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Living a fake life

Hi... I haven't done one of these before so here I go... 

 

I've really been struggling a lot with school, family and life. Everyday I am on the verge of crying and instead of telling people, I hide my feelings away and fake my way through the day. Whenever I am at school, I ALWAYS put a fake smile on because I don't want people to see the struggle because I may seem "weak" or an "attention seeker", so instead I hide away my feelings because I think it is good for me. What no one knows is that I almost cry everyday at school, I am always feeling down and I don't know why. I am barely happy and I barely laugh, but when I do laugh, it is almost like a way of feeling real and calm, and simply just me. I am not a person for being "down" or "struggling" because many people know me as the "strong and bold" person, they know me as the one who is "fearless" but what they don't know is that, that is a huge, fat, ugly lie. I don't know why I do this but I think it is so no one can see my pain and what I struggle to do every day because if they did, many people would pay attention to me and honestly, that's not what I want. Sometimes I feel like, I have almost forgotten what it is like just to be me and just to be ... Happy

Re: Living a fake life

Hi @anonymousnobody, that sounds like a very isolating experience and I'm sorry your having to experience that. It's tough when there's the expectation of people around you to always be positive when in reality that's not possible for any of us. Everyone has times where they feel down from time to time, it's normal and healthy to feel those kinds of negative emotions sometimes, but when they're effecting your life as much as you've described then it's definitely worth finding some extra support. Have you considered talking about this to someone, like a school counsellor or a psychologist?

Re: Living a fake life

 

Re: Living a fake life

I've talked to people but I still end up feeling down and I thought this was somewhere to start i guess

Re: Living a fake life

@anonymousnobody I'm glad you felt you could come to us and talk about this, we're here to listen Smiley Happy

 

Who have you talked to before about how you're feeling?

Re: Living a fake life

I've talked to someone at headspace, 2 school Councillors and more people

Re: Living a fake life

@anonymousnobody Ah ok, I'm on the same page now. So you didn't necessarily feel like the person at headspace and the two counsellors worked well for what you're looking to change about how you feel, am I getting that right? Sometimes it can take some time to find someone who you gel with who can help you address things in a way that works for you.

 

What would helpful support look like for you?

Re: Living a fake life

yes, you are completely right! I'm just wanting to talk to people, not necessarily face to face because that makes me uncomfortable, but basically like this where i can get advice as well as try and build myself back up!!

Re: Living a fake life

@anonymousnobody That's fair enough, face to face counselling can be something to work towards feeling comfortable with, but there are definitely other options in the meantime. Have you ever been in contact with Kids Helpline before? They have phone and webchat with trained counsellors who can help to support you with how you're feeling at the moment. It sounds like you're very determined to build yourself back up despite all you've been experiencing Smiley Happy

Re: Living a fake life

I've thought about it but I haven't actually tried it.