, and that he needed time away. Things deteriorated from there because I reacted quite strongly after the idea kind of sunk in, and said things about how I wasn't ready to lose him and I didn't understand what was happening and...he didn't really...help me understand I guess? I asked if we might be able to actually talk about it at the time, but he stopped replying or reading my messages. I must have hurt him quite badly Smiley Sad . I apologised because I felt so awful about making him feel guilty, but I think at this point he is completely gone. It breaks my heart that his last impression of me would have been one as someone who was desperately trying to hold onto something that was already gone. 

 

I've been trying to not talk about it too much and occupy my brain with other things especially because I don't really want to hear people speak negatively about him, when he was a good person and tried his best to be good to me, but I find when I have time alone I start to wonder about him, and hope that he is doing okay and not being too hard on himself. I deleted things of him and his social media so I don't have to look at him or see what he's doing, because I think that would be quite painful too. 

 

I also worry I'll never meet anyone like him again, and I'll never feel the same way about anyone else. I don't really know what will help me to get over him, except maybe more time. I have class starting soon so hopefully that will be a good time occupier too. He just sort of creeps into my thoughts when I'm not expecting him.

 

I don't know really, thank you so much for listening and I will definitely check out those coping and self care strategies Smiley Happy 

 

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Re: Life feels weird

Hi @kittykat30 thank you so much for your reply Smiley Happy. I hope you are feeling okay and being gentle to yourself too. 

 

That is so true isn't it. I feel like these hard, difficult times teach us so much about ourselves and the person we could be, but sometimes it's just hard to get through them without falling down too much. I'm definitely going to try and keep my eyes up and work on myself Smiley Happy 

 

This is so so wonderful of you to say and I'm so grateful you took the time to write this message <3 

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Re: Life feels weird

Hi @merlin  and @kittykat30 , 

 

Just catching up on this thread, @kittykat30  I think what you wrote is so beautiful, and really resonated with me:

 

"During these last few months, I've had a while to think and take a step back from the situation. I have learned that your "soulmate" (or whatever you call it) is out there waiting for you to learn and grow and figure out who you are. If it is your ex, you both will find your way back to each other. If not, then you will grow as a person and become a better version of yourself

 

It really rang true for me, I know that in my life I have had relationships end with people who I felt were my soulmates, and it was only after a lot of time passed that I came to feel that those people were in my life for a season, but we weren't meant to be together forever. I think you often take something different from every relationship you're in, and sometimes people do find their way back into our lives Heart

 

@merlin it sounds to me like you're doing a really good job working through these feelings, and being gentle to yourself. We are really glad you reached out here Smiley Happy Keep us updated with how you are going, we'd love to hear what self-care strategies work for you. There's also a great thread over in the Weekly Wellbeing posts with some fabulous ideas, if you need some extra inspiration Smiley Happy 

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