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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

@MB95  I'm glad that everything went well. Smiley Happy Well done for getting through the situation with your psych! That must have taken a lot of courage. Smiley Happy

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hey guys.. I'm having a real emotionally mixed day. I was trying my best thismorning to be positive and happy - I went for a walk along the foreshore with two friends from uni and then went to a house viewing before coming home to chill for a bit and check my uni results which were released today. It's been a full on semester for me with starting therapy for the first time and medications and all sorts so I was stressed I wouldn't pass. My psychologist and GP applied for special consideration for me for my finals because they thought it was necessary and when I checked today I was in absolute shock. Somehow I ended up with a High Distinction and 3 Distinctions!!! I don't know how it happened at all but somehow it did. Like don't get me wrong, I'm happy with it - espcially the HD because I really wanted a HD in anatomy and physiology but I don't know. I just feel like I don't deserve it? And like I didn't earn it because I had to apply for special consideration.. I just feel really weird about it because I didn't want to apply for it but my psych advised me too so I did. Like I'm so thankful that she cared enough about my grades to help me with it but I don't know, somehow I feel like I've cheated and don't deserve them? One of my friends in uni got Credits (which I also think is amazing by the way) but I just feel guilty because I know she struggled with the workload too.. 

But then there is this other part of me that cried and couldn't stop smiling because of how hard the semester was and that I was able to come out the other end because of the support my psychologist has given me. I don't know, part of me feels extremely guilty and like I don't deserve it and then the other part of me is proud that I accepted the help and put in the hard work to pass?! Has anyone else felt like this before after getting help? Like I just feel really shit and undeserving!!! 

 

Today also made the lonliness hit home again. I'm trying so hard to connect with people (like the two girls from uni) but I feel like I might physically do something with them but I don't feel connected to them? Idk. When I checked my results, I was feeling such a high (the low came a bit later) and all I wanted to do was share that with someone and then it all hit me that I have no one around to share things with, and that sucked. The first person I wanted to call and tell was my psych but I realised how inappropriate that probably is and it made me feel even more pathetic. For some reason she's the one person I want to talk to when something good (or bad) happens.. do any of you guys feel this way too? Or would your first thought be to call and tell a friend or family member? I just feel strange and know I need to stop relying on her to share shit with but for some reason she's my instant go to at the moment.. 😔

 

Any advice or general chat would be really appreciated right now ❤ I'm trying REALLY hard to look more at the positives like my psych wants me too but I am REALLY struggling right now. I just feel worthless and like I've let everyone down. 

 

If you've managed to read to the end of this rant, thankyou. ❤ I really do appreciate the support and am not sure how I've survived all these years without this chat!! 

 

@Bre-RO  @Andrea-RO  @Eden1717  @WheresMySquishy @Bee @Alison5  or anyone else that has advice and wants to join in fighting my stupid thoughts! 😂

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hey @MB95 

 

Thanks for opening up about the day you had. It sounds like you went through a lot of emotions, which can be draining. I hope you've been able to rest and are feeling better this morning when you wake Heart 

 

I want to give you a huge congrats for the incredible results you received yesterday. I understand that you had mixed feelings about them and I wanted to say that special considerations don't discount the real work and effort it takes to do well at uni. It's about recognising that studying whilst also struggling takes huge amounts of determination! Your GP and psychologist saw how hard you were working and decided to help you because you deserve it! I hope you can smile with pride - you earned those marks!

 

I can understand wanting to share things with your psychologist. It's fair to say that she is a safe person that you helps you to learn things about yourself and how to cope - it's normal to really value that relationship.

 

It sounds like you've been doing lots of thinking and feelings - is there something relaxing you can do to take your mind off everything you're processing at the moment? Heart 

Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hey @MB95,

 

Firstly, I think it's great to be looking for some support around loneliness. It's a big issue and you're right, it effects everyone at some point.

 

I think it was great you were able to ask your psych to see her twice, given it was the last week. It shows great initiative and although she initially declined, now you've got another the next week! See, that wouldn't have happened if you didn't ask - go you! And she seems really willing to help you which is great.

 

Regarding things to do now that Uni is over, I know that can be really hard. I love @Andrea-RO's post on doing some hobbies or joining a group. I know you said you love rock climbing, but are frightened to go alone. I think small steps are key with this. Perhaps you could join the FB group and message the person who posted it. You could ask for the details and say you'll be there. (It's always easier via message). Then, when the day arrives, having said that you would come, can be that extra motivator to get there. Although you will likely still feel scared or even guilty if you don't go, once you make that initial visit, i'm certain it will be so much easier after that! It's just the getting started that's tricky.

 

The pushing people away when you do finally make the effort to go out etc. is something I definitely get. But for this, I think it's just practice. You can start slow. Small chit chat at the beginning, then ask how they are. They will likely ask how you are and maybe you can just say that you're actually not 100%. Maybe that's enough for that day and when you meet again, you could go into it a little more if you feel comfortable. It is highly likely you'll actually feel better after it because i'm sure they'll be supportive and also because sharing a problem is a problem halved. It takes some weight off you and over the break when your psych isn't around, still having someone (even just to listen) can be very effective.

 

When I feel lonely, I like to do something a little productive. So maybe clean the bathroom or my room, or re-arrange the furniture or get rid of clothes that don't fit. Because I can do that on my own, but my mind is still busy and distracted (plus its productive!). You could always volunteer at a salvation army or Vinnies store (assuming you have those near you) - they are always in need of people and especially at this time of year.

I also have dogs which are a massive go-to for me so I don't really experience loneliness much anymore. You could always suggest minding a pet if some friends are going away or they need a break (assuming they have a pet).

 

Making a bucket list is another good thing. Like it could be really tiny stuff like finding out more about the spinal cord if that's something that interests you (that's just a random topic Smiley Tongue ). I can find myself researching for hours and it's not a chore because it's interesting. And then you can start ticking it off over the holidays.

 

I would also recommend having a list of those helplines and services in case you are getting a bit down. It can be hard to have a long break between psych appointments but they can be handy in the interim - even if they just listen. Coming on here is also great.

One thing that could be something you do, is to have a mini diary for the time between your psych appointments. Just write one or two sentences each night about significant things or feelings you had that day and then when you see them next, you won't forget (I do all the time! haha) when they ask about your break.

 

Hope some of that helps, even if it just gets you thinking. Not all things will work for everybody, but just experiment a little and don't forget to have a break! Holidays are meant for rest too!

 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Thanks @Bre-RO ❤

 

You made me tear up! I actually had a really good morning yesterday. I saw my psychologist and our last session of the year went really well. I'm pretty upset that I'm not going to see her for just over a month but I'm hoping that by connecting with everyone on here more often I'll be okay. At the end of our session I told her my results and she was so happy for me and it was just so incredibly nice to share with her. When we went out to book in an appointment for the new year she asked me if I'd told the guy that works on the desk my news and he asked what it was so I told him. He high fived me and it just made me finally feel like I'd earnt those marks because I'd worked so hard. They know that and idk, I guess just seeing their facial expressions and reactions made me feel that pride you talked about. I also saw the other psych that often steps in and helps me out when I need it and she was also really happy for me. Their reactions just made me feel worthy and like I did earn those marks I guess. I'm just so thankful I was able to share it with the 3 of them because they are the only ones that know how tough it's been for me and it was just a real special morning I guess. And an extra bonus is that they all accepted the cards and chocolates I gave them!! I know their not meant to accept gifts so was freaking out about it but they were so appreciative and it just made me feel so happy!!! So my morning was awesome!!! I was on such a high after seeing them all and the year couldn't have ended any better with them but then for some reason I've just completely gone in the opposite direction now.. 😔 

 

I'm trying so hard not too!!!! But work was stressful last night and didn't help I guess so it all just sent me backwards. Idk if it's cause it's hit me that I'm not gonna see my psych for a month. Or, and I know I shouldn't feel this way, that the three of them just mean so much to me that it makes me sad I can't connect with them outside the office. Like idk, I feel like they are 3 people that just get me and I wish I was able to hang out with them. Like psych stuff aside, they are the kinds of people I often would connect with outside of all this so I'm really struggling to remind myself that I can't and it's just their job and we wouldn't be seeing eachother otherwise. I don't know, don't get me wrong, I am so goddam appreciative of how yesterday went but I guess I'm just upset and scared about it all too. They've been there for me all year and now I just feel even more alone knowing that they're not there anymore? It's weird. It's my first time seeing a psych so I've never experienced this before and feel stupid for being so freaked out about not being able to contact her but I can't seem to help it. I feel like my supports are gone and I'm alone in this now? Well my physical ones anyway.. I know I have you guys which I am so thankful for!! But I'm also one of those people that needs physical connections too. Like I don't know if anyone else feels it but I just wish I could meet everyone on here face to face. I feel like I'd be set with friends for life then. But obviously I can't and I get it. It totally sucks but I get it! I'm just weird like that I guess. I'm not good at being vulnerable so when I am open with someone I just want to know them too and seem to get really attached... 

 

I didn't get a chance to do much yesterday because I went straight from my appointment to work and I work 10hr shifts so by the time I got home it was late. But I have today off and am trying to think of something relaxing and nice to do because I know I need to try and pull myself out of this before it gets any worse. Any suggestions? I'm pretty mentally and physically exhausted at the moment so not up for anything too crazy! 

 

Sorry this was so long! I have a real bad habit of rambling on 😔 But thankyou so much for your reply, I really do appreciate it ❤

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

It sure does @Alison5 and it's such a sucky thing to experience. I personally believe alot of mental health issues initially stem from lonliness because I know we all seek those deep connections (even if we don't admit it) so when we don't get it or our thoughts etc get in the way of being able to get it it just triggers a whole lot of other issues. Like it's obviously not the cause of mental illnesses but I feel like it plays a HUGE part in it so it's just nice to know most people on here have experienced it too. God it SUCKS!!!! 

 

I know I've said this to you before, but honestly I find your responses so uplifting and inspiring!! You just have this incredible way of looking at things which I REALLY appreciate you sharing with me all the time!! ❤ I didn't look at the whole asking my psych for 2 sessions thing the same way you did so thanks! I really do hope you look at your own personal situations with the same eyes and positivity! Because I know personally that I am my own worst enemy and am so good at dishing out advice and positives when it's for someone else, but when it's for me it's like I physically can't. So I just hope you do the same for yourself because I think you're amazing! ❤

 

I am about to head home for the holidays (on Tuesday) so have decided that when I come back I will message the group because I'll have a bit of time before uni starts and I know that I need to start engaging with the community because I really don't want to go through another year of lonliness because this SUCKS. At the moment the only people I really connect with are my two psychs and the guy that works in the office there. I do try and do stuff with two girls from uni but we're not super close so it makes it hard sometimes. My aim for next year is to just try and find one friend that I can really rely on and connect with on a deeper level that shares the same sort of interests 🤞 

 

Farout your messages leave me speechless! Seriously, you are INCREDIBLE when it comes to advice, sharing similar experiences and motivating me to try new strategies or ways of thinking. I feel like you just get me and I am always excited to read what you have to say. I don't want to bore you with a ridiculously long reply but I am going to take all of what you've suggested on board and give it all a try! I'm feeling pretty off at the moment and @Bre-RO asked me before if I had anything to do today, and after reading your response I now feel like I have a list of things to try out 😊 I'm going to start by sorting my room out and maybe even packing to go home and then I think I'm going to try out that bucketlist idea because I'm feeling pretty upset and scared about not being able to connect with my psych so I need to find things to keep busy so having a list will defs help!! Thanks for that awesome idea!! Also.. it's kind of freaky you mentioned the spinal cord because I have literally been thinking of specialising in mental health with my degree and then my second option at the moment is spinal cord injuries!!! Like I said.. it's like you just get me. 

 

I also LOVE your idea about the mini diary and am 100% going to use this because I have the WORST memory!!! I am even going to use it during my weekly sessions because when my psych asks how my week has been and what I've been up to I can never remember anything. So thanks for sharing that! 

 

I appreciate you jumping in on this post too.. I know you are actively responding on my other one quite a bit at the moment and I'm sorry I dragged you into this one too I just felt like you'd have some great advice as always and am still trying to get my head around how to use this properly. I feel so many different things at once and sometimes I just find it easier to have different posts for the different emotions so I'm not confusing myself or others.. 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Oh @MB95 hearing about how your psychologist and the others praised you has made me so happy! Heart You deserved that. 

 

Even though it is daunting going a month without seeing your biggest supporter at the moment, you made a really good point. You have found ReachOut and we hope that you know you are always welcome here to get support or even just to get things off your chest. Do you have any other support people in your life that you could spend time with over the next few weeks? 

 

It sounds like paying extra attention to relaxing would be a good idea at the moment. Especially since you're working long hours. Relaxation is different for everyone but we actually have heaps of wellbeing threads with different ideas for self-care. You can look through here

 

What kinds of activities do you enjoy? Smiley Happy 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Thanks @Bre-RO. I feel slightly childish because it made me feel like a little kid being praised by their parents for doing something good that wasn't even a big deal 😂 But it did mean alot to me that I got to share that experience with them so I'm trying to look at it being more of a positive thing and just allow myself to feel the happiness and support they provided me. I really am lucky to have them. 

 

I have a feeling I'll be on here a hell of a alot while I'm not seeing her because it just makes me feel less alone which is nice. I'm actually heading home on Tuesday to spend the holidays with my family so will have my parents and siblings around me which will be nice. I'm so excited to see them all but also a little worried. They don't know about anything that's been going on for me or that I'm on meds and seeing a psych weekly so I always feel guilty about seeing them and hiding everything. But even though they don't know, I mostly love being around them and know that they'll be able to support me in other ways so I should be fine. Just knowing I have people around in the house to interact with is nice. I've learnt to be pretty tough and deal with things on my own over the years so I always manage to get by 😊

 

Thanks for the link I'll check it out shortly! @Bee also put me onto some awesome threads which I'll start using shortly too. I've just been struggling to keep my head above water at the moment with work and everything so am kind of excited to go home and have nothing to do so I can focus on everyones self-care suggestions alot more!! 

 

As for activities I enjoy.. I always find these questions so hard as I've kind of lost sight of myself but am working hard to figure it all out again. Umm.. probably anything outdoors! I've just been cleaning and tidying my room/house and am thinking of heading out for a walk by the river shortly if it cools down. And then cause I have the night off work I'm going to actually cook myself dinner which I enjoy doing 😊

 

What kinds of things do you enjoy or consider as hobbies?

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hi @MB95,

I’m glad some of this had been helpful. And thanks for asking about me too. It is so much easier to give advice and then not take it on yourself, isn’t it! But I’m doing well now and actually that’s majorly due to my family.
I know you mentioned you’re going back home to your family and told @Bre-RO that they don’t know about your struggles. Well this used to be the case for me as well. And I’m also in my 20’s. I know it may seem like there is no point in letting family know because you don’t live with them anymore or because you can’t just visit them whenever you want, but if I can achieve anything right now, I’d love for you to even just re-consider this.

I wonder if there is any particular reason why you haven’t let your family know? Or is there a sibling or particular family member you are/were a little closer to?

Honestly, since my family have known, everything has gotten so much easier. As I said before - a problem shared is a problem halved. My Mum would help find doctors for me to see, do research on medication when I didn’t want to do anything. She’d help look up different sport groups for me to join and honestly, it was that help and little push that’s got me out the other end. Now, this can come from a friend too and I’m glad to hear you are going to try and find someone that you may be able to get a bit closer to next year.

I’ve been very lucky with the support I’ve had from everyone, but obviously there’s different family relationships with people and this might not be an option for you, but if there is someone that you are able to call and they can come over if you’re feeling really down, or someone to vent to, it will make a world of difference.
It will then help with the loneliness too and break this awful cycle.

But just something to think about 😃

And the spinal cord thing was all I could think of haha! I think you mentioned you did anatomy and I do some too so thought it would be fitting haha. (plus that’s literally what I research in my spare time) 😝

Yeah, I do the diary often, although I’ve been heavily relying on calendars in my phone recently and then right before I see my psych, I’ll have a look over the week at the events and it will refresh my memory (just if you can’t be bothered with the sentences). Like I’ll even put in “remind so and so that I’ll be away” or that I should walk my dogs to a different park today Haha. Because I really forget everything!

And I think having the separate posts is good! It can help separate them so it’s more manageable to recurve some tips. And we’ll done on being so proactive on what you’re experiencing too - it’s a great sign of recovery.

Be in touch soon
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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

I'm so glad to hear you are doing well now @Alison5 - the way you write sounds like you are but I also know how easy it can be to hide it from people so I just wanted to check. I truly find your strength and words so inspiring!! In the least creepiest way possible there are a few people on here I wish I could connect with in person and you are definately one of them! Hope that's not creepy.. 🙃😂 Your advice just means alot to me that's all! 

 

I guess I've just never told my family because I don't want them to worry about me. I do have an amazing family really but it's just hard. We are close but not exactly close in that way if that makes any sense? We've never really spoken about emotions much. Like I know they would want to help but there honestly isn't really anything they can do and I feel like it's something I need to overcome on my own. I'm also one of the stronger ones in the family and have had to grow up pretty quickly to help support my parents and siblings through things so I guess I've just become so accustomed to being the supporter and not the one needing the support that I've forgotten how to ask for help? I'm worried they'd blame themselves and I don't want that at all. I don't want them to see me differently or worry about me or not share their issues with me because they are worried about putting pressure on me. I don't know, that's just the basics of it. There's a few other reasons why but I brought them up in session yesterday with my psych and I ended up in tears so am not entirely up for writing them out at the moment. Yesterday bloody exhausted me! 

 

My psych has been trying to encourage me to open up to my parents about what's going on for the whole time I've been seeing her and when I got really bad she told me she'd have to call them to let them know but I guess that's when I freaked and started to hold the full truth from her a bit. I'm definately getting better with it now and she hasn't brought up the idea in months cause she could tell I wasn't going to budge but I have been thinking about it alot lately so was more open to hearing her out yesterday. She was proud of me for not shutting down the idea immediately like I have in the past and we both agreed that shows I'm making progress, even if it is slow. We talked through some things and she has written me a letter I can give to my parents to break the ice and help start the conversation seems they don't live here and I can't bring them into session with me. She wrote it for me in the chance I decide to tell them while I'm at home. I'm not sure if I will because there's more things telling me not too at the moment then there is telling me to, but we'll see what happens. I feel like they are starting to really notice things anyway so I may not have much of a choice. People at work have been commenting to me so if they're noticing then I'm not sure what hope I have hiding it from my family. Usually I'm so good at it!!!! As for being closer to one of them.. does my dog count?! 😂

 

When you opened up to your family did you find it hard to accept their help? Like I know this will probably sound rediculous but I often want people to help me and to care but then when they do I get really angry and try to push them away. Have you ever experienced this? My psych and I briefly touched on this yesterday but she kind of looked at me as if to say 'you're not helping yourself at all here'. I feel so stupid for feeling like it but I can't help it. I'm very independent and don't like being made to feel incapable. I like to work through things on my own. It's taken me months to accept help from my psych and even now I still have days where I won't accept it. I don't know, I guess I'm just scared about how I'll react when they do try and help. I always end up taking it out on my mum especially and it's totally unfair on her but it's something I really cannot help. I just feel like telling them could make things worse. And at the moment I'm not sure if I'm strong enough. I will tell them eventually but I also want to be at a stage in my recovery where I can tell them that everything is fine and they don't have to worry about me. 

 

On a lighter note, I am so glad you've had such a supportive network around you!! 😊 How long did it take you to open up to your family? Like years? And how did you break it to them? 

 

I don't even remember mentioning anatomy lol But I don't remember alot of things..!! So are you studying then too? If you are, what are you studying if you don't mind me asking? 

 

Might have to try using my calendar a bit too then!! I am about to get a new phone so will set it all up properly from the beginning 😊